The Quiet Child

I am the quiet one. The one who is seen and never heard. The one who never gets to speak first and consistently gets cut off. I am the disregarded, overlooked, underestimated child. I may have been born first but I am always the last to be thought of.

"Shut up and sit down" is what I was taught. It would not make a difference if I were present or not. I have always been the one who puts everyone before myself. I should keep my emotions quiet, not say a word. It didn't matter what I felt, someone else had more important feelings. I am an empath. I have a heightened awareness of what others around me are feeling with great passion. I cannot control it, and trust me, I wish I could. Most people have no idea how burdensome it is to wake up every morning knowing that you have to go into the world and be someone else. Someone whose personality changes depending on who they are talking to. Someone who cannot say no, even if it is killing them. If someone is going through anything from failing a test, to a breakup, to losing their favorite coffee cup, I will be there. I will put everything I am feeling on hold to shut up, sit down, and listen.

There was four of us repeatedly fighting for our parents attention. Who was the best child, who was the smartest, who was the funniest, who was the most athletic. I wasn't me. I stopped fighting to be the favorite a long time ago. I was the one who could do no right, for if I were in the spotlight I had to be perfect. If someone got hurt, it was my fault, I should have been paying attention. If someone hit me twenty times and I hit back once, I was older, so I should know better. If I got an A on a test, why wasn't it an A+? There was always more I could be doing. Most of the attention was taken by the younger three, which was fine by me. Less time that I have to worry about being the perfect one. Why would I want to be perfect when I could just be quiet.

Making friends was hard. How do you make friends when you are the quiet one? Everyone says, "Oh she's just shy", and I go with it. I am not shy, I actually have a lot to say, however I am not going to waste my time repeating it to people who just do not give a damn. Usually, I ended up next to the other quiet ones. No one wants to be friends with the quiet ones, for they want to have any fun. No, the other quiet ones and I would not go to parties, pull pranks, or join in loud team-based sports. We were content to be quiet together. To read books, watch movies, and learn. When we were with each other we were not so quiet. We would have debates and discussions on anything and everything. Then someone would ruin it by walking by and saying, "I thought you were shy", and back to the quiet place we go.

This is not a story of an underdog, for the underdog is never quiet. An underdog story typically ends with the underdog being on top, everyone knowing who they are. I do not care who knows what I have accomplished, for my accomplishments are my own. I do not need to be the smartest, most athletic, the best. I do not need everyone to know my name or my story. I am happy to just be me. I am happy to be the quiet one.