The Psychology of a Pseudo CEO

Once upon a time I met someone who was, dare I say, genuinely delulu before delulu was cool. This person sat down across from the dinner table from me, the waiter poured both of us a glass of white wine, and as the waiter was inching away from the table, this person announced to me that they’re going to be a CEO.

I nodded in approval and praise while downing the glass in one gulp…and of course in the natural turn of events, I proceeded to ask, how do you plan on getting there?

Their gaze switched from super enthusiastic and dopey to confused. How? How dare I question or even ponder such a silly thought? The answer was “I’ll get a diploma with honors!”

I nearly spit out my second sip, but then I nodded and raised a hefty thumbs up thinking, how do I tell her that there is more to life than college textbooks and shiny gold star stickers? How do I even begin to break down that ambition and thereby ambitious goals are achieved by the grunt work, research, finesse? Does she even know what “paying your dues” means?

In true Capricorn fashion, I did. What kind of friend would I be if I hadn’t? But, in true Aires fashion, this person just brushed all of that off, ignored everything I was trying to communicate and proceeded to indulge in that philosophy of collecting accolades and gold stars, neglecting real life experience, research and a plan.

Who needs internships or even an entry level job when college teaches you everything you need to know, right? Silly.

Case in point, as we fast forward to graduation, this person walks up on stage, grabs the rolled up piece of paper that took a dollar or less to print and poses for the camera. She did it! She’s got the damn thing in hand and she’s strutting her stuff back to her original seat. The endorphin rush and the twinkle in her eyes is enough to blind a deer on an empty Wyoming road.

She calls me a few weeks after. I’m unpacking into my new Chicago apartment and she starts crying. She didn’t know it was going to be this difficult. She is appalled at the number of applications she has submitted and received zero feedback.

“Who cares? Keep applying and another interview will come,” I say calmly. I just started my first job after graduating. I’ve garnered a combined total of 3 years in communication and sales by that point and I started working for an app I had been enamored by. The pay was decent and my apartment was within a short distance to work. Things weren’t glamorous per say, but I was firmly standing on my own two feet and was proud because I knew the struggle it took to get here. Long nights of interning, publishing content and working a sales job in the West Loop took a lot, but we’re here. While looking for a job, I’d received thousands of rejections and interviews that got me to the second round and went ghost. I understood the struggle and frustration that was fueled as a result of not getting interviews. I completely felt for her. She was my best friend at the time.

“I’m not even getting interviews. I don’t want to grow up,” she tells me. I tell her to not give up and even proceed to send her some applications and a referral from my job. She misses the referral interview. She doesn’t even open the links I’ve sent her. She instead chooses to pursue graduate school.

Fast forward to a few more years and graduate school is officially over. Another accolade secured, another piece of paper collecting dust.

“How’s the job search going?”

“I decided to focus on school.”

Ok, but wait. Where is the work experience? Where is the engagement?

At this point, we’re in our mid twenties.

“Well, that CEO title isn’t going to just happen. Do you have an idea of what you’d like to do so you can at least have some experience?”

“Honestly, I thought that the title was just going to…be given to me.”

This is a true story, a true conversation that took me aback.

I can respect having an ambitious mindset and an academic drive if you choose to remain and pursue academia, in whatever capacity, it makes sense. You’re already in that environment, you’re there at least 4 to 5 days a week, you’re acclimated, it feels safe and familiar…but that wasn’t even her path. Accolades were the driving point and let’s just say…I lost all respect and I started 2023 without having this person in my life in any capacity.

That’s right, I went ghost without warning and the answer is simple. I’m allergic to ego. I’m allergic to people that talk all day long, yet don’t seem to act on any of what they’re saying that they’re going to do

Which brings us to our first moron of the internet: LinkedIn edition.

To remain mysterious, let's call him Rando Much. Picture a LinkedIn profile with your casual photo, a title of CEO of [insert startup here] / patriot of USA...etc.

I’d like to thank the pseudo patriot of the great US of A for allowing me to proverbially load up this ammunition and deflating the EGO balloon of the buffoon that is bursting with bs. Let me preface by saying that going for his looks would be too easy, so we’re going to aim at this bastard’s inept ability to read the room.

The argument regarding remote work vs in-office work has always been divided, but nevertheless it always remained civil. In the end, we’ve always been able to agree to disagree, but this guy had a different idea because he not only made an insulting jab at every single remote worker out there, but also decided to shed some light on the fact that [according to him] our jobs will be obsolete and replaced by AI or outsourced overseas should we choose to remain remote.

Let’s unpack this precious gem of a thought.

The problem with remote work that most of you fools still don't realize is that you can now easily be outsourced.

Yes.

Marketing?

Sales?

Software Engineering?

Data?

Customer Success?

Product?

You all selfishly want to live in a me world and don't think about the ramifications.

You don't think that the guys upstairs will take notice your work can be done remotely and just ship the job or jobs eventually overseas to save big on $$$$?

How stupid could you be?

I've heard the conversations.

I know what the guys upstairs talk about.

You all have a lot of soul searching to do.

Look - not everyone is going to work remote for six figure pay and be able to travel the world.

Most of the lifestyles you see on IG are fake.

Most of the people pitching this lifestyle live off inheritances or saved up cash to travel.

Most of them aren't sales people constantly selling new clients their services.

Most clients CHURN.

Again - many of you need to wake up to the realization that your job is best secure when you IN PERSON.

Rethink remote work - now!

There’s a lot to unpack here. Don’t worry though. People who reacted to this post were decently pissed off. Gen Z would even dare to say that they passed the vibe check in acknowledging that if this isn’t the most asinine take on the trajectory of business and remote work, then I do not know what is.

At first, I was interested in having a conversation and perhaps engaging in an interview with this person to get a fresher take on this perspective. My journalistic intuition was telling me that maybe there is something within that aggressive rhetoric that can be persuasive? and in taking a look at his profile, my jaw dropped.

This man does not have an iota of experience in any field. He’s a self proclaimed pseudo CEO with an idea that will never be effectively executed or implemented in real life…God willing. So it begs the questions: What rooms was he in? Who is exactly rejecting the idea of remote workers and considering AI or outsourcing work?

His post was like a cold bucket of water, circa ASL challenge 2012, which transferred me back to that college night out in 2013 to that very exact delulu conversation. Here is someone preaching to others, many of whom rarely have a chance to leave their desk or turn it off when working remotely, about the likelihood of their job security when he himself has held jobs in significantly shorter periods of time. He genuinely believes that remote work is not work and that many of us are basking in the sun all day.

I’m happy to produce some "day in the life of a remote work girly" and can promise it’ll be boring, brutal, and bad…because it’s hard work.

As a communications major, I will put my degree to use in even this aspect and say this…there is a way of articulating yourself, your message and making your point across without insulting a vast array of hard working individuals. There is a way to introduce your work philosophy without accusing or making up false reasons that you imagine people use in order to be able to work remotely, and lastly there is something to be said about analyzing the content you’re publishing on a platform such as LinkedIn.

Unlike other social media platforms which are a little bit more lenient in terms of language and discourse, you may be burning a lot of bridges with prospective employers, future referrals, business partners or even investors.

Some food for thought. For the purposes of integrity, I will not be providing any further details on this person’s profile, but I hope that the message is crystal clear in saying…it costs nothing to be a decent human being and it starts with thinking before speaking/writing/posting.

A little humility, especially without having earned credibility, goes a long way.