The PC in Our House

We were married for ten years and lived together for three years before that. I believed, like my first marriage that this would be until death do us part. My first marriage was all about alcoholism and drug addiction.

We were married when I was seventeen. We didn't have children until I was twenty-one and before that we had a party house. I loved him, but knew I couldn't live with him, once I was in recovery.

This time I would marry a person in recovery, like me. My children were still young, in the fourth grade and the sixth grade when we started to live together. His son was twelve when we first met.

We were married in 1989. And when I went back to school in 1990, to get a master's degree, I purchased a personal computer (PC). It wasn't long before I became jealous of the computer. It didn't make sense.

It was new to me and to many. Before that, I typed on a typewriter. I almost went back to that when I lost a paper that I spent hours writing and the computer crashed.

I would tell my husband to not talk about me when he was on the computer as he would tell me he was telling ???? about how I was doing in school. He would edit the papers I wrote for classes on the computer.

I was not interested in doing anything more than typing my papers on the computer. He appeared to be on the computer every chance he got.

We started marriage counseling in 1996, as I almost divorced him in 1995, then in 1997, we moved to the city. He planned to finish his bachelor's degree. He didn't. I continued to go to counseling without him. I was in a women's group.

It appeared to me that he may have switched addictions. I wasn't sure until I talked with a couple of friends, and they pointed me in the direction of the PC. I spent some time looking for what may be there, and I found something he had saved on the computer.

It was a file of 8 pages he had saved of a conversation he had with another woman.

I was upset and called my daughter. She said, "Mom, don't you watch Morrie. That is happening all of the time." I have never been a big television watcher and I wouldn't choose to watch Morrie.

I thought, okay, I will go for help with him. So, when I confronted him with the document, and expected that we would be going for help, he said, "I think I love her." That was too much for me and I knew it right away.

I wondered how long this was going on and were there others. Was that why I was jealous of the computer? Was that why our marriage had been in trouble? The kids were grown and raised. We did that well together. I thought maybe that was all we were meant to do together.

I told him that he would have to leave. His confession of loving someone he hadn't met who lived in New Mexico was just too much for me. He thought he could stay as we had two bedrooms. I said no. He wasn't going to leave.

My work with women with domestic violence helped me to get him to leave with the help of the police. I told him that I would pack up all his stuff and he could move it into storage within a week.

My mother came down and nicely folded and packed all his things nicely into boxes. He had decided to take a trip to New Mexico to see if she was a she or not.

My daughter was surprised that I handled the whole thing as well as I did. I was so grateful that I was in counseling and had the support of people in my life to help me through that.

The minister that married us said, "You are the best-matched couple of any I have counseled in my marriage prep group, or ever." We did have a lot in common and liked many of the same things.

I believed I loved him, but already realized with my first marriage that I couldn't live with active addiction.

I expected us to live happily ever after. It wasn't to be. I met my third times the charm eight months after our separation and divorce.

Our divorce was not long or drawn out as our children were grown and I was not asking for anything from him. We were married for 10 years so I could have but didn't.

His first wife asked for a mediator. Their son was still young when they divorced, and they fought over pots and pans. I gave him what was his and what was fair that we purchased together. When he tried to do the mediation thing, I told him I would not do that with him.

I have been married for 20 years and together for 24 years now. I love my husband and I am more like him than the other two. I have loved all three men. I am more mature and that is what helps to make this marriage better than the other two.

I gave up drama after being with my current husband for a short while. I don't regret my past at all and have no trouble talking about any of it.

My first husband gave me two of the brightest, most loving children in the world. He loved me and tried to fight his addiction, but it didn't work for him. He thanked me for raising his children in a house without drugs and alcohol.

My second husband helped me to raise my children. He was a good father. He gave me another son who fully accepted my children as his siblings, and they did him before we even decided to marry. I love this man and believe he is my son!

My current husband has four children, all grown when we married. He is a great family man. He is the best grandpa and father. He has a really similar humor to mine and we laugh every day. We have a strong recovery and we both work hard on our recovery.

I love and feel loved every day!