The Outside

I will never forget the one summer with myself, I flew to Georgia. At first, I felt like I didn’t fit in because, after always being used to fitting in a certain way…. and always feeling accepted in… the was a new awakening!!!!! Having always been, “heavily supported,” I was thinking the day I arrived I’d be well taken care of! Not! It was a HUGE warning regarding my race, was my first impression?! At first I thought I was up against my own worst, “ enemy”!!! It was my cousins new fiancé Joey. The year was 2001. So I was visiting Georgia. Georgia is my home state supposively. I was born there. This was all a wrap when I went there one summer!!!!! I was eager and more than excited at first to see my cousins!! Plus my aunt and uncle. Everybody was one happy family again. The only Problem was the credentials and entitlement the fiancé was getting?! Fighting had occurred frequently between me and him. We hated one another’s company by a long shot. It was too way different backgrounds trying to settle in the middle, at the same time! What bothered me was left unsaid. Basically I was repping a city like lifestyle with a ton of “ghettoness,”and tainted expression smothering me which at the time led to The Country Lifestyle! I wasn’t excited about it one bit. We hated each other’s guts. I didn’t fit in because I was black, by now I could tell, it was because he was white, and in the South, and they I’ve learned don’t play that mess. I would get hung he’d always say. It would bother me…and toil inside of me a lot. Enraged in anger. As I hold on growing up in Spanaway Washington, which is country to me…I start to grow a tougher skin, but I realize by now he Joey was from a wholeness of avenue, which since then I come to terms with! It’s hard to do, but I put myself through understanding to get to that point. This being a time, I didn’t fit in!!!! It helped mme to see myself in a different light.Back then,…. I had young ghetto mentality I want to say… and a terrible poverty mindset. Not to justify how I fitted in,which still needs work, until this day,..I would change where I have lost views, a load of friends, but it was all for the better! Anyways back to not fitting in. I felt bad! Here it is this (newby) was getting attention that I was not getting????? I felt the pressure each time I encountered him. We hated each other’s guts and for the first time I felt out of place. I know now, but ( Joey) would say things to piss me off or make foolery out of me! Some of the summer…and my cousins redemptions were in return treating me I’ll,I felt change had occur, to look at things for the better! My cousin Nikki was awesome, and what started out being the worst summer and me having the bad feelings of not fitting in took its FULL toll on me! So, I ended up enjoying it, maybe even crushing on (Joey), it was the best summer ever, ever spent! What had went from wrestling matches between us two turnover for the better! The things that I’d never encountered like…. 4 wheelin, dancing with him, & taking memorable photos, grew our relationship to taps! We’re cool now, but before then we just wasn’t. Since then…I’ve had my full rounds about the South. It’s harder living down there , then up here in Washington State. Every state has an exciting thing about it. My cousin Nikki and Joey, now have kids and I believe he is to this day, trying to become a better man. For me I am working on retiring, but leaving that door open for better new and improved beginnings.