The King of Nightmares

You were just a child, a person like me. Stupid and clueless with a world for you to be free. I was in hiding while you were experiencing, bad and good you explored a world that became your FREE; DOMinating others with your strength and ignorance, your confidence has built while you grew distant from me. Separate from life, you played house, I became caretaker while the word “husband” was in your mouth. Never been loved while you experienced it pure, still, we were apart, while you experienced love more. Spent most of my 20s away from wedding bells, while I struggled for money and saved a mother from hell.

Had my own laughs with no sense of romance, and believed I didn’t need any because I accepted only friends would last. Got too close and friends learned my truth, I realized I like men, but soon I would love you. Trapped by hatred for my choice to go above, you became the reason, why I started to love. You laid your boundary to not love but play, I wouldn’t say I liked the game but you made me feel, which made me stay. Confused beyond belief you thought we had fun when you chose to play with me, after I was used, by a fake angel who drew blood.

The Beginning

The first weeks felt great, explored some firsts. I didn’t notice I got bored when all you wanted was a pleasure, and nothing more. Build my own skills to be better for me, you knew I wanted romance but didn’t know you were being fake to me. To get back at the one that did you in, I became trash that no one knew then. Assumed my position and thirst for more, I ended up catering to you when I became mentally sore.

Afraid to stop and want nothing more, I held you closer in hopes that there were more. A way to stop this pain I would endure, a friend without sex is what I wanted, nothing more. In a short time moment, a week of news that we explored, I should have stopped there and told you no more.

Mistook the signs and denied a false love, rejected a romance, and left me alone. I assumed I fell deep because you saw your own way, to feel you were hurting someone that was never meant to stay. The pleasures you keep were one-sided at best, you not only hurt me but scarred me like the rest. This wound was bigger because I was just abused, I was naive but lost, and easy to use. I became your secret, a special one just for us until I became trash to you because you just forgot.

All with good intention was the thought that came to your brain, help a friend out while living a stereotypical gay way. Go out of your comfort zone but stay true to yourself, my first-time experiences, include accidentally falling for you. Before your departure, I came to the truth, that friends are what we will stay with without benefits or “fun time” too. Ready to stop and move on with life, is when you jump ship and abandoned what you thought I believed, was love at first sight.

Recurrence 

Trembling with the confusion I felt I had lost my way, building this up just to throw it all away. Didn’t know you were saving me, because I was fine and you felt I wanted you to be my somebody. That feeling has been passed but I was confused. When you came back I felt wrong and misled, you had your agenda where I felt I was mentally ahead. The stage was set for us to move on, but you came back due to a friendship you saw all along. Now seeing back how much torture I overcame, people pleasing and thirst for experience became my ultimate shame. Death of innocence with confidence, not bare, started as my savior, only to become king of my nightmares.