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The Hook Up from Hell

The stickiest hookup ever

By Rob catelli Published 3 years ago 3 min read

It was 2009, I was 19 years old and visiting my sister at Chico State. I had a fake ID and it was $5 dollar pitcher night at Riley's Bar. We were drinking long island ice teas. This babe I had met prior had invited me over to her apartment as her roommates were out of town. I was wasted, like lazy eyes wasted. I knew I needed to sober up cause this babe was smokin' hot and we were headed to pound town. I went next door and slammed a whole burrito down from Taco's De in hopes to soak up the booze. I even committed to walking the half mile to her apartment to hopefully get more sober. I arrived to her apartment and we immediately went into her bedroom and started to make out on her bed. The room was dark, like I couldn't see much at all. My stomach started rumbling and I quickly felt it turning. I was hoping it was just some big old fart that I could hold in and pass gas in the bathroom later. Unfortunately, that tacos de California burrito had a mind of its own that night and decided it wanted to have its own kind of party in my stomach. I tried my best to ignore my stomach noises and I kept making out with the hottie. My stomach pain continued and got so bad that I knew something unthinkable was about to happen. I told her to hang on for a second and got off the bed, but I knew my stomach wasn't going to hold on much longer. I couldn't make it to the bathroom cause the room was so dark and I couldn't locate the door. Luckily I found the window, a sigh of relief went through me until I couldn't open it. I figured it was probably open so I hoped to throw up out the window. Turns out it definitely wasn’t open was locked closed. Moments later I began to projectile vomit everywhere... and I mean everywhere you can imagine. The ceiling, window, floor, her jewelry box, cd player, clothing, bed, my clothes, everything was covered. But things were not over quite yet. I managed to find the door, ran to the bathroom where I just absolutely destroyed her toilet with explosive diarrhea and then proceeded to clog it. And yes, it was everything you are imagining right now, the sounds of explosiveness and just all around a situation you do not want to be in. I figured that everything had to be pretty much out of my system at this point. So now, there I was, standing in her bathroom with my vomit all over me and a never ever seen before clogged up diarrhea toilet in this girls bathroom. I was absolutely mortified to say the least. I quickly stripped out of my clothes into boxers, and she forced me to help her clean the vom. It was the least I could do so we cleaned it up. I apologized over and over and she still invited me to still spend the night. I appreciated the invitation but I kindly passed, walked back to my sisters in my boxers and puke clothes in hand. I showered and decided to head back to the bars to try to forget what happened. What a absolute blow out of a night this was- in more ways than just one. Fast forward to today, we live in the same small town and I run into her and her family pretty much on a regular basis. However, I know she’s still down to hook up!


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