Staying In My Lane

Life is funny until it's not. Being partnered with someone who is an alcoholic/addict is no bed of roses. Time after time, I have told myself, just run, go as fast as I can and get out of this horrible situation that has become your life.

You see, things over the past several years have taken a very nasty turn. The person I married has gone from a really great guy to someone I don't even know anymore.

I have written before about being an alcoholic's wife and all the horror that entails. But I am at my breaking point. Not only has he become a stranger to me that starts his day with drinking and with whatever drugs he has on his person at the time, but he has also become someone I hate.

This person is now someone who thinks 24/7 non-stop about drinking and getting high. He has no regard for me, his children, family, or friends. He just simply does not care about anything but getting wasted.

My children are grown and on their own now. Thank goodness because their father is more than they should ever have to deal with. In fact, they refuse too, and who can blame them?

So here I am alone in this house, struggling to handle all that is thrown at me. The husband does not care if he works much at all. When he does, he barely adds any money to the house for expenses but chooses to swallow it up for his own personal use.

I will only give you the details of the past three months. There are not enough hours in the day or time left in my life to cover the rest. You see, he has been told multiple times he needs to stop drinking, or he will die.

Doesn't phase him. He is a frequent visitor to the nearby hospital. So much as they know when he comes in what to expect. In January, he was rushed to the hospital by ambulance after collapsing in a bar. The EMTs had to administer Narcan to revive him. I was called, and by the time I arrived at the hospital, he was already outside walking around.

Since he had come around, he had refused treatment and couldn't be kept. Sound scary? Well, just wait; there is more. In February, one of the few days he decided to work, he collapsed again on the job. He was rushed by ambulance to a hospital in a town a few miles away.

Once again, I was called. This time he was kept there. Numerous tests and costly tests were conducted. A toxicology screen came back showing alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, and opioids in his system.

Since he needed more tests and the hospital was full, he was transferred by ambulance to our local hospital. He was given an IV, a lecture about killing himself, and sent on his way.

Are you mentally exhausted yet? I know I am. Around ten days later, my spouse woke me in the middle of the night, saying he was ill and needed to go to the hospital. We went, despite my aggravation.

Tests were once again run, showing alcohol and cocaine in his system. Well, I lost it on him. I mean, come on, enough is enough. Or at least you would think.

This past weekend sent me completely over the edge. Friday, he disappeared from the house around noon and came back home around 4 am Saturday morning. He was trashed.

Saturday, he left the house again around noon. At 3:30 am I heard a noise that woke me up. I went downstairs, looked out the window, and what do I see? It was him lying passed out in the road in front of the house.

My first thought was he has had a seizure or overdosed and is dead. I ran outside with my phone only to find he was just that drunk and high on pills he couldn't stay standing.

I finally get him up and into the house, hoping no one saw him. It was humiliating not to him but me. Sunday, he remained very hungover, feeling extremely ill.

This guy is entirely gone into addiction. He rarely showers, urinates, and more in his pants. This also doesn't bother or embarrass him. He attempts to blame me for his issues.

I am not to blame at all. So I have decided to detach, stay in my lane. Let him suffer whatever consequences that come to him. I will call for an ambulance and police next time he passes out in the road or yard.

Plans are being made to secure my finances and get out of here. I cannot, for my own sake and health, handle cleaning up his messes any longer. I just refuse.

I actually hope that he just goes to jail or is sent to rehab. In fact, I hope it does happen. Whatever becomes of him is not my problem any longer. I'm over it. I also will carry regrets for my lost years and no regrets for his future outcome.

So regrets (No Regrets) Yes, I have them. Boy, do I have them.