Sinful Cure

When my divorce were finalized, just 3 months after my marriage to a very narcissistic man, i went thru more than a year of depression and anxiety. My mentally and verbally abusive husband leave me with only a few dollars in hand and few thousand dollar worth of loans.

I barely leave the house for a little over 3 months and was depending on help from friends. Few times, i was already climbing my 26th floor balcony, wanting to end my life. I started to drive Grab ( an ehailing service equivalent to Uber, very famous in South East Asia) to meet ends meet. Driving around for almost 13 hours every day just so i can survived, while dealing with my depression and anxiety, almost every day, i cried in my car.

But that's where FATE decided that i shall meet him, X. Thru a Grab driver's group that i was invited to join in, by another guy that saw me crying by the road. We didn't hit it off instantly, as i was still going thru depression, i was looking and dressing horribly for most of the time, but still my mix parentage looks attract a lot of men, except X. Instead he feels sympathy towards me, and start helping me with pointers on how to be a better driver and teach me loopholes in the system that allow us to get only high fare Ehailing jobs. We began to become close as friend and slowly, the love start to creep on us. Only 6 months after we first met, he confess that he loved me.

I was a beautiful women, with very good education and was working as engineer before Covid hit and we were terminated as the company reduced it manpower. While my EX HUSBAND was a lowly educated man, poor, fat and limping on one side of his foot due to clubfoot. But he was a religious preacher. And living in a muslim predominant nation, marrying a religious preacher is what the society considered " Lucky & Blessing". I was not really in love with him, but my circle of people, keep brainwashing me to accept him as my husband as maarying a religious preacher means you are closer to Heaven. Only after the marriage, we realized how abusive and narcissist he actually was.

In just 3 month of marriage, i loose my self esteem, i loose my spirit and i loose my beauty. My EX husband likes to scold me, saying my vagina is too loose every time we have sex, just to make me feel bad about myself. I wish back then i have the courage to tell him that his manhood is the smallest one that i ve had ever seen, all due to the side effect of his diabetes and hypertension. And he is never short of embarrassing lies about me that he keep telling other people.

When me and my affair started our relationship, he is still married to his wife, but he was well known as a serial womanizer, but slowly, over the course of our 1 year relationship, he started to change and become loyal to me and his wife. We even talked about the option of getting married as polygamy is allowed in Islam. Slowly, my depression and anxiety recovers, as X really take good care of me, allowing me to express myself and my emotion, and always supportive towards my dream to start a business. But above all, is how he keep telling me that he is crazy over our love making and love every inch of me. That really brings back my confidence as a woman.

When his wife finally found out about me, she gave him the ultimatum, to choose either me or the wife and children. She threaten him with losing the rights to their 3 children if he ever leaves her. I know then that there is no future for us, as i know how deeply X loves his children, he might be an unfaithful husband, but he is an amazing dad to his 3 daughters.

We try to end the relationship twice, but we keep coming back to each other. Our 1st break up, make me realized how much we actually really love each other. But at the same time, i can't stop the feeling of guilt for being the other woman in their marriage.

It finally took me 6 months to prepare myself and to build the courage to finally walk away from him. Not because i no longer love him, but because i know there is no more future for us unless i am willing to destroy his marriage, something that i never intended to do in the first place. I scrap off the idea of polygamy as well as i realized that as days passes by, i love him more and more that it become too hard for me to think about not having him all for myself.

And i slowly building the inner faith in myself and start believing that I too deserve better relationship. I don't have to ruins someone else marriage for the chance to be happy. But i never regret a single day i spend with X, as i know, if God did not destined me to meet him, i would still suffer from my depression and anxiety.