Sexual Culture in Japan

Note: this article was written by me over twenty years ago in a student newspaper that was never reprinted online. I thought it would be interesting to give this a wider forum considering the original response.

Dear Japan, I could never forget you.

There are many of us expatriates who have lived and loved in the land of the rising yen who regret that we ever left, or cannot believe that we ever enjoyed so much so quickly. As for me, I have been away for more than a year, happily ensconced in the life of a starving student in Montreal.

But Japan is not easily forgotten.

I spent three years in Tokyo, working as an English teacher, freelance writer, and model (!), and during that time I was often asked for my own thoughts on what I felt about the culture that surrounded me and became my life. Not wanting to offend, I made the standard comments on the efficient transit services, the lively shopping and entertainment centres, and the healthy food easily available at any local konbini (convenience store).

I was not honest.

There was something that I could not ignore and which had me involved in many double-takes: the unbelievable contrast between surface and substance. We all live with this sort of opposition, but I believe that Japan is a very special case. How else can you explain manga (comic books - Japan is the number one consumer in the world) that often features gang rape, bondage, coprophilia (look that up), and random acts of sexual violence being read widely on that same efficient transportation system? Or enjokosai, a system where school girls get money for performing 'favours' for Japanese men? And especially the vending machines, which are ubiquitous in Japan, and may contain cold drinks, hot drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic), cigarettes - it is a smoking culture - pornographic magazines and used school girl panties?

I ran to the books: Permitted and Prohibited Desires: Mothers, Comics and Censorship in Japan; Nightwork: Sexuality, Pleasure and Corporate Masculinity in a Tokyo Hostess Club. Both were written by Anne Allison, another expat, and they do contain some information as to why these things are so pervasive.

And here are two of my personal favourites: Making Out in Japanese and More Making Out in Japanese by Todd and Erika Geers. I have no doubts as to whether or not they are still being used by new arrivals to the country. They are both practical guides to real Japanese, not the language of the classroom but the language of life (meaning love, sex, relationships, breakups, and partying). I can happily report that they did help me with some of my own experiences in Tokyo and that Japan is as careful as any culture with the language of love.

But if there is one book that covers all of the above and more, it has to be Pink Samurai by Nicholas Bornoff - a step-by-step guide through the country's history, mores, and sometimes unfathomable customs of the past and present. Here is one example that still sticks in the mind: yobai (night creeping), a practice during the Heian Era (circa 794 - 1185 BCE) in which young girls who wanted to lose their virginity would wander from village to village and offer themselves to the male youths they encountered. Imagine that on an average Friday or Saturday night.

You might be wondering at this point, “Why in the hell did you leave?” Well, it may seem as though the very air is charged with the hint of sex (at least I have made it seem that way). It may seem that you could land at Narita Airport and have all of your lubricious dreams come true (look that word up).

This is not exactly the case.

After some time, you begin to see the patterns that spoil the fun you think you should be having. As a wise man once said, “Try making love with one stroke.” It is truly that aggravating.

Japan, with all of its efficiency and success as a world player, is also highly-regulated (even karaoke is taken seriously), and you begin to feel this everywhere. It is sometimes hard to know what is real and what is just a front.

A few examples will explain my point:

1) I had to walk home through a park every night after work and every bench I saw in the shade of the trees were a private kissing booth. And yet, it was hard to see any of this kind of affection in the daytime (it would not seem proper to be that open when people can see you).

2) A good friend of mine – followed by a few other acquaintances – suffered from the humiliation of being groped by a drunken salariman on a train, and then the added insult of having the police try to hush up the incident and claim that the man was “just releasing his work-related stress” (a direct quote).

3) And finally, there is pornography. I am sorry, but I cannot trust any country that would have such incredible double standards with this product. As I mention, there was the manga, which was always more graphic than anything you could view in a film. And why was this so? Well, everything below the waist is censored; there is an actual law banning the revelation of pubic hair in the media. To watch one of these videos is to believe that the participants are involved in some sort of Federal Genital Protection Program…and that is just sad. Like any connoisseur, I like my filth to be filthy, not pixilated or scratched out.

Maybe I have said too much with this piece. I am sure that there are some of you who were considering working or even visiting Japan who will not even imagine stepping on a plane heading to the land of the rising yen. That was not what I intended. I have many fond memories of the place and many friends whom I still talk and write to when I can. But I think that any trips back there will have to wait.

You only need so much sexuality so often.

Thank you for reading!

If you liked this, you can add your Insights, Comment, leave a Heart, Tip, Pledge, or Subscribe. I will appreciate any support you have shown for my work.

You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

Give it a look...