One Letter

Dear Mom,

Hi Mom. I hope you and your new husband are doing well in a new country and in a new city. There is something that I want to share with you. I have been hiding something with you since last two years but now I can't take it any more. Although a confession brings much relief and happiness than holding a pain and guilt in your soul.

After dad's death, I was your companion and for me you were my guide, teacher and best friend. Not for long. Things starting changing, when a intruder (man) entered in our life. You dandled almost whole day with him and barely spent time with me. You were not even there in my Annual Day Functions. I knew he was dragging you away from me. I acted like everything was okay. But honestly nothing was okay. I was fifteen and my whole life seemed upside down.

Unfortunate decline in school grades and performance. Except of getting disheartened, I put more perseverance than before. I woke up early, made notes, practice extra questions and went to bed late. The more I put efforts, the more worse result I get. I was tried of all that shit! Frustrating! At that time, I needed you the most. But you were no where. So I decided to quit putting hard work and started living in the darkness of the hall. Where everything is smooth and silence.

I turned sixteen, your relation with him was overwhelmed and overjoyed with happiness. You even went to Italy as a romantic vacation with him. Leaving me all alone with grandpa and grandma. They both are suckers. I won't explain that much because it could hurt you. So, I will get straight away to the point. When you left for Italy, two new people entered in my life. The beginning of euphoria feeling with the end of self destruction.

Zack and Sarah. Zack introduced to me in a new world. Sarah was the girl whom I ruined.

Zack first approached to me as a classmate. We were even at the same football team. He was friendly. We gossiped and then indulge to much in our self that I exposed my feelings to him. About you and your husband relationship. How I felt about it, when you not gave me any attention? How my poor result tugged me back?

"Bro! I know you are stress. I have something that will absorb all your pain in one syrup."

I knew he would offer me alcohol and when he offered me alcohol. My mind was utter vacuum. I drank it. Nothing happened. Yeah, the taste wasn't so good. But after half an hour, I felt relieved and more self confidence started boosting up.

Sarah was my whole world to me. Plane, simple, not much to talk and her nature reminds me of my mother. Her soft words touch each beat of my heart. She was a book worm. She had read a lot of books apart from boring school books. She was really intelligent. Teacher teach us in English and she used to prepare her notes in Japanese or any other languages while teacher was teaching. She called it as a part of her brain exercise.

I liked her, wanted to be her friend, but never got a chance to commence our friendship.

Girls would go haywire after seeing my football performances. Most of the girls eyes on me but my eyes just on one girl. I would try to search her when all the ladies getting stupid at the player of man of the match.

One day, I took an impulsive act that could even threw me out of the school. Inter School Competition Football Match, I was apprehensive about the match since we commenced the practice for the competition. The whole team, coach and the school was holding on me and Zack. Day before the competition I had an idea.

"What if half an hour early, I have a syrup of alcohol drink? It will give me confidence and help in avoiding any anxiety during the match.''

I stole the money from grandma's purse where she always kept some money but never counted them. I straight away ran to the same market from where Zack usually purchased his bad stuff and then scurried for school. Match to begin in 1 hour, getting ready wearing our jerseys, tightening our shoes and etc. Mach to begin in 40 minutes, everyone doing a light warm up. Match to begin in 30 minutes, asked for the permission to use the washroom. Close myself in the washroom, drank it, threw the bottle outside of the washroom. I hope no one watched me. Match to begin in 20 minutes, coach motivating us. Match began.

First goal by me and it felt like, "Today is my day." Second goal by Zack. Third goal by the opposite team. My stomach was burning and my heart pounding fast. Took a deep breath, composed myself. Fourth goal by me, stomach still burning but I did not care. The large crowd just cheering for me. Motivating me to do more good. Ignoring all my pain and commotion set my goal and vision at one place, fifth goal by me. Stomach still burning but still not caring because it was party time. We won by 4/1. The man of the match goes to me like always and still searching for Sarah in the stampede.

No need to seek for love because love will find you when it is the right time and the right time came. I wished that this right time would have never come. Day 17th July, finally met Sarah in the library.

I can't write this mom. I can't write, what I am trying to forget!

Before I was turning to seventeen, you got married, you tried to persuade me to live with him. But I denied and lived with my grandparents.

Everything was going so well with no problems. I was cool, hard boys of the school respected me and had a girlfriend. After a long period, I wasn't alone, I was happy. My happy days did not last for long. Twist and turns enters in your life when everything is perfect.

I and Zack were playing football in school. We both were in opposite team. Zack running beside me and we had a bad conservation between us.

"Sarah is sexy."

"Envious of my sexy girlfriend because your girlfriend looks like panda."

"Mia broke up with me, two months ago. Don't know the reason.''

''Why wouldn't she? She always flirts with me after school. The whole school girls are crazy on me.''

Zack pushing me on the shoulder then on chest.

''What do you think of yourself?"

Giving him one punch on his face.

"If I am the best, why are you so jealous of it?''

Everyone looking at our drama. I left the ground.

I turned seventeen and threw a dashing party at my grandparents house. I sent grandparents to my aunt house for couple of days and promising them to keep the house clean and safe. All my schools friends were invited excluding Zack. Sarah was invited too. I saw her once and then she was no where. The party got over at 11.30 pm, everyone left, I thought Sarah would have left too. I came inside my room and yelped.

"Sarah.''

She was fainted on the floor. Her breathing was not proper. I hold her in my arms, rush to the car. Zack was standing outside of my house and gossiping with Mia. Zack saw me while I was moving out of the house.

"Dude, what is wrong with Sarah." Zack yelled.

"Sarah is not breathing properly." I replied.

"Lets go to the hospital. Come in my car." Zack said.

I sat at the backseat of the car. Holding Sarah more tight and saying, "Everything will be okay."

We reached hospital. Zack commanding me to get out of the car.

I lost her. She was no more breathing. I never thought it will end like this. Why like this, Mom? Whom I thought, I will grow old it. I lost her in 18 minutes in my arms.

After police investigation, the truth revealed that Zack killed her by overdosing her drugs. He took my words and actions against his sense of pride and planned for a revenge. Neither he thought nor I thought she would die. He entered my house through the window, Mia helped him and Mia was the only one to bring Sarah to the room where Zack was. Mia went out of the room and did not know what happened afterwords.

Once again I entered to the hall of the darkness where everything is smooth and silence until evening. There is no night when I haven't cried You kept on asking me, "Is everything fine?"

I kept on lying to you about my feelings. Neither I am a good son nor a good person.

Every night I think its my fault. I should have refused alcohol. I should have refused Zack company. I should have refused to bring Sarah at the party. I should have thought twice and thrice about my actions before taking them. I wish, I could change time.

With tears on my eyes.

Your loving son,

Mike