One Last Reason to Live

This is no careless fantasy fairy-tale with a romantic happy ending,I’m giving you a chance now to leave. However I would rather encourage you to stay and listen to the hard message unfortunately I must share and bring notice to. Reading the title you probably thought this was about a mission to do one last thing before goodbye, well its not. However in this I am going to teach my readers about the importance and impact peoples words have on others and what it can bring them to do, and how a simple act of love can help.

It started out with me being a very stressed student only 12 years old but the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. I was in a situation where I always dealt with everyone’s needs beside my own. I would sit alone most the time because my friends didn’t really value me, I was good for one thing and if I wasn’t needed I was discarded. Of course I was self aware but I tried to tell myself it would pay off, eventually lack of faith tore through my hope and I snapped. I was so angry but I took it out on the wrong people, I was so hurt so I hurt others. Usually me hiding nothing from my parents went from that to hiding everything and breaking down every night and crying myself to sleep. I wanted comfort but when people tried to give me comfort I pushed away.

I felt alone, like the world and God used me and threw me away.” I was hurt beyond repair,” I would tell myself,”no one cares about me I would be better off dead!” Those are the words that led to the strikeout that almost took my life.

I had just got in a fight with my mother and she told me she thought I was useless. Of course she didn’t mean it, but it came out and I was hurt. I did what I normally do and I ran off to a closet and hid myself, snot all over and tears stinging my face, I cried and shook for 10 minutes with that phrase thrashing through my mind. “ Your useless no one cares about you, if you were dead your problems would be gone and mom would be out of her misery,”that my friends was the devil tempting me. I thought that if only I could open my father’s safe I could shoot myself. I was tempted with something that was tearing me apart and I was facing it alone, until something happened.

(You see despite my age I had a very good relationship with children and so did my mother. She babysat kids 4 days a week while me and my brother were at school. She did it from right when she came back from dropping us off to around 2 hours after school. Overtime I created strong bonds with these children and I loved them deeply. Let’s just say one was my favorite, she was one year old but the cutest thing ever and gave the best hugs when she was in the mood. Her name was Lily a very sweet name.)

Alright so after a couple minutes my mom knocks on the door and when I open it I see her and right behind her leg Lily with the most loving genuine concern in her face, she knew I was deeply hurt. I open the door wider and as I wipe the snot from my face and my mom apologizes, Lily walks forward and gave me, a hug. I swear that was the best hug of my life, nothing but pure love as she just curled in my arms and spread her heart all over my hurt and healed me. It has been quite a while since then and I have never ever thought of letting suicide win because that hug wasn’t just temporary love and affection, it was prove that someone did love me and no matter what me head speaks I can say IT IS NONSENSE!

After-note:

This to me, encouraged me but also made me feel pain. One phrase from their mother sent them to a state where they weren’t enough for themselves or anyone. A place where they thought that their problem was themselves and so to help everyone, they must leave. Words have more impact in a persons life then most people realize, its important to say kind words and encourage the people around you. You could be the one that just drove them over the edge, and you might not even know it.