Not The Right Guy

This might not seem like a super embarrassing thing. After all, we have all fallen in love with the wrong person before haven't we. I know that before this guy, I have certainly fallen for the wrong people, but every time I think about this guy I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

For the sake of this let's call this guy Adam. Now Adam was a totally normal seeming guy when I first started talking to him. I was drunkenly talking to one of my friends about how terribly single and alone I am. I usually don't complain about that kind of thing. The point where I am in my life now I am perfectly happy without someone by my side. However, at the time I was 20 and all of my friends were in serious relationships, even married and thinking about having children. So when my friend, let's call her Lana, came over to my house for our weekly get together of drinking, vaping, and playing uno over and over again, I told her how single I felt.

The next day she sent me a picture of this guy that she went to the store with. She was with him and his friends. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous and she gave him my snapchat.

We talked on and off for a couple of weeks. I finally had the courage to ask him if we could meet up at some point. He said he was really busy but he would try and find time. Turns out he wasn't all that busy at all. He had a job at a fast food restaurant and he didn't work everyday of the week. It was infuriating, but I let it go because I really liked him.

On the day we finally met my friend Lana and I were just casually hanging out when she invited him to come with us to the park. We stopped and got us all drinks and then we went over to his house. At first he wanted to stay at his house but we convinced him to go to the park with us. At first I thought we were having a good time, then I realized that while we were hanging out he was scrolling Tinder looking at other girls. I mean are you kidding me?!

That should have been my first red flag. However, the first red flag was a couple weeks later when my friend informed me that he had just gotten a new girlfriend. I was completely out of the picture. That should have ended things right? Wrong.

A couple months later I was moving into a new apartment. I got the idea that I wanted to dye my hair red, so in the middle of dying my hair his friend, let's call him Jesus, texted me on Snapchat and asked if I was still interested in Adam. I was so confused, he had a girlfriend right? Why would they be asking me about him. Adam lived with his best friend Jesus and his wife... Bella. Bella and Jesus were really nice to me when we met a couple months before, but I had never really talked to them. They texted me through Adam's Snapchat which for some reason I had not deleted.

They told me that he was constantly fighting with his girlfriend and he was thinking about breaking up with her. I wasn't really sure why they were telling me this. Apparently while they were talking to me Adam was already out for the count based on how much alcohol he was drinking. He stole his phone back and told me that he was really sorry for ditching me a few months ago. I accepted his apology but I was still unsure about where this was going.

I told Lana about what was going on, just as a friend who was unsure of what to do. All I wanted was advice. All I told her was that Adam was texting me. Lana being who she is, she went and told Adam's girlfriend. They got into a huge fight and broke up that night. Lana and I too started fighting and we ended up ending out friendship right then and there. That should have been another red flag to me. Who breaks up with their girlfriend while drunk like that?

I ended up going to their house the next day and hanging out with Adam, Jesus, and Bella. I had a really fun time. All we did was drink, vape, and talking about everything and nothing. We talked about Lana and what she did, we even listened to songs that reminded us of her. Lana had never been a very good friend to begin with. I wasn't upset over losing her friendship. I ended up going to their house almost everyday for a whole week and just drinking and talking and watching t.v. I had never had friends that I was so close to before and had so much fun with.

A couple of nights later I ended up hanging with Jesus and Bella for only a little bit. Adam and I went into his room and we watched movies and cuddled and talked. I thought things were going really really good. It was our first official date. I mean, how could things get any better than this?! We even kissed that night for the first time and stayed up until almost 4am. We didn't even sleep together that night. I thought Adam was a true gentleman and I was really happy.

For a good week things were going really well between Adam and I. I thought we might really have something. I was also excited to go and hang out with him whenever he invited me over. I was also having a lot of fun hanging out with Jesus and Bella. However, after sleeping together for the first time things started to really change between the two of us. I didn't really notice because I was having so much fun.

The first thing to change was the amount of times he would invite me over. It started with almost every single day of the week, and then it became only once or twice a week. At the same time the amount that he was texting me started to lessen as well. He started ignoring my text messages for days at a time. He only texted me when he invited me over to their house. That should have been my second red flag. I was just so happy to have someone interested in me that I chose to ignore it.

I also noticed that at the same time every time I came over it was just to drink. The only time we hung out alone was when we would go out to the front steps to talk, and that would only be for a few minutes. After that we stopped hanging out alone entirely. I invited him over to my apartment so we could hang out just the two of us, but when I got to the house to pick him up, he remained asleep and told me that he was too tired. I spent HOURS making sure that my apartment was perfectly clean. I even lit candles and everything. That should have been my third red flag. I cried for hours and when he finally woke up he didn't even tell me. He eventually did come over to my house that night, but then went home as soon as he woke up the next morning!

Still I did everything I could to make sure he stayed in my life. I bought him presents, I gave him money so he could pay off his bail stuff. He even bought him a really expensive pentagram necklace. He still barely responded to any of it.

After that came the "I'm sorry" texts and the "I'm still trying to get over my ex" and "I'm just not sure I'm ready for a relationship" conversations. We had the same conversation about him not being ready for a relationship hundreds of times. He told me he loved me, but wasn't sure he could commit. Finally I took a stand. I asked him if he would be ready by my birthday and he said he would be. When I went over for my birthday he completely ignored me the entire time I was there. At that point I had had enough.

A typical story of love gone sour? Most girls at this point would have just stopped talking to him or replying to him. Stop going over to his place and move on. Not many girls would do what I did after that.

I did stop talking to him and going over to their place for a couple of months. I had completely gone numb and didn't even bother trying to text him anymore. I was really determined to move on from him and I was not going to give him an explanation as to why. However, then came Cinco De Mayo.

Adam himself texted me and asked me to come over. Just like that I was right back to where I was months ago. I agreed to come over, I even brought popsicles. I had had a lot to drink that night, including a bunch of jello shots. I thought he finally was ready to be in a relationship with me. Even though I spent most of the night hanging out with Jesus and Bella, when Adam decided he wanted to lay down in his room I asked if I could come too. He agreed. That night I asked him if he was still interested in me and guess what he said? He said yes! We even slept together that night. I went home the next morning thinking that things were back to the way I wanted them to be.

That all ended two days later.

Two days later I was just watching Netflix in my room and scrolling Facebook when Bella called me. I had just been texting Adam about coming over and fixing his necklace. That's when Bella gave me the news. She said that Adam had gotten a girlfriend.

Can you imagine how devastated I was. I spent half a year pouring all my money and time into this guy who couldn't care less if I was there or not. I had cried in front of him, had a panic attack in front of him, and told myself many times that I would move on. Only two days later he had slept with me. I was so heartbroken I had to meet with my therapist twice a week for hour long sessions.

What was worse than the devastation was actually the embarrassment. I had promised myself that I would never ever allow myself to fall in love with someone that didn't love me back. I wrote myself reminders every day. I had worked my ass off and gotten presents for someone who was just using me. I told myself to heed all red flags. I was dying of embarrassment. It was perhaps the worst mistake I have ever made in my entire life.

To this day I remain in contact with Jesus and Bella. We are still pretty good friends I believe at least. I absolutely refuse to see Adam to this day. I imagine if I ever did see him again I would slap him, and I don't want to exhibit that kind of anger.

In all of my twenty-three years of living, that is still the most embarrassed I have ever been.