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No regrets - Well maybe

3 true stories in one. enjoy the embarrassment.

By Owen Cochrane-milnePublished 3 years ago 10 min read
No regrets - Well maybe
Photo by Zakaria Zayane on Unsplash

So, there I was, it was summer about 27 degrees and hot as hell in the kitchen. It was a busy lunch at the cattle grid we had over 50 covers. I was mainly over the grill the worst place to be on a day like today sweating profusely. I was tired and grouchy, and the head chefs taste in music was shit, house music, boring as fuck. Anyway, so I had had 2 steaks come back complaining they were overdone when I checked them they were perfect, customers really pissed me off hence the reason I was not front of house. I re did them bloody and the customers seemed happy but what a fucking waste of food. I’ll save them for the dogs later. The afternoon carried on getting worse for some reason our front of house system kept sending the wrong orders. We recooked so much meat that we could have built a house with what we were going to throw away. By this point I was furious and snapping at anyone who dared speak to me. The final straw came when a dainty little waitress named Greta came up to me and asked if I could cut the steak up for the customer.

I erupted ‘what sort of fucking idiot can’t cut their own steak!!’ I shouted.

The kitchen was open plan and the whole restaurant could hear my slur. Greta looked shocked and almost went white.

‘The man only has one arm and is eating alone by the front door’.

The shame and embarrassment rose like a tidal wave ready to swallow me whole. The head chef came over to me.

‘Go and apologise now and offer him a beer you fucking twat!’ he said quietly.

My face felt hot with embarrassment and I walked like a condemned man over to the man sitting at the table. He looked at me and smiled.

‘I’m sorry about my outburst.’ I said like a little kid.

‘Don’t worry about it it’s far more embarrassing having to ask’. He said jovially.

‘How do you want you steak cut little pieces or big?’

‘Big chunky cuts please I want to enjoy it!’

‘No worries sir. And can I offer you a beer to say sorry?’

‘That would be delightful I’ll have a Sol please’.

I returned feeling worse that he had been so kind about the entire thing. I cut the steak up chunky and grabbed a Sol from the fridge. I returned to the customer.

‘Here you go hope you enjoy’.

‘Looks perfect …. And thanks for the beer’.

I walked back quickly and resumed my spot in hell. The rest of the shift was as chaotic as the start but I was silent and just got on with my job.

I finished at 6pm and thought thank fuck for that. I went to the pub The Jolly Roger but on the way called my dealer. I needed something to take the edge off the day.

‘Hey Kev, can I get some trainers and a can of coke please?’

‘Of course, Darren where shall I meet you I’m in town and fancy a pint.’

‘I’ll be In the Jolly Roger’.

‘See you there in half an hour’.

You had to talk in code to Kev trainers was speed and can of coke obviously cocaine. The pub was busy, I sat down after the throng at the bar. I sat there and downed half my Stella in one. Should have bought two I thought to myself. I sat there nursing the rest of my drink thinking about how funny and what a businessman Kev was. He sold just about anything and had some sly methods of making money off people. For example, with Ketamine he coloured his grams so that some were white, some were green and some were red. He charged different prices for the drugs but the only difference was food colouring. People lapped up the red stuff and were disappointed with the white the supposed weakest. Funny how the placebo affect works. Although I suppose it’s not a placebo cos it is all drugs. I was pondering this conundrum when Kev entered.

‘Hey buddy!’ he said happy to see me.

‘Want a pint?’ I asked.

‘Of-course I’ll join you with a Stella’.

‘Coming up’.

I joined the hordes at the bar and 5 minutes later sat down again with four pints of Stella.

‘Bloody hell Darren you thirsty there boy’

‘Just can’t be arsed to queue again in 5 minutes.’

‘Sensible’ he replied.

Kev took a huge glug of the drink and foam was stuck in his moustache. ‘Fucking love beer on a day like today’.

‘Me too’ I replied quietly.

‘What’s the matter boy you seem glum?’ He said with genuine concern.

I proceeded to explain what had happened at work and he guffawed loudly after my outburst. He listened to the rest of my monologue and said.

‘Let’s go an sort you a line on the house that should perk you up.’‘We went to the disabled toilets as they were away from the general public and big enough for both of us to be in the cubicle.

‘Here you go boy’ he passed me the speed and the coke.

He deftly racked up two big lines on the side and we both greedily snorted them. The burn did work and made me feel better.

‘Let’s go and play some pool’ he said ‘my girl should be out there now she has a special talent’.

‘I bet she does’ I replied.

We walked into the garden and he shouted Tiffany to this stunning blonde bombshell in the corner waiting by the pool tables. She must have been 6 foot and could have been a model. I couldn’t see much of her body cos she was wearing a poncho, but her face was gorgeous. We walked over and he gave her a kiss on the cheek. I said hello and she waved at me with her right arm. The guys playing pool had just finished and she challenged me to a game.

‘So up for getting your arse handed to you by a girl?’ she said feistily.

The coke was starting to have an effect and I responded.

‘Watch out I’ve been known to eat girls like you for breakfast.’

‘I doubt it’ Kev laughed.

I racked up the balls and said, ‘ladies first’.

She broke the balls just using her right arm holding the cue steady and potting two reds off the break. BITCH I said inwardly. She carried on using just her right arm and potted another red in the bottom right corner. She finally missed a shot narrowly and had set me up straight down the table into the top left pocket. I picked up my cue blew the tip and readied myself. I felt a rush from the coke and hit the cue ball hard. The shot which I would usually get in ricocheted around the pocket and rebounded down the table.

‘BOLLOCKS’ I said loudly.

‘I thought you ate girls like me for breakfast’ Tiffany laughed poking out her tongue.

She deftly potted the next red into the middle pocket again with her right arm only, setting herself up for the next depressing shot. She potted the 5th ball but snookered herself. This time she slightly miscued and hit one of my balls. YES I thought to myself two shots. I potted two yellows but on my third shot clunked it and set her up. At this point I was getting pissed off with her cocky ability to play one handed. She potted the 6th ball and as usual set herself up for the 7th, which she potted with ease. Her final fuck you was to double the black into the middle left pocket. I chucked the pool cue on the table and in my frustration said.

‘Now play me with two hands!’

Tiffany face turned and she picked up the cue to hit me with it. Kev had to jump in.

‘Whoa whoa whoa! Sorry babe Darrens just a moron… Darren she only has one arm’.

She calmed down slightly and from beneath the poncho she revealed her left arm which was just down to the elbow.

‘Oh my God I’m so SORRY!’ I said ‘I just thought… well.. Just sorry.’

I went redder than I had in the restaurant earlier. At this point both Kev and Tiffany laughed at my tomato face.

‘Don’t worry’ she said ‘it was clearly and honest mistake… but you owe me a drink for losing at pool and putting your foot in your mouth’.

I was starting to cool down and said ‘Whatever you want’.

‘One armed bandit please?’

I looked puzzled and ashamed and both Kev and Tiffany laughed loudly again.

‘I’ll have a large Aperol spritz’.

‘Coming up’ I said ‘Kev another?’

‘Why not.’

I went to the bar and while I was waiting my phone rang. I looked at the screen it was my Mrs.

‘Helloooo’ came her posh voice.

‘I’m ready and waiting for you at home come home now!’

‘I’ll be 15 minutes’ I said.

I bought the drinks made said my goodbyes and left.

I walked home fast Helena was pissed and horny and when she beckoned me I knew I was I for a good night. 5 minutes from home I got the call.

‘Where are you?’ She said slightly slurring her words.

‘I’m 5 minutes away babe walking faster than I ever have before’.

‘Well don’t use up all your energy you will need some for me.’

I sped up and got home in 3. I quickly rushed through the door and straight up to the bedroom. She was lying there in stockings and suspenders black lacey bra and crotchless knickers. I jumped on the bed and we started kissing passionately. After a while of fondling I undid her bra to let out her GG breasts and sucked on her nipples. She groaned and rubbed my hair as I played with her. She then pushed my head down and I started to lick her clit. She was writhing in pleasure, so I put two fingers in her to increase the sensation. She was a bit dry even though I had been in the act for a while.

‘Babes think you might need some lube.’

‘Shut up and keep going’ she said

From my vantage point between her legs I saw her reach over to the bedside table eyes still closed enjoying my work. She pulled out a smallish tube then pushed my head off her. She squirted the liquid onto her fingers and inserted them into her. At this point I was so horny I couldn’t keep my erection in my trousers, I shed my clothes and got ready for penetration.

All of a sudden she stopped dead looked at me in a mild sense of panic.

‘Oh no’ she said sounding worried ‘that doesn’t feel good.’

‘What babe?’ I asked annoyed I wasn’t already in her.

‘My pussy feels sticky’ she said I looked confused.

‘But you just used the lube?’

This is when it dawned on her. ‘Oh my God!’ she said in shock.

‘What’ I replied.

‘I used fucking nail glue not the lube’.

A second passed and then I burst into laughter.

‘Shut up she said’ but then started to laugh.

No regrets I thought.



About the Creator

Owen Cochrane-milne

I am a new writer from England with a triptic mind and good vocabulary. Be prepared for disturbed sex drugs and rock n roll with a twist.

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