MY MOTHER, MY AUNT

My mother and I always had a very unusual relationship. My mother gave birth to me while she was going through her change of life or menopause if you prefer. I was the last of 7 children with a 25-year age span between the first and last child. My mother was an incredibly quiet woman, a very reserved classy woman. She never spoke much! As a youngster I would have to pry a conversation out of her. However, she was always evasive with her answers and her answers always left me with another question that would also go unanswered. I always thought that I was my sister’s child for you see my sister moved to California right after I was born. In the 50’s, a lot of this was hidden to protect the mother of the child. However, what my mother revealed to me later in my life, on her death bed; was the most disturbing yet appreciated truth that helped me to understand her, her decisions, and helped to mold my path in life.

To understand my mother, and her death bed bombshell; I must first introduce you to my father. My father had at least three known families, married to four women (without a divorce from the first) and a had a multitude of women and outside children. My mother fell in love with this extremely handsome and charming man, ran away with him, married him and they began what she thought was to be a good life. Over the years, all the other marriages with their offspring children begin to appear and his infidelities were endless. When she gave birth to me, the Doctor who delivered me said I was the prettiest baby he had ever delivered. He begged my mother to give me to him because he and his wife were childless. He also knew my father had deserted my mother and she was now a single woman barely making it. However, she told me that she told him “we would all starve together”; so, my somewhat confused struggling life begin. We were so incredibly poor, and I often wondered why she did not give me to that doctor. I never knew my father personally. I knew him only in appearance. I do not really have many pleasant memories of him. I do remember some of the cruel harsh words he said to me over the years.

However, my mother was a dynamic woman who shared pearls of wisdom throughout our short time together and near the end of her life a bombshell that crushed my heart in a positive way. With the revelation of that bombshell, I understood a lot and I appreciated her even more. There were a lot of “I wonder why’s” in my life. I often wonder why my sister did not really like me (of course in the beginning I thought I was her child). I wondered why I was treated differently at family functions on my father’s side and why I was so tremendously loved on my mother’s side of the family. I wondered why I did not resemble my older siblings. I wondered why I did not have a connection with the older siblings like I had with my two other brothers. To appreciate my bombshell even more, I now must introduce you to my Aunt, my mother’s sister.

My aunt was a strong Christian woman who smoked a pipe with at least eight children of her own facing her own struggles. However, this woman would take myself and my two brothers each summer and take care of us as her own. You see my mother worked as a cashier at the school and she did not receive any pay when she did not work during the summer months. So, each summer my mother packed our few belongings and sent us to stay with my aunt because she did not have any money to even feed us. As a child I hated going to my aunt and would beg to stay home. My mother never offered us an explanation! She simply packed our clothes and away we would go by bus, car, or train. These summers turned out to be the best years of my life. I slept in a twin bed with my aunt, and she always held me close. My first cousins instilled in me the need for a good education, they molded me into the person I have become and gave me unconditional love. We shared so many treasured moments in those summers. Moments we laugh about even to this day. These cousins who were older than me; often eluded in conversation that I was their sister. However, their statements never really sunk in until later in my life after my mother’s bombshell! Those cousins always were there through my crises and my heartaches.

You see my story is about forgiveness, compassion, and love. My mother’s bombshell on her dying bed revealed my identity. My aunt was not only my aunt but also my stepmother. She revealed to me about her secret affair with my aunts’ husband (who was also a bit of a womanizer). My aunt forgave my mother for her affair with her husband that produced me and my two brothers (the last three children my mother gave birth too). She had compassion and helped to raise us because she realized these circumstances were not our fault. She loved us as her own and my first cousins accepted us with no reservations. At age 32, I found out who I was on my mother’s death bed. Now I understood my mother’s evasive conversation. I understood my father’s harsh words and unaccepting presence of me and my brothers. Through those two awesome women I too learned forgiveness, compassion, and love.

Today and every day I thank my mother and my aunt for their lessons in forgiveness, compassion, and love. My mother died at age 72 from complications of Sickle Cell Disease. My aunt died at 82 with leukemia which resulted from complications of the Sickle Cell Trait. At age 17, not really knowing a lot about these conditions related to Sickle Cell a passion within me grew. I learned more about this disease and now I speak on the Clinical Manifestations of Sickle Cell Disease. I witness both women suffer through the hardships of life and the strain of dealing with all the complications of this hereditary genetic disorder. I too, and my children possess the Sickle Cell Trait. We now run a Non-Profit Organization call “The Potter’s Hand” who’s sole purpose is to help those with Sickle Cell have a better and more prosperous life. Thanks to both ladies, 40 years later I now make a difference in so many people with Sickle Cell Disease. I also educate professionals in both the Dental and Medical field through educational seminars about Sickle Cell Disease and the precautions they should recognize about this disease in their respective professions. One day we hope to have a cure for this devastating genetic disease. Today more research is being done. Maybe the cure will not be found in my lifetime however I will continue to serve the Sickle Cell Community through compassion and love for the rest of my life.