My First Love

It sounds quirky, but it is true.

My father was probably my first love. Sounds a bit weird saying it, but he really was. I don't really have a clear memory of it, but everyone tells me that I was determined to marry him when I grew up.

My father was often away from home on his business trip. I was home with my mother alone later with my younger sister, but we apparently had many visitors while he was away since my mother was well-liked by family friends, and relatives from both sides: hers and his. She used to tell me about more than a few incidents, the evidence of my admiration and love? for my father.

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"You probably don't remember, but you are very protective of your father; so much so that you will be keeping an eye on the things for him while he is gone." said my mother at his 45th birthday dinner table just the family.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, remember my friend, Saki?" said she, "when she was visiting while your father was gone, you wouldn't let her eat strawberries saying that they were your father's."

"Really? I don't remember that at all." I replied.

With a lopsided grin, she continued, "that is not all. You stood in front of the TV and insisted that the TV was your father's and she could not watch it."

"You're kidding me." said I, rolling my eyes.

"Not only that, when she tried to sneak by your side to turn on the TV, you bit her arm to stop her !"

When she finished telling the embarrassing stories in front of my younger sister and my father, I was mortified. It would have been different if I were an adult having my own life. But I was a teenage girl who was more into boys than my father then.

I had left home at 19 and lived most of my 20s and 30s in America for studying and working. My father was not schooled properly during the WWII. He admited that he didn't like to study so he used to skip classes by following the stranger going into the movie theater acted like my father belonged to him. I am not sure how far did he finish his schooling, but I could tell by the lines he wrote at the end of my mother's regular mails from Japan, he probably barely finished the second or the third grade.

Years later, I found out that my mother who wanted to be a teacher, naturally academic helped him at anything related to paperwork after they married until he retired at 58.

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My father was a street smart, though; he managed to become the No.1 salesperson among 4 regions of the country of Japan, by promoting and selling the insurance for the postoffice, which was under the federal government management at that time.

" Ayumi, let's compete, who's gonna get more awards in this term." he said.

" Okay, what I am going to get when I win?"said me trying to goad him.

"Well, I will give you whatever you wish," said him, "that is IF you win.” giving me a smirk.

During my elementary school years, I remember having displays of our all acheivement awards in the frame hanging around the wall. I don't remember who won or if I won, but it didn't really matter. To me, it was fun things to do with him.

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My father was a very loving and family oriented person, even though he had his fault in too much liking of gambling. His last 5 years of life at assistance home, he often enjoyed going to the arcade playing games with his grandson on weekends.

In July 2019, I spent the whole month in Japan with my dying father. In his old age, he had his share of chronic symptoms and the operation to remove a cancer cell several years ago. The cancer was back this time in an inoperable area. He was slowly losing his appitite and his time was coming. We had his 88th birthday cerebration together in this last visit. He was under 38 kg (approx 84 pounds) and struggling to move freely but in spirits. I knew he was constantly in pains at that time, and surprisingly told me so. I am certain that never once in his life, he had been so open and vulnerable to anyone.

I knew that this could very well be the last time for me to see him. On the day of heading back to America, I told him good-bye on his bed at the home. I had given him a reiki session and told him that he did not have to hang on for me, or anyone else anymore. Miraculously, he had regained his appitite once more after my departure and lived another 6 months. In January, 2020 almost exactly 4 years later, my father joined his beloved wife, my mother in heaven.

After experiencing WWII during the most fundamental years of childhood with extreme hunger and fear of safety, my father had worked over 40 yeras for his family and rewarded with 30 long years of retirement life, loved and surrounded by his friends and family, doing what he loves to do, and keeping his smiles on even the midest of hardships and pains.

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"Dad, I miss you, but I know you are free now. Free from the pains and wounds both in your body and heart. Free to be at anywhere with anyone. I am grateful for everything you have done for me. Time we had together on the earth was indeed blessings.”

Until we meet again,I will see you in my dream,

xoxo

Ayumi

P.S. Happy 3rd Father's Day in Heaven! Thank you for your continuing support and protection from where you are. I will have your favorite sweat bean cakes at the altar. Bon Appetit!