Love Or Lust

Sometimes in the past, I have confused lust for love. Pretty much I tend to confuse attraction with " is this my lover or soulmate"? I have found myself in numerous situations thinking to myself is this it? As in, this sex is so good, that this is and must be my lover! So of course, I allowed myself to be in a year-and-a-half-long relationship with a man who carried an anchor between his legs. We met at A nude beach, so I definitely saw a view of his jewels immediately before we dated. I was ultimately vegan, open, and free at that point that when I saw this man come out of his swimming trunks, my mouth dropped, and my mind immediately said "what that D*** do? At this moment I clearly was lusting but I confused it with "do I love him or not?" As a woman who loves men, I can't help but crave those thoughts. Speaking of those thoughts, one was, can I handle it and can he himself handle it?

The energy was there instantly, a Sagittarius and a Leo (speaking zodiacal) easily intertwining with one another without no question or no remorse. As we all were on that beach setting that day, I can remember him walking up to us with his home girl and intentionally interacting with us. At this point, he was wearing clothes and she was extremely nervous to step out of hers. Of course, the free-spirited, bubbly, loving, and loyal queen like me decided to assist her with her comfort which in turn led to her Nelly moment "it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes! She was a beautiful joyful spirit and we all stay connected that day!

Before that day ended and WAY before it got started, my girls and I took shrooms (the special ones) and we couldn't have been more unreserved. As I reflect on when we first met, I begin to reflect on how we got together and until I eventually ended everything. However, I learned so much, specifically the difference between love and lust. Shamefully I used to be disappointed in myself after we were not working, and why were we not working? I met someone and thought he was only for me, when I thought about my sex life at that time I realise my lust was seeking for more than I did not know I wanted. I was basking in the ambiance of a freaky, overly sexual experienced man that wanted me.

We talked separately from everyone else that previously was at the nude beach at the time and he definitely landed his shot. Fast-forwarding to our 8-month relationship, He eventually brought me to one of his so-called lit parties which in turn was a sex party. I was appalled, only because he did not disclose the theme of the party he invited me to, especially after I asked what was the theme of the party. He said to me I quote "wear whatever you want to wear." After I was told this, I said to myself well what type of party is that? Laughing out loud to myself, I realized this was not love anymore and he was all about himself at this point. I say that because, where was the honesty and security for one? Number 2 had he been honest I would have been secure and trusted enjoying the night with him.

All in all, I was with him for a year going on 2 years and I had to decide and understand if this relationship was for me or not! The journey was so fun, especially with the sex but while that sexed me out for a bit, lust definitely taught me that love felt ten thousand times better! Throughout that relationship that was all I indefinitely fault for, the genuine strong loving feeling of love!

We had some experiences that I still say wow to this day and I have received self-confirmation that I understand love versus lust and love definitely last longer.