Learning that Diamonds are made under pressure!

The first memory I have of yearning to move out from my country was due to the precious moments on stage while I was learning to sing, dance & act. We used to do different versions of Broadway musicals like Annie, Cats & 42nd street. The happiness experienced made me believe that one day I could work making a living with this passion.

My native country is Venezuela, long time ago the idea of the American Dream was sweet. Of course, when you have 5 years old you don’t realize that in reality there is a rank of races and that unfortunately, some have more privileges than others.

My family educated me with the idea that I could become anything I wanted in life.

My perception of the society in my country was that foreign people had the same opportunities and get the same treatment. Where I come from we value & welcome everyone with open arms.

But when you face the need of migrating to another country when your home is going through a humanitarian crisis, things change dramatically. Your bubble pops up and you need to begin from scratch. It doesn’t matter how much you think you accomplished in your hometown.

Local celebrities suddenly become no one, some of them ended up working in delivery to afford their expenses for example.

Well let me tell you that the guy from Deliveroo makes more money than a manager with MBAs and PhDs in my country.

Venezuelans work really hard, sometimes waking up at 3 A.M. to go to the city and they can barely afford groceries with their monthly salary.

In my case, I have been aware that in spite of the oil reservations, we were lacking something.

My true inspiration for becoming bilingual came from a terrible obsession with the Backstreet Boys & Harry Potter so I learned English thanks to my privilege and my passion. Of course, writing my journal in this language in case my brother broke the locket also played a part.

The idea of living in London meant progress and dreams come true. I arrived in England in 2017 with lots of expectations. Wanted to live my truth as an accomplished artist but reality punched me in the face.

I couldn’t get a job right away and ended up not feeling at my best.

I needed to try to find a higher purpose in the everyday stuff. Remember that the reason I left my friends and family was for the hope of a brighter future.

While I have been here, I have done jobs I would never think I would do. Like being a team member in salad franchises, where for the first time I cleaned a bathroom.

I had to overcome my anxiety of socializing cause I needed money so I accepted roles in a Customer Service environment. Back home I was my own boss and worked from home mostly so didn’t have to see anyone if it wasn’t necessary.

Learned some face-to-face sales skills that by the way, I think still have to practice.

Lose more than a few pounds (From size XXL when to S in 1 year). Understand the difference between both cultures (let me tell you that it’s plenty).

Now I am facing a pandemic basically on my own with the fear of not having anyone around if the worst-case scenario arise. But this was a wake-up call for everyone. For me was an earthquake telling me that I have lost my purpose. My goals of studying a Master were forgotten and nothing made sense at all.

For the first time had panic attacks, felt like I was dying (it’s a terrible feeling), and after a few nightmares that were vivid requested what they call a crisis intervention.

Where I come from going to therapy means that you are crazy, basically, there is no education whatsoever that tells people that sometimes you need to scream, and the intervention of someone who can make you analyze your life seeing different perspectives helps to close many chapters that somehow were painful and still the wounds are fresh like the events happened yesterday.

When I was in High School, never slept like normal people. All these years I have been suffering from terrible nightmares, most of them involving someone chasing me to kill me. But of course, that’s the way we used to live back home, with the fear that if you go to your uni classes and get to a bus you might not come back alive.

The political ideal of communism was lovely once but in practice never worked out and also most of the people were completely incompetent. They are in those positions for the wrong reason. Serving is not their goal, being selfish and gathering massive fortunes while holding on to power so tightly that the voice of a country is completely silenced.

After being in therapy, suffering from anxiety, panic attacks while I was in lockdown on my own I was aware of all my shadows more than ever. They couldn’t be avoided anymore.

In the middle of it, a purpose to live came, the idea of helping others in any way possible including supporting my family, encouraging my friends to pursue their dreams and being grateful for any detail in life.

Each day many won’t be able to see the light of day. For some people, each day could be the saddest day in their lives when they lose someone. Picking the saddest day ever is very easy, the answer comes right away. On my journey, I lost my parents & my grandma she was like another mother to me. Then I discover that psychologically when you migrate is like living all those nightmares again.

Here I am, from the crisis trying to find the flowers, feeling the rays of the sun and be able to find bliss. Working on my project (a brand that has as the main purpose, helping people). If it wasn´t for this pandemic probably the idea wouldn’t come out. My attention was completely scattered and was going through the days like there is nothing to hope for.

Faced a bunch of low self-esteem issues while changing different jobs that had nothing to do with my degree.

There are in fact, races that are more privileged than mine but have a certainty that I can overcome and become everything I dreamed of.

Fighting against all the limitations that by the way most of them are on my mind. Just like fear and other stuff that is not useful at all cause makes me self sabotage every time.

Finding out that I deserve and I matter, just because I am a human being just like you.

In the end, we all want the same thing, being loved and love in return.

And Learning that Diamonds are made under pressure!