Knowing His Body Count Made Him Less Attractive

Hey! What’s your body count?

If this question confuses you, here’s what it means — the number of people you have killed. Um, what?

In the modern dating world, your body count is the number of people you had sex with.

I didn’t know such a term existed until a guy I was talking to asked me this question — What’s your body count?

I didn’t think it mattered to me.

I like to think of myself as an open-minded person. Your past does not matter a lot to me. Everyone has one, and at the start of a relationship, it’s best not to delve into it.

But we weren’t looking to date. Our aim was to get married.

Following a typical arranged marriage setting, we started talking to each other, intending to know the other and decide if we would be suitable life partners.

Two months of talks later, things were looking good. Even with a six-year age difference, we had a great connection and a lot in common. The biggest one being my brother. Vinny was my brother’s college friend.

When he first approached me, my brother was not too happy. “He’s a great guy. But he has never stuck with one girl for over 6 months. He’s only had one serious relationship that lasted 3 years. Other than that, I have never seen him interested in a girl for too long.”

My brother warned me of this early on, and I didn’t take it seriously. There could be a multitude of reasons — maybe he was commitment-phobic (or not, since he clearly expressed his desire to marry me) or he just didn’t find the right person.

One night, between our usual three-hour-long calls, came his question — “What’s your body count?”

“Uh, I had one serious relationship so . . . one. What about you?” I asked, unsure if I wanted to know this bit of information.

“Let’s see . . . 12,” he said, pausing while he counted.

“What? 12?” I asked incredulously.

“Hey, don’t judge me!” he laughed.

“I am not!” I said, getting defensive immediately. “Were you dating all these people?”

“Of course not. Some were hookups, one-night stands, and well, one was a client. She was married.” he admitted, sheepishly.

“What!?”

This revelation was not something I was expecting. Up till ‘a client,’ I was okay. But a married woman? Having personal experience with being cheated on, this was not something I could digest.

“Why the heck would you have sex with your client? And that too, a married woman?”

“She sort of talked me into it. She was having problems with her husband and all that,” he said.

“Okay, now I am judging you.”

He laughed, and we continued talking.

As our conversation flowed around other topics, my mind kept going back to this number. Why did it make me uncomfortable knowing this? He was very open and honest about it, but why was I so bothered?

Does your body count matter?

The opinions on this one are mixed. Some say it’s best to leave the past behind. Others may want to know out of curiosity. In a new relationship, the talk about your past will come up.

I judged him based on a number.

I have always maintained my opinion that a person’s past doesn’t matter. And yet, here I was blatantly judging. And who was I to judge someone else for their preferences?

Yet, knowing an exact number changed something for me. It raised questions I had never thought of before. While one-night stands and hook-ups sounded exciting, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was more than sex.

To me, sex is a very intimate experience of sharing your energy. Why was he so willing to share his?

If I got married to him, how would I feel if I met someone he hooked up with? Some of them were people in the same friend circles. That meeting would be uncomfortable for sure.

With what my brother told me earlier combined with this number, I was no longer sure if I could trust him to be loyal. My own trust issues came into play the minute he talked about a married woman.

To me, the number signified trauma with which he was unwilling to deal. And someone who wasn’t actively working on himself was not the partner I wanted.

There’s nothing wrong with having sex. Everyone is free to do whatever they want with their bodies. A high sex number doesn’t signify promiscuity, but it does say a bit about who you are.

Even though we called it off for other reasons, we stayed in touch. A year later, I spoke to him again. He shared that he had been with a few more women at that time. It didn’t come as a surprise.

Whether you are Charlotte from Sex and the city, or Samantha, your sexual habits say something about you.

Your number does not lower your value, but every time you give your body to someone else, they hold a piece of you forever. That is a fact, and it should matter to you.