"Just A Friend"

What is a friend? Is it just someone that you call when you need someone to talk to? Is it someone to whom you reveal all your secrets? Or is it a person that you have slowly fallen for?

I had a friend. Well, I could say that we're friends, but I don't know how he feels towards me. Maybe he sees me as a rival, a nuisance, or even an enemy. No matter what I am to him, he'll always be my friend.

It all started with a simple school competition. I had won that and he went home in second place. Knowing his father as an excellent person in everything that he does, I am sure that he got some lectures from his dad. I even felt guilty when his dad praised me in front of him. I felt like I was winning in that competition, making him feel bad or look bad.

Even though I wanted to reach out to him, talk to him, and be friends with him, I just couldn't do it since he became distant from me.

Growing up, I always looked forward to being friends with him, stopping the rivalry and competition between us.

And that time had come. We had come to the same university, and we had spent quite a lot of time with each other. I was happy to laugh with him, smile, and look into his eyes, but I knew everything wouldn't last long. We can't stay together like this for a long time since we are both candidates for a scholarship abroad. Again, we've become rivals.

What can I do?

I think we were originally born and meant to be rivals. In everything that involves the two of us, there is a competition.

I know you badly want that scholarship abroad because you want to be far away from your perfectionist father, and so, without a fair fight, I gave it to you, but you don't seem to be happy. From that day that you got the scholarship, you became more distant from me, and you seemed to hate me so much that you couldn't even give me a single glance. You didn't even give me a simple hug or a smile at that time at the airport. I know you saw me because your beautiful brown eyes were clearly captured with mine and were carefully saved in my memory.

What does that single tear in your eyes mean? You seemed sad that day, but why didn't you even hug me for the last time? Instead of having a chat for the last time and saying your goodbyes, you just turned around and didn't even bother to take a second glance at me.

I think we were just not meant to be friends.

I think we'll forever be rivals, competitors, and enemies. But I am afraid I cannot look at you as one of those, because I have realized that I have fallen in love with you.

Those racing heartbeats and tingling stomach when I am with you, those genuine smiles and happy eyes when you joke around, are my feelings that I haven't realized, not until now.

Since that day that I saw you walking away from me without a proper goodbye, that moment keeps on haunting me even in my waking hours. You seem like a plague, a virus that has infected my whole being.

Since that day, I've forced myself to forget you. I will live my life the way it is without you. No rivalry, no competition, just me!

But that time that I saw you again after five years, my heart raced, my cheeks turned red, not because I liked you, but out of rage that I developed every day that I thought of you. As time goes by, we become buddies—Bad Buddies, because we are soul mates, but as enemies.