Is it normal to talk to yourself?

As the blaring morning alarm jolts you awake, a groan escapes your lips as you wonder, "Why did I set it so early?" While absentmindedly brushing your teeth, you catch a glimpse of your reflection and contemplate getting a haircut, but then a hopeful thought interrupts, "Unless...?" In a frantic rush out the front door, you reach for your keys, only to discover they're missing. Frustration takes over as you exclaim, "I can’t do anything right!" – and that's precisely when you notice your neighbor witnessing your outburst.

Being caught talking to yourself might seem embarrassing, and some people may even stigmatize it as a sign of mental instability. However, decades of psychology research have shown that talking to oneself is perfectly normal. In fact, most, if not all, of us engage in some form of self-talk every single day. But why do we talk to ourselves, and does it really matter what we say?

Self-talk, often referred to as inner speech, is the narration that goes on inside our heads. It differs from mental imagery or recalling facts and figures. Psychologists specifically define self-talk as verbalized thoughts directed toward oneself or some aspect of one's life.

This self-talk comes in various forms – from personal conversations, such as "I need to work on my free throw," to reflections like "The gym is crowded tonight. I’ll come back tomorrow." While most self-talk in adults tends to be silent, even speaking to oneself out loud falls into this category. In fact, it is believed that children's first experiences with self-talk are predominantly vocal, as they often speak to themselves out loud while playing. Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky hypothesized in the 1930s that this type of speech was instrumental in a child's development, helping them practice managing their behaviors and emotions independently.

As children grow older, this outward self-talk becomes internalized, transforming into a private inner dialogue. This internal self-talk plays a crucial role in planning, navigating through challenging situations, and even motivating oneself throughout the day. Although studying self-talk can be challenging due to its spontaneous and often subconscious nature, scientists are still exploring questions such as why some individuals engage in self-talk more than others, what brain areas are activated during self-talk, and how this activation differs from normal conversation.

One thing that is certain, however, is that the content of our self-talk can significantly impact our attitude and performance. Engaging in instructional or motivational self-talk has been shown to enhance focus, boost self-esteem, and help tackle everyday tasks effectively. For instance, a study on collegiate tennis players found that incorporating instructional self-talk during practice increased their concentration and accuracy. Just as talking to a friend can reduce stress, speaking directly to oneself may also aid in emotion regulation.

Another form of self-talk is distanced self-talk, where individuals talk to themselves as if in conversation with another person. Instead of saying, "I’m going to crush this exam," one might think, "Caleb, you are prepared for this test!" This type of self-talk has been found particularly helpful in reducing stress during anxiety-inducing tasks, like meeting new people or public speaking.

However, while positive self-talk can be empowering, negative self-talk can be harmful. Many people occasionally criticize themselves, but when this behavior becomes too frequent or overly negative, it can turn toxic. High levels of negative self-talk are often predictive of anxiety and intense feelings of depression in both children and adults.

Thankfully, there's a psychological treatment called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that focuses on regulating the tone of self-talk. CBT therapists teach strategies to identify cycles of negative thoughts and replace them with more neutral or compassionate reflections. Over time, these tools can significantly improve one's mental health.

So, the next time you find yourself engaged in self-talk, remember to be kind. That inner voice is a lifelong partner, and treating it with compassion and positivity can positively influence your well-being and life's journey.