Is growing up as awful as it seems?

Yes and no.

So I am probably what you would consider an old (early 40s) and yes growing up is absolutely awful it really is. You know I think every kid thanks to themselves when I become an adult I'm going to do whatever I want I'm grown no one's going to tell me what to do and then when you become an adult that does not happen. So maybe by that time you're no longer living with your parents although given the state of rent prices in this country a lot of adult children end up moving back home but even not including that your life constantly feels like it is controlled by others. If you are working for someone else you are having to give a great chunk of your time at least 8 hours a day 5 days a week probably doing work that you absolutely hate doing just so you can be told when you can take a lunch break when you can take a cigarette break and when you can leave for the day. And adding further insult to injury your pay is insulting because it's not even covering basic needs such as rent food utilities Child Care etc. There is a likelihood that if you are living alone by this time you will probably have roommates and God help you if they are horrible because then you have to contend with other assholes that either or obnoxious or they don't want to pay their share of the rent or they make too much noise that sort of thing. If you are in a relationship that may be even extra stress for you especially if that other person does not really have the same values that you do and if you two are not communicating if there isn't that mutual respect and understanding and care and concern for each other you're going to have a lot of problems. Same thing with your friends once you become an adult. Hopefully, you will have good people in your life that you can bond with that really care about you and you care about them and you're both contributing to each other's peace as opposed to contributing to each other's stress. So because adults have to invest so much of their time working and meeting the basic needs they don't have as much time as they would like to rest take on hobbies go for a walk enjoy conversations with people that they care about just to be able to do those things that make life beautiful.

Now with all of that said, you could not pay me to be a child or a teenager again. Even with all of the stresses of adulthood, adding on to that thing like not really being in shape and being in constant pain you cannot pay me to be a child again. There have been some remarkable beautiful things about being an adult, such as the ability to leave home and know that I don't have to go back to the way things were and I don't have to be controlled anymore and I don't have to tolerate all of the BS that I had to tolerate as a kid. It's a beautiful thing to do things such as wake up in my own home and it's quiet and I can go at my own pace and I can plan my day and I can make myself a cup of coffee and I don't have to explain myself to people and I don't have to feel like I'm constantly on guard. I have a lot more say in who comes into my life compared to when I was a kid. If a situation is not working out for me and I know that I did the best that I could to make that situation work then I don't have to stick around I can figure something else out. I can walk away so that I can protect my peace. I'm in a situation where I don't have to be in school anymore and I have a lot more say in where my time goes. Now I still have to do things like pay my own rent and utilities and go grocery shopping and have panic attacks, but aside from that, I can still do more of what is right for me.

I feel like a lot of parents and teachers and elders don't really have these conversations about the realities of adulthood because we have this idea that you're supposed to figure it all out for yourself. And yes you know adulthood is going to give you so many surprises and disappointments and moments of what the f*** but I also think that you know it would have been super helpful for someone to have said to me being an adult is going to suck in unbelievable ways, but it's also going to be pretty cool in a lot of other ways. But you should be able to have those conversations and get those perspectives from those of us who have been there.