Identity Crisis

Dig if you will. 1988. A young, confused, Black boy. Grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. Only music he knew was Heavy Metal and some Pop songs but not much R&B or rap. Only shows he watched were the shows with a mainly white cast....except the Huxtables. He did this because all the Black kids made fun of him because he "talked white". He had a "white name". Because his clothes fit right on him. He was super skinny but had a huge head and a "bubble butt". Because he played baseball and not football or basketball. He was always scared to talk to the Black kids because of how he talked. Also, he had a stutter so that made the jokes that much more harsher.

So. He did what he thought was right to fit in the "white crowd". This little boy, with a mini afro, pretended he had bangs because all his white friends had them. Of course, they didn't cover his eyes but he saw how the girls would SWOON when one of his white buddies would move their head and the bangs would swoosh to one side. All day when girls would walk by he would move his head to the side to pretend his bangs got in his way. And sure. He got attention alright. Girls would giggle and the boys would come up to him so they could see him doing it. They would laugh and giggle with delight. He had done it! He had fit in with the crowd! Not knowing he was making an ass out of himself.

As each day passed, more and more people would come up to him to see him do it. Hell, even the black kids would come up to see him do it! He didn't mind! He had friends now! What a good time to be alive! Who knew it would be this easy to get friends? Even if they called him Tom; it was okay if they didn't know his real name. He was so desperate for attention that he was blind to the fact that people were mocking and laughing at him.

Then one day, a teacher came up to him and pulled him aside. This teacher was a Black teacher. With a deep concern in his eyes, he kneeled down and said something to him that would change his life forever. "They are not laughing with you. They are laughing AT you. You need to try to be a leader and not a follower."

The teacher never did tell him why they were laughing at him but he knew. Once he stopped doing the hair flip gimmick, he knew that they really were not their friends. He was a clown, a court jester. Only to amuse the crowd. And also, he finally figured out why the Black students were calling him "Tom".

He never forgot the words that teacher told him that day. This teacher didn’t have to say many words to make him know exactly what he meant. The teacher saw the struggle this 12 year old Black kid was going through. He saw it. He saw his own race make him feel small. He saw the white kids secretly make fun of him because of his race. But one thing the teacher saw was a light bulb go off on a young child’s mind.

To this day, even as an adult, he still gets embarrassed by that small part of time in his life. However, sometimes an embarrassing moment can make someone's life better. To this day, this kid tells his kids the story on how their Dad tried to fit in. Let's hope this helps them with life.