I’ve found the lost me.

Having an unpleasant experience in the world of friends from elementary to high school makes me very pessimistic in terms of being remembered. I even often feel surprised if someone remembers my face only a few times I met them, because before I felt that no one thought I was around them.

Several years ago, I was very happy. I just realized that all this time I have family and friends who are really good and care about me. Where have I been all this time? I guess I was too busy showing people that I existed. But my way is wrong, I try to be them, not by being myself.

After deciding to close my Instagram account for almost a year, I have found myself missing. I went back to reading Sherlock Holmes, LOOKISM, I even got to know Naruto, One Piece, Hunter x Hunter, etc., I deepened my insight into the world of music, studied song lyrics, I even have a strange habit now, listening to all Osts after watching a movie or series. I even like to make playlists to remember those moments that I feel need to be captured. It’s like I’m trying to film my own life HAHAHA because for me now when I hear a song it’s no longer just about the song, but how that song can accompany every event that I go through, with whom, and where that moment was created. Now I even dared to decide to write on Medium.

I no longer care about how to be considered there by them. I also don’t need to be them, because my own world has accepted me. I’ve found the lost me, which I have long abandoned and left dusty, who’s lost and crying hide to be found.

Now I even have the courage to show the things I like. I re-created an Instagram account, but only people I trust that I follow. They even often share posts related to me. Whenever there is news about my fictional characters, they share it with me. At first, I really couldn’t believe it, but now we all even share stories and share ideas. Even when we’re eating out, they have memorized that I eat meatballs and never use sauce and soy sauce. When they go to a bookstore and see the books I want to buy, they take pictures of them and send them to me. They even know that I don’t like being given gifts if they don’t match what I need, because they know I’m learning to be a minimalist. They often give me film recommendations to discuss together and send memes so we can laugh together and brighten up the day.

In the past, I didn’t even dare to tell stories and express opinions, because they never heard every voice that came out of my mouth. Now I have found people who often even ask my opinion and invite me to discuss. Always involving my voice for the problems they are having, and the pleasures they are living. They even often ask me to give words of motivation when they are tired at work HAHAHA (I’m not a motivator hey).

If they remember the little things about me, I feel honored, respected, and essential. Because it means a lot to me. And because that is a sign that I found myself lost, and make her happy in her own life.

People always say “You don’t need to be someone else to be accepted by them, but you have to be who you really are” this is really TRUE.