I Need A Sugar Daddy

I'm a 27 year old woman with a car from 2000 with no AC and clothes from two years ago and no money for decent makeup and a savings account that yo-yo's more than my weight.

I just want a little break, okay?

I'm still an independent feminist, but there's a small part of me that also wants to start a page with Only Friends to add a tiny bit more into my bank account. I'm like one bad paycheck away from selling pictures of my feet to strangers online.

I'm not a shopaholic, I don't spend money on a lot of things that aren't a neccessity. I was raised to budget and buy only what I need, and to go to the movies if I needed entertainment.

But come on, I want to shop with someone else's money just one time, I want someone to hand me a credit and tell me to buy a dress because their taking me to the Opera.

Hell, I'd settle for a guy buying me dinner at this point. Just ONCE.

Look, I'm a realist, I know that the chances of me finding a Sugar Daddy are slim, let alone one that I would be mildly attracted to. My life is the furthest thing from a romance or smutty romance book, even the free ones on the Kindle app that we all pretend to not read. Or maybe you admit freely to reading or writing those free sexy romance novels, live your life no judgement from this writer.

I digress, I'm an exhausted millennial who just wants one tiny little itty bitty break in life. I get shafted by bills and my lemon of a car and my savings account has shrank in the past year. By more than I will admit out loud, or even in writing. It haunts me. THe scariest thing this month is how much my doctor charged me for a check up where nothing was wrong with me but she charged me like something was.

The money grubbing wh*re.

She's a bad doctor, she gave me a punch biopsy and didn't stitch me up and charged me $800 for it.

I live in America where any and every medical practitioner is basically a business. My sister went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled for free, but they then tried to talk her into a lengthy root canal and other procedure that would have cost up to $2,300. She lost one of her back molars and just doesn't chew on her left side.

So, I'm at work, daydreaming about using someone else's credit to go grocery shopping for a week.

Fantasizing about someone else putting their credit card into GrubHub to deliver dinner.

I am living for the imagine scenario where I'm hit by a limo and when I wake up that night, I discover that the millionaire inside the limo has paid for all of my medical bills and is also ruggedly handsome and owns his own corporation but lives in the mountains in a luxurious and large cabin where he chops wood and carves statues out of wood. He invites me to his mansion for a week as a bonus apology and we get snowed in. We spend a romantic weekend together and we begin our 2 year courtship. Then he whisks me away to London where he then proposes at the top of the Eye of London and then we get married at the Tower of London where the ROyal Family comes by for cake because he's also been knighted for his commitment to fight global warming. Also Greta Thunberg is there and we mock Republicans together.

...

It's my fantasy and I will do what I want in it.

As much as I want to be my own Sugar Daddy, the fact remains that I am a woman in a world that is still dominated by men. Even this past year where female online business owners has grown exponentially, the social media platforms that got those powerful women to rise and make their side hustle their main hustle, those platforms have altered their algorithms so creators now don't get the same exposure that they got 14 months ago.

SIGH

So, please, let me pray to my ancestors to send me a ruggedly handsome Sugar Daddy to bring iphones to us all.

Also bless that girl that made that TikTok with that song put to Mulan music because its amazing and hilarious I'm so sorry I can't find your account.