Goodbyes always hurts

When we met

It was November 25 2018, when I was 18 years old and trying to have some flirting with girls on dating apps. Flirt and temporary enjoyment was all i think about. There's no name of love in my dictionary.

Then I saw a girl named Lili and I had no idea that this girl is going to change me forever. I still remember my tactics to start flirting with unknown girls, it goes like "hey just texted you to tell that you're very pretty". I did the same with her too. A day after, she accepted my request and said "Thanks".

We started talking. On the first day I got to know that she's 15 years old but her calm behavior beats the seriousness of elders who experienced life.

After few days, I showed my true colors. I proposed her and she rejected. But there's one thing which is good about me, I don't give up easily when it comes to flirting with girls. Hehe, its not good by the way.

After few days, she asked me "are you still single?". I said "yes". Well its not true because I had almost 10 other online girlfriends whom I told "I only love you". She accepted my proposal and now my life changing story began.

From flirt to little spark of love

After talking to her for 1 month, in January, I had serious health issue due to which I didn't flirted with any of the girls(including Lili) for more than a week. After I came back to my senses(but still weak) the first thing I did was to flirt with my girlfriends. Now you see how motivated I was when it comes to flirting. But something had changed. I saw all the girls blocked me except one girl and that was Lili. when I texted her, she was very upset and she said "I was about to leave you". I don't know why, because I never had serious feelings for her, but I felt bad that I was playing with her emotions.

I promised her that I will not do this again. Well this is the first promise which I took seriously. I asked her "Lili, never say goodbye to me", she said, yes I won't because "Goodbyes always hurts". Remember these lines, it will come later.

From little spark to fire of love

After that incident, I started showing interest in her and gave her a lot of nicknames like 'baby', 'love', 'darling', 'sweetheart', 'little panda', 'princess', and many more. 'Love' and 'Baby' are my favorite. I stopped talking to other girls, all I focus on was just Lili.

But bad habits don't leave you so easily. I met a French girl on the same dating app where I met Lili and I started flirting with her. She was beautiful and she also fell in love with me, and the worst part is, I accepted her.

The moment I accepted her, I realized the sin I committed and it will haunt me till my last breath.

To make things better I told Lili about that girl and the line which she said, it broke my heart into million pieces, she said "I don't know what to say". When I saw that, I felt her pain and I had tears in my eyes. It was the first time when i cried for a girl. From that very moment I apologized and promised her that give me one more chance and you'll be proud on me. She forgave me and I promised myself that from now onwards Lili's happiness is my topmost priority. We even promised to meet to each other in 2024, we don't know how, but we still planned. After that incident, Lili became "Love' and "Baby".

Love : 1 , Dreams : 0

There's a dialogue in Spiderman movie, "with great power, comes great responsibilities" and it suits here perfectly. Her happiness became so important to me that I even sacrificed my childhood dream of serving my country. I sacrificed my dream because it was coming in between me and Lili, it wasn't letting me to meet my love in future, so I changed it.

All I dream is to meet her and hug her tight, kiss her forehead and tell her how colorful she made my life. I stopped partying with my friends because then, I couldn't talk to my Love. I stopped playing volleyball(which I love) because it was stopping me to talk to my Baby.

But sometimes, sacrifices come with a lot of pain and tears. In Slovakia, she met a guy, with whom she started doing thigs which she should do with me, but she can't because I was in India. She told me about him. It made me cry for whole night, but I remembered that she also forgave me earlier. So I forgave her and I felt that I should give her space, so I even allowed her to enjoy his company till we meet. But she also loved me and she left him just for me.

Things went so perfectly and everything went happily and peacefully. But in my culture, its said that "there's always peace before storm".

Painful ending

Yes, you read right, not every love story ends with "Happy Ending". After 30 months of relationship, Lili realized that love is not in her dictionary, she wanted to live alone and independent. You see the twist in the story? At start love was not not my thing but in the end, she lost love.

When she said "we need to breakup", it felt like someone took away my soul from my body. Someone said right, "If someone, for whom you sacrificed everything is gone, you lose yourself". That pain can't be described in words.

But as I told you, I was ready to sacrifice everything for "My Love", and this time she's demanding the most precious thing I have. I accepted her breakup with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. as you can see, my dream of hugging her, kissing her forehead and tell her how important she was, never became reality.

I'm not afraid or ashamed of admitting the fact that I will never be over her. You know why?

Because "GOODBYES ALWAYS HURTS".

I Love You More Baby.