Friday Night

"Well done, you indeed did your homework. Now I will ask you a couple of questions from previous material. Okay, let's see, when was the First Crusade, what caused it, and what happened during it?"

"The First Crusade was a war where European Christians went to the Middle East to try to take Jerusalem. It started because they wanted to get the holy city back, the Byzantine Emperor asked for help, and the Pope told people to join together." I answered, but tried to hide the fact that I did not fully remember the dates.

"Okay, when was it?"

Oh no. Okay, think, think. My mind is now a battle of different dates. Let's think chronologically : I remember that it was the 11th century…

"Come on, now, we do not have all day."

"Yes, yes, I will just need a couple of minutes to remember," I say to Ms. Miller, but now concentrating becomes even harder. From the corner of my eye I see Sebastian holding up his phone, shielded from the teacher's view by her desk. He has enlarged the text and is showing me the answer, so I play along. After reading it, I look out the window, then back to Ms. Miller and answer.

"1096–1099?" I try not to look like a person who was just handed the correct answer, there should be uncertainty in my voice after thinking for four minutes.

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Telling you?" Even though I am sure of my answer, I honestly get nervous. Ms. Miller has that effect on me. She is young and somehow harder to lie to , I feel like she just sees through us. But even though she is demanding and expects us to always be ready, she is kind, and even though it's hard to notice under her strict façade, I think she likes our class.

"Okay. A. Go back to your desk."

I sigh with relief and go back to my place. An A. I got an A in history and mind you, that is the subject that terrifies me all week. But now I got an A and I am free for the next couple of weeks. Since there are 25 kids in our class, it will take some time before it is my turn again. Even though that is true for almost all subjects, when it comes to Ms. Miller, you never know. Even when you are relaxed because it is not your turn , with our history teacher? Yeah, never relax too much.

The bell rings and we pack our books. Ms. Miller leaves the class and I fly over to Sebastian.

"Thank you so much. When she looked at me and arched her eyebrow, I forgot everything."

"Yeah, I saw," says Sebastian, laughing.

I am grateful to have friends like him. We have been in this class for two years and I feel like I have known these guys my whole life. The time we spend walking home, laughing and joking the whole way, is the highlight of my day. But today? It's even better, because it is a Friday night, and Friday nights are always special. With the demanding school we go to, I have little to no free time. The only time I get to do things I love is Friday after school. And it feels even better when I've actually attended school , however weird it sounds, two weeks ago when I had the flu and skipped, Friday night did not feel the same. After school it feels deserved, and now? After getting an A in history? It is the best day ever.

I got home, put some comfy clothes on, and put on my favourite show. After eating, I went to my drawer of hobbies. So what do I want to do today? I thought for a long time, torn between crocheting and drawing, and decided to go with air-dried clay. I spent the whole evening making a marshmallow trying to get warm near a fireplace, it is very cute. I just need to wait for it to dry and then color the fire and the little over-toasted bottom of the marshmallow. It is so cute. But sadly it is already midnight. Why does time go so fast whenever I am doing something I love? I wish time went that fast during lessons , when I keep checking the clock and getting shocked by how little time has passed since the last check. I did not want this night to end, but if I do not get to bed right now it will be hard to get through all the homework tomorrow. Bye. 17/10/2014

I finish reading my old diary and a smile spreads across my face. Good times. It is also a Friday night. I do not get as excited as I did when I was a kid , the sad part is that I gave up on the hobbies I loved. Life just took that away. But lately, highly focused me feels more lost than ever. I pick up my phone and type a message.

"Hey boss, remember this?" I attach a photo of the diary entry.

"OMG, what is this?? And stop calling me that."

"Whyyy? But you are my boss."

"Okay, employee, what is that?"

"My diary, from 2014. Apparently that day it was my turn to suffer with Ms. Miller, but then you came to my rescue with answers on your brand new HTC."

"OMG! My old HTC. I'm pretty sure Ms. Miller knew about my creative way of helping."

"100%. Don't you remember? At some point she moved you to the back seats."

"Miss the times when that was our biggest problem."

"Someone had a hard day?"

"Try a hard week."

"Do you want to call the others and grab a beer?"

"Only if you make the calls , I have another three meetings today."

"So maybe something stronger than beer?"

":)"

And just like that I end up in a bar with my school friends, telling the same stories for the hundredth time, with one thought eating me alive: how is it that I am in my twenties and the best times I can remember are ones where I waited all week just to do the things I love and now? Now I wait eleven months for one month of holiday, and by the time I get there I have no will or energy left to even think about hobbies. I feel old, and at the same time I am Rachel in season one of Friends. Maybe I just need to be brave. Maybe I cut my wings too early.

I look at my friends and know that from the outside I have achieved everything I wanted they might think I am in a good place. But Sebastian looks at me and I know for a fact he knows what I am thinking, just as I know what he is thinking. Neither of us says a word, because what is the point of going over one shared problem again and again? Maybe he is right and life will show me other paths. But what if it does not? That is the thing about me , I do not like giving up. What if there is no path for me? What if I should create one?

"Heeey, earth to you," says Mary.

"Yes, yes, what are we drinking to?"

"To being young and lost and having no clue what comes next. I guess that's the beauty of youth," says Michael, and I can't help but smile.

"Cheers."

Look at us. Lost high achievers. I love it.