For all things beautiful ✨

"What's your most recent core memory?" I asked beside her, genuinely curious.

She looked at me for a second, then smiled my favorite smile. One that I hadn't seen for a long time.

"It's a boring one, Mark. You don't want to hear it," then she looked at the orange-and-red sky, as if remembering beautiful things.

"Try me," I dared.

She was silent for a long time. And then, in almost a whisper, she answered, "it's that morning when I realized that I haven't been crying anymore, so I cried."

Waiting for her to continue, I just stared at the sky, simply because it felt like the right thing to do. She always finds it easier to open up when I'm not looking.

"You see, for a long, long time, I always woke up in the middle of the night, asking questions in an empty room. I always got afraid that I'm getting left behind," she confided. "I don't tell anyone else simply because I know we all go through that, but Mark, I was really drowning. Everywhere I go, every path I take, I can't get far enough before something pulls me back to my reality. I can't take off. All the dreams I had inside my heart, I watched wither one by one. I watched myself let them go. And you know what hurts the most about that?"

I didn't know what to say, so instead, I just shook my head. I just kept my gaze at the setting sun which somehow was the second most beautiful thing that afternoon.

"What really tore me apart," she continued, voice a little sad. "Is that I know I didn't dream big. I only dreamed of simple things, beautiful but small ones. And even that I couldn't get. It was just so unfair."

Then she rested her head on my shoulder. Lightly, like a butterfly.

"I spent the last few years being so hard on myself. I spent days, weeks, and months comparing. I was restless. I just kept myself busy doing things I had to do, and then one day, you know what? I realized I stopped crying."

The words made me smile.

"I don't know when it really started, but I'll never forget the day when I realized that. How I stopped comparing my life with that of my friends', how I stopped counting the dreams I had to let go. How somehow, things are starting to make sense little by little. It was so overwhelming. I no longer feel heavy when I wake up in the morning, and I started looking forward to beautiful things again. So I cried."

Then she lifted her head to look at me. Her black eyes met mine, and despite them being the color of the night, they were lit up with Joy. The sunset never stood a chance.

"So that's my most recent, boring core memory," then she smiled my favorite smile. "You can laugh about it."

"No, it's beautiful." I responded, looking back at the sky, searching for anything more beautiful than what I had just witnessed. I found none.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." I answered, meaning it with my heart.

❤️

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