Dear Sweet Beautiful Woman

Dear Sweet Beautiful Woman.

I grew up without a role model or an example of what a woman should be. How a woman should act. What a woman should expect of herself and others around. How to set boundaries and stick to them and most importantly how to love thy self. I had read about it but did not really understand what agape love meant. Through your trails and tribulations, your highs and lows and even your darkest moments you displayed this quality. It took a lot for me to pay attention but you never gave up on me. Through my stubbornness and hard headiness you maintained a love for me. You are the one person who stood by my side. You woke me up to realize I had been settling. Settling for just so, for mediocre and for whatever anybody handed me.

Then one night you decided that we would have girls night. Relaxing foot baths, wine, a good romance movie and even better food. You told me that night that it was okay to take care of yourself with out being selfish. You told me stories of everything you had faced. Told me how you rose from the struggles of long-term harassment that till this very day you still suffer from and the scars it left. Then you recounted with surprising detail and candor how you rose and overcame the struggles of being sexually assaulted not once but twice. How you had no one to turn to when it happened. How the girls you thought where friends added to the abuse by not believing you but believing the guy. How you sat in your room and tried to cry but no tears would come. Then you told me about how you had a miscarriage and had to deal with it by yourself. How you found out the guy who got you pregnant also got someone else pregnant right before you. By the end of the night we had finished the bottle of wine and the movie we started had went unwatched. You left me with one piece of advice that I will cherish beyond anything you told me. You reminded me that you are never alone. Just look out your window and glance up, look out the door and gaze into the sky. Walk along the beach and ponder. Whenever you feel at your lowest pray. Whenever you feel like giving up pray. When you finally succeed pray. Always keep GOD forever in front of you. When you had finished, you had inspire me to push forward. To grow beyond any problems that I may have faced or will face.

I went to bed that night and thought of all the things I had settled for such as a loveless relationship. How if you were in this situation what you would you have the strength to say or do? What would you except and what would make you leave. I finally let myself do the one thing I realized that I hadn't let myself do and that's grieve.

That night you gave me the strength to make myself a better person.

I want to let you know that it didn't start that night though. I watched you grow through your struggles. Watched you overcome different adversities. To succeed in spite of the challenges put in your path. For example When you lost your father you didn't shed any tears. You powered through the adversity and helped others coup. When you lost your grandfather and was disowned by your only grandmother you held your head high and marched forward. When you lost your soulmate, bestfriend and lover you allow yourself one tear and then press forward. You realized that it would mean nothing to anyone else that your heart had broken. It meant something to me though I was just to weak and afraid to say it. Despite all your failed relationships all your misgivings and all the negativity you where dealt within the last few years you have over came. You have stood tall and conquered the negative talk with kindness and now I understand why. You kept GOD in front of you. You relied heavily on GOD when you had no one and that is something I did not do.

I went for an interview and the gentleman who interviewed me made the statement that kindness and patience are not apart of the real world. I took a deep breath said a little pray to GOD and thought about how you would not back down. I straightened my spine sat taller and reiterated that Kindness and patience will always win and that I had a proven track record of this type of interaction.

I say this to say that you inspire everyone around you to be a better version of themselves. You motivate those who have succumb to depression to not give up. A lady told me today that you are a true friend and that you had done the same thing you had done for me.

I want to let you know that you are the strongest person I have ever known. You are the one I will look to when I feel weak. You will always be the ever present image that plays in my head when I need strength. I will put GOD first but I will always listen to you as well.

Thank you younger Self for inspiring me to better everyday. To only compete with you to improve us.

Sincerely, Future you