Dear Mother, You're a bad parent!

Dear Mother,

Today is mother's day and instead of giving you a beautiful card with meaningful words I turned it into a bad parent card. This was 3 years ago and we have never spoken about this card. I was very angry for being emotionally manipulated into buying a house and living with you and the rest of the family until I turned 40. And the only reason that situation changed is because I married a very caring and supportive husband. You know they guy you said looked like bad news. At a younger age I craved your approval and understanding but you've never given me your approval on judged my choices at every turn. By emotionally manipulating me you held me back and kept me from becoming a healthy adult in the time span I was supposed to. Instead I'm now 40 and living on my own for the very first time. You actively held me back because you didn't believe I could handle my responsibilities yet I was expected to be responsible for all of you at the house and the finances. While I made myself very responsible at the age of 15 I still have no idea how to run a household because you always took the wheel. You did me a great disservice by holding me back. And yes you did get to be close to your grandchildren but they weren't your only ones and I wasn't your only child. Why did you make me buy this awful house and stay with you for so long. Did you really need my money or did you truly believe I couldn't or wouldn't take care of my son? I do hope your motivation was money because the other is hypocrisy. You can't tell me I'm not allowed to move out with my child or you won't help me when you did it for both my brother and sister and simultaneously made me responsible for your finances through my career. Why were they treated better in this way? I know you don't always agree with me or like my life choices but lately you've been keeping your opinion to yourself and I like it that way. You've helped us when we needed it and continue to do so but you were pretty angry when we asked you to move out after waiting for 2 straight years and hearing, the apartment is almost done. I respect you just because you are my mother so I've chosen to not be "that B" according to my daughter and forgive you. I will never forget but there is no reason for me to hold on to the anger and sulk. At some point in the time of those last few years I no longer craved your approval for my choices and stopped taking your actions personal. I even enjoy our frequent shopping trips and visits now that we aren't stuck in this pickle. While I may never know your motivation for the way you manipulated me I do know that you love me unconditionally and that is something you don't' throw away. I may not always agree with you or even like you on days but I will always love and respect you and make a big deal about how hard you work and all that you sacrificed for my family. Maybe you weren't a bad parent and just didn't know how to be with me due to how difficult I could be or demanding. You too were young when you had me. I do know you should never be jealous of the relationship I have with dad. I can't help that we connect like we do and enjoy each others company. He's your husband and my father, he should be free to be both instead of worrying about you and your jealous actions. You can deny it all you want but I know you are jealous of me and it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm your daughter too. That concludes the big confession of my feelings for you. Turns out I love and respect you and don't' want us to be at odds so forgave you for everything you ever did to me. I want my mom to be in my life like she is now. I look forward to our shopping trip this Friday.

Love your #1 Daughter, first born and oldest child ,Tina