Dear "Mother"

Dear "Mother",

I would call you a mother, but you weren't there. Instead you dropped me off on a door step hoping and praying that someone else would take care of me instead.

Well they did take care of me, but that doesn't mean that they gave me the "motherly" affection that a little girl deserved. I was mostly deserted, neglected. More ways than one. I never had the chance to travel with you or do the fun things that are depicted in the recent photos you had shared of me.

I have siblings, but they really don't care about me in a sense that they are "too busy" with their lives, even for a short phone call. The oldest one I do believe doesn't want anything to do with us specifically because of you.

No, I am not writing this letter out of anger. But a true confession that I cannot say out loud.

All the excuses that I have heard as to why you left me there with strangers really messes with me. I still haven't gotten my answers to the questions I still have.

Like: Why didn't you come visit? I lived there all my life and Why haven't you called or even wrote to me? Nothing changed since you dropped me off.

You still get angry because you think that they have "stolen" me when really you gave me up. I seen all the paper work, I seen the documents.

You were not meant to be a mother. No.

You truly resented me. You have fond memories with my other siblings but not with me. I guess the feeling is mutual.

I guess what I am trying to say, is thank you for giving me to a family that actually cared for me in a sense that you never could, you never wanted to.

I had a grandmother who I would spend time with, a father who would take me places, a sister and a brother who would pick on me or laugh with me, and of course a real mom who would spend her last waking moments with me even though she was being eaten alive by Cancer. That woman had cared for me until the day she had passed.

My only confession is that I am upset that I ever have met you, you are mean and judge mental to the point where you only care about yourself, yet you expect any other person to do everything else for you.

You don't do anything for yourself. I am not entirely you are what you call a "mother" but just someone who gave birth, this may be harsh for some people to read, but I know that I am not alone in this world. I do appreciate what you did for me and that was keeping me away from you when I was younger.

The real letter should be going to the real mother who treated me great, the one who let me steal sips of her cold coffee, the one who let me read with her while she was on bed rest. The mom who's laugh is still imprinted in my memory.

No, not the one who left me there, to basically survive on her own, since day one of her life. I wasn't stolen. I was merely unloved, by you.

I choose to be the best mother I can be to my own daughter because I don't want her going through the same thing I had went through my whole life. I resent you in many ways possible, and you have lost that title as soon as you left me there.

M