Day 1.

I quit my job.

I took off two days later.

***

I came back a different person... A, NEW ME. Ready to fight for what I wanted. I quit my job 1 year ago August 6th, 2020. I quit my job to pursue my dreams of being a writer. I’ve always wrote. My first poem was published in grade 6 in the Friends Forever book. I was ecstatic to find out I made the book. One happy little 11 year old!?

Love. I don’t remember much... I do remember... “Before you can enter you need the magic key.”

“Love is dream. Like no other. Love is something shared by a child or a mother.” - Grade 6 me. :)

In grade 8 I wrote a Halloween poem and recorded it on a tape player with spooky noises in the background as I read it... my grade 8 teacher was delighted. 🤗

I wrote in journals my entire life, searching for an escape. I’ve always dreamed of writing a book.

I quit my job to purse my dream. August 6th, 2020.

I joined a writing site. I enjoyed the challenges as I found they opened my mind to new thoughts and new visions. My mind expanded. My mind was starting to believe. I stopped worrying so much what people thought of me and my writing. My dream. My life. My dream. Plus, with monitory prizes, that was good motivation for me as I am recovering from a gambling problem. Money could help. But money’s not everything. Writing is my passion. 🙏

For a long time I struggled with depression, anxiety, addictions. I never new I had a passion. I was passionless, for a long time; especially after being diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder, OCD, Anxiety, etc.

I quit gambling a little over 5 months ago. I gambled every day for 8 years. Give or take a day or two here and there. Cost money to gamble.

I quit drinking 2 years ago October 4th, 2019.

I quit my job to pursue my dreams.

I quit my job to pursue my dreams, August 6th, 2020.

I still struggle with some addictions...

...

The REAL ME... I’m still trying to figure that out...

I’m a wolf in the night. Hold me tight, yea that’s right. Fuck me baby, drive me crazy, yea I’m lazy. It’s okay.

I got a sick mind. I laugh at all of your lines. Snifff. At every sign. Snifff. At every rhyme. Snifff.

I hate everything that you say.

Are you sure you’re okay?

Every put down,

Everyday.

Every word that you say.

Arhoooo.

Day 1.

Can’t bring me down. You fucking clown. God I hate you. I overrated you. Wish I never dated you... what I would say to you. Snifff ahhh hit me again. Give me a lend. Wish you were my friend. Ahhh Drag me down again. I love that sound of your voice taughting me. But guess what??? Now I can see. The lines are inside of me. In my veins, in my blood. I thought it was love. To have and to hold. Now we’re both getting old.

And I know ur hoping,

that I’m just bluffing,

but I’m not suffering anymore.

***Let me take you on a tour of my brain...Time to play my game.

Day 17.

I was your pawn and you were my King. What happened to my ring? Flapping with one wing. Trying to rap. Trying to sing. Trying to tap that young thing. As the bills pile up. Life’s about to get tough. About to get rough. No one by my side. Alone on this ride. On my own path. I ain’t no rat. Do the math. I’m a wolf.

Arhoooo.

Day 45.

Shooting hoops in the yard with dad. Best friend I ever had and I have. I see him aging ‘n’ I’m praying for every day I get to say, hey, dad, I love you. God’s above you. So grateful for today. In God I pray, I pray for today. I pray each day. In God we lay. From ashes to ashes. This isn’t lust this is love this is trust. This is us. In God I trust.

Day 90.

I fight this battle, Like a lottery raffle, get back on the settle and ride. You gonna show me a good time? Get hard on a dime. Yea, that’s right.

Outta sight, outta mind.

What was my crime? What was my sin? ...To wind up with him. Is my life worth the fight? You’re dam right! Yea I’m tight. Yea, I like. Yea, I like. And I howl at the moon and I growl at the night as I sit on the edge, alone in the light.

Day 125.

Arhoooo. This ain’t your fight. Sorry, this ain’t your night. And I’m all set. Sorry, I thought that you left. I castled my King, my knights in the ring, look your pawn in the face, just for a taste, put me back in my case; Some things I can’t face. The moons going down. Down, down in the ground. In the dirt where we lay. Kneel down and pray. Until we rise again. You can call me a friend, till the end. Don’t press send. Don’t be late. Done hate. Don’t be fake.

Arhoooo.

Day 126.

I can delete all the pictures. But I can’t delete my dreams; Bursting at every seem, every thought, every prick. Every boyy, every dick, ding, dong the witch is dead.

You like me giving you head?

Like me in bed?

That’s what you said.

I like. I like.

Oh no, my face is red. Left me for dead.

Blue purple steaming mad. You know that I’m bad. Yea, so what I’m sad. Not. I’m glad. Couldn’t be happier. Couldn’t be sappier. Sadness is my friend. My friend to the end. Sink or swim. Do or die. At least I can say that I tried. Mother fucker. Go fuck yourself.

Check.

Arhoooo.

Day 129.

God I love cocain like where the fuck just was I. I’m Coming back. It’s like every slip. I don’t want to come back. Glad to be back. Ahhh my head hurts. My body hurts. I ate half, two thirds of a carrot cake today. I’m tired. I’m getting tired. Hope I can sleep. Why’d I drink that energy drink. No more drugs Kerri. No more drugs. Hiss hiss. Tiss tiss.

Arhoooo.

I quit my job to pursue my dreams.

I quit my job to pursue my dreams, August 6th, 2020.

Checkmate.