Confessions logo

Dating in the 2020's

What I've learned from my Sex and the City Year

By Susan Eileen Published 8 months ago Updated 8 months ago 6 min read
Dating in the 2020's
Photo by Sean Stratton on Unsplash

Dating. The pasttime that we love to hate. It is stressful, confusing, and expensive. I'm not even sure why we do it. I'm currently single and not looking and I've never been happier in my life. Take that into consideration when reading this.

Take also into consideration, that if you need to evaluate 20 tips on dating, the dating scene must be a five alarm fire. Well, it is. Date if you must, but to avoid another toxic relationship or boring dates at the local bar, follow these 20 tips.

1. Are you a love at first sight person, or do you grow in love? Ideally you have both, but that is based on your attachment style. There are four attachment styles - anxious and avoidant are the two most common.

2. Know your own red flags - two of my own red flags were that I could broke on 20 million a year, and I was uncomfortable showing affection. I worked on both of those before entering a relationship.

3. Recognize his red flags - everyone has red flags but the biggest red flag to look for is how to they treat themself. How do they talk to themself negatively or do they have a victim complex? How do they treat their body? Do they poison their body with drugs?

4. Know the green flags - is their presence calming? Do they respect your opinion? Do you laugh around them? They listen without judgement. They honor your needs and boundaries. They make an effort. They make you feel valued. Green flags like is something a girl can work with.

5. Have something to offer - I have a girlfriend that complains men only use her for sex. However, she doesn't cook, watch TV or read. I do date nights where I cook dinner, or watch a movie at home. I'm an avid reader which makes me a good conversationalist. What do you have to offer? Do you need to up your game?

6. Go beyond the dinner date - the dinner date is really played out. I live in Cleveland, Ohio and their is an expansive park system, a musuem for every interest and the theatre district. I leveled up on the kind of guy I was dating by taking them to musuems and Broadway Shows.

7. Understand that feeling may not be reciprocated - Unfortunately, during my Sex and the City year, the guy that I liked the most, did not feel the same way about me. He just didn't want to proceed with the relationship. I didn't take this personally, but it did really hurt my feelings. The Universe can be kind of a dick sometimes.

8. Go dutch in the beginning - Remember the old joke, "I bought you pizza, you knew I wanted to (bleep) you!" This is exactly why I don't let guys buy me dinner. I want no obligations in that matter.

9. No reason to rush anything! Date through all four seasons - The best advice I ever got before entering a relationship was to date the person through all four seasons before committing to anything. Your life partner affects your mental state, sleep schedule and earning potential. Your emotional committment is valuable. Take your time before giving that away.

10. Don't take anything personally - this is a good rule of thumb for life. Whether it is your boss, your friend, or the guy you're dating, don't take anything personally. They might be having a bad day, and you just get hurt by friendly fire. Keep your cool. Not everything is about you.

11. Maintain your identity - This might be one of the most important rules. If you date a guy who is into football, and then all of a sudden you're into football, that might be codependency. Avoid that unhealthy attachment at all costs.

12. Make a list of deal breakers - everyone has a mental description of the person of their dreams whether you realize it or not. I realized that I was looking for a guy that was exactly like my favorite family's member second husband. I want a love like that, so apparently, I was looking for a guy like that.

13. Communication is key - be sure that you have the uncomfortable conversations early and often. Do not change your authentic voice to keep the peace. This is another good rule for life in any type of relationship.

14. Do you make a good team? This is more of a long-range compatibility match evaluation. Doing things as a team increases how positively you look at the relationship. If you're taking the relationship to the next level, maybe join a bowling team or get on the golf course together.

15. Know your love languages and how to identify his - Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts are the five love languages. A long-term relationship will not last without speaking each other's love languages.

16. Don't discuss body counts - This is self-evident. Just don't do it.

17. Set the tone early - I went on a first date where the guy spent $150 on a fancy steak restaurant. I personally don't want to do that if it's going to put a crimp in your budget. If that won't be part of your relationship long-term, don't do it in the short-term. Consistency is key to any healthy relationship.

18. Know that men and women are inherently different - Men are very simple creatures. They need food, sex, and an emotional connection to fall in love and that is it. Men are like hammers. They haven't changed in 5,000 years and they really don't need to. Women are like cell phones. Constantly changing, and every wire is connected to every other wire. Plus, you never know what is going to happen when you turn them on.

19. Beware of transient happiness - be happy with yourself first. Don't tell yourself, you'll be happy when you fall in love. If you're not happy with yourself, I doubt another partner can make you totally happy.

20. Problems - When problems do arise, how are they handled? Do fights snowball? Do you have the same argument every time you see them? Are they problem of the day type problems, recurring problems, or giant red flag problems?

A if you find a guy that you could spend the rest of your life with, and doesn't have red flags and likes plays on Broadway, well congratulations. You found a unicorn while dating! In all seriousness, just have some fun with dating. Expand your horizons while dating. And above all, eat the damn cake.


About the Creator

Susan Eileen

I am an aspiring writer currently writing a book on the Sober Revolution we are in the midst of, a book about essays that will change the way you think, and a novel about a serial killer. I am also working on a book of poetry.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2023 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.