Dating A Married Man Didn't Bring Me Happiness

When I realized that I was becoming heavily entrenched in a relationship with a married man, I created certain ideas in my head about how being with a married person could be and how it could actually be a positive choice.

This may sound insane to a person who hasn’t experienced this kind of situation, however, the mind is indeed an incredibly powerful thing.

Convincing yourself that an obviously unhealthy situation can be good for you isn’t that hard when that’s the reality you want to create for yourself as well as wanting to be able to live free of guilt.

My perception of what being a mistress could be like was skewed in favor of continuing the affair — not stopping it.

Of course, I didn’t want to stop the affair at the time. I thought I was in love.

I told myself that seeing a married man would be SO much easier than dating a single man.

There would be no worry about commitment. He was already married, so he wouldn’t be bothering me about anything long-term or even stressing me about having kids, right?

I would still be able to have my freedom while also having a companion on the side. I wouldn’t have to deal with all the boyfriend stuff or even have to meet the family. I could still have my own life without all the strings of a ‘normal’ relationship.

I could not have been more stunned when I realized exactly how wrong I was — how seriously I had miscalculated the way this relationship would actually go and how it would end up destroying years of my life.

My married companion not only expected my exclusivity but he was so possessively jealous that even when he was not with me he tried desperately to control me from afar — even when he was with his wife and family.

I found myself not only in the midst of an increasingly problematic and abusive relationship but also having none of the ‘freedom’ I thought I might be able to have seeing a married man.

This was a prime example and an enduring lesson that, in infidelity, there are no winners. There are no loopholes. There isn’t a ‘bright side’ to any of it — as much as we may try to convince ourselves otherwise.

There are no real benefits to having an affair with a married person. My ignorance only enhanced an already horrendous situation.

Falling under the spell of intoxicating chemistry and using that as a reason to make up justifications to engage with a married person simply wasn’t worth it, in the end.

The only benefit I ended up obtaining from my affair with a married man was the deeply profound lessons I learned along the way.

These are lessons that I remember every day.

More: I Went To Church To Find A Good Man— But I Discovered Something Else Instead