Are you sure I'm in my 30s?
For those of you who, like me, may be over 30, but feel like we're still navigating through our early 20s.
When we were younger, we would scoff at the sight of a '30' year old and the thought of being SO OLD. I remember a lot of my teachers and coaches seemed so incredibly aged to me as a teen. Their phase of life was so far away from mine, I couldn't even picture it in the horizon. They lived the types of lives I imagined akin to the Golden Girls. I didn't understand then just how little age difference there actually was between my fresh 15 year old self and a saggy, wrinkly 30 year old...
But now that I'm at the ripe old age of 33...I think back on those memories and realize just how ridiculously wrong I was. I also think back and remember just how full of hope and potential my young self once was. And I wonder how in the hell I went from joy riding around town with my friends without a care in the world just yesterday to being in charge of tiny humans and responsible for a whole adult life today. Who is letting me do this? Who put me in charge?? How does that life feel so far away, yet so close at the same time?
I still sometimes wake up with what can only be described as adult imposter syndrome. So you're telling me I'm allowed to have children and raise them all by myself? Without supervision? I'm allowed to make these huge life decisions about money and careers that affect not only myself, but my entire family that I've also been allowed to create on my own? But I'm not qualified! I'm just a kid! -Oh, wait...no, I'm a real life adult. Holy shit, I'm a real adult.
But why do I still feel like that young girl who didn't have a care in the world? Why do I still feel like I'm young with my whole life ahead of me and things will be different 'when I'm older' or 'when I'm an adult?' And why do some of my friends also share in this odd feeling of inexplainable inner youth?
Obviously there are the daily reminders that I'm definitely not as young as I feel, like the aches and pains...monthly utility bills...mid-section weight-gain, but overall, I feel young and vibrant! I feel like I can climb mountains and stay up 'til 3 drinking slushies from the gas station (with or without added alcohol). I often find myself wondering why the light-switch in my head hasn't clicked to 'adult' yet.
Are we millennials just so far gone that our brains will try anything to hold on to our youth? What is wrong with us?
But, regardless of how we feel- it's safe to say we really are out here killin' it. Me and my 30 year old friends are kicking life's butt right now. And if we still feel like the young girls who go to Pub Wednesday every week and flirt with the dorky guys, then so be it! Who cares, right?! As long as we are taking care of ourselves and our babies and our jobs, who cares if we sometimes feel like we shouldn't be out here making these important decisions on our own. And if we need to call our moms for advice every once in a while, then so be it! I will call (let's be real...I'm texting...I'm not calling anybody) my mom 3 times a day if I have to!
Mature at your own pace. Enjoy life. Act 20 when you're 30- just be happy! And stop worrying about why you don't feel as 'old' as you actually are. 'Age' is all relative to how you feel :)
About the Creator
Ashleigh Riley
Mother of 2-Writer-Crafter-Dreamer-TV binger-Movie lover-Space nerd-dinosaur connoisseur
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More stories from Ashleigh Riley and writers in Confessions and other communities.
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