An open letter

I have always been quite vocal about my battles with mental health and never really focussed on my physical health issues, I suffer with a lot of what is known as invisible illnesses, by far the worst though is degenerative spinal disorder,gradually it has robbed me of the use of my legs the restrictions of my arms and now most recently issues with moving my head. Putting a brave face on everything is something I was conditioned to do as a child as were many of my generation.Over the years it has become harder and harder to do though. When you don't have much interactions with the outside world you start to see when you do venture out how sorry the world truly has become. Following a trip to my local supermarket on my mobility scooter I was nearly hit by a car and then sworn at by the driver for crossing the road in front of her, the fact that she had not indicated escaped her notice and even though I was up on two wheels it was hard to be angry when someone had rushed to my aid to help me,or so I thought, in actual fact the individual took the time to pick my pocket and steal my mobile phone....in the week since this has happened my disorder has progressed yet again due to the knock that I took, by far more worrying though is the fact that there is now no hope. Whenever I was out I never really pictured myself as vulnerable or cpmpletely disabled as I had some use of my arms,in fact I was a lot better off than a lot of other people in the world,I wore a smile on my face and tried my best to make light of everything. Now I can't, I've always had hope that at some point humanity would return to the human race and not be a legend of times gone past. We as a society have managed to achieve such a love of money and wealth that we pit ourselves against each other wanting what others have,more money,a nicer house,a bigger car or to feel superioir in some way no matter what or who gets in the way. Looing at the world now through changed eyes I despair for what my children will be left with when my life is done. There is very few acts of genuine kindness in the world unless it involves animals,but aren't we animls too? Just apparently better evolved than other species and yet they outstrip us at every turn on caring for their own.

I never thought of myself as victim,despite trauma after trauma in my life I faced everything head on with determination that I wouldn't be seen as weak or as vulnerable in my own mind. In one trip out to get a few items of groceries my whole perspective of my own life has been changed, I'm no longer confident about who I am and what I have to offer to the world in general,the idea that I was vulnerable or susceptible didn't figure in my vocabulary,now I can't see what I have to bring to the table, what use in society is there for someone like me. Society, thats a joke ......

Politicians bleed their constituents dry claiming it is in their own interests,corperations charge over the odds for basic ameneties whilst greasing the wheels of corruption and tax evasion, roads are disentegrating under the wheels of endless traffic of people caught in the mire of trying to stay afloat in todays economy. Yes I truly do despair ,for this world and for my children that I will leave in it