Alone

All my life I have felt like I never really fit in. I was an outcast in my own family. The 4th child aged spread apart from my other siblings.

I was told I was born unexpectedly and during financial instabilities. Among my friends when I was a kid it didn’t matter to me I had no cares, I got along with most because I didn’t think about my appearance until the age of 11 or 12. I became shy and antisocial. I believe the only number of friends I really had made was 2 or 3. I felt inadequate, not worthy and I had very low self esteem. I never had anyone to encourage me or cheer for me in my corner.

So I turned to what made me happy and that was music of all kinds of genres, it helped me express and helped me to just let go of my insecurities. But when reality hit and had me stuck I began to hangout with the wrong crowd and began to do things I shouldn’t have, I had become a follower.

I have done a lot of things that young girls shouldn’t have done but I won’t go into detail because I feel guilty about it. Let me just say I am lucky to be alive, healthy. I have a beautiful family and wonderful husband behind me. But even though I am married and have children. I can honestly say that I still feel as though I don’t fit in at times but you know what? Since I have grown and I am now 39 years of age I am aware of it, I do not react. I have become more humble than anything I certainly try to be. Having patience is a lot of work.

I used to care so much about what others thought of me. If it's my profession I try so hard to be as courteous and non judgemental as possible. I understand we all have our own life problems. I am no one to judge anyone’s life. So I try to put myself in their shoes even though I am so surprised by people’s actions. But we are given our own minds, our own way of thinking. Common sense is an unlikely thought sometimes for some. With all honesty in this day in age social interactions are becoming more known since we have our technology at our fingertips to where we don’t need to socialize with one another we can text talk to someone virtually without seeing them in person. Our technology is becoming more advanced and evolving fast. Next thing you know we won’t need social interaction. AI will become our non judgemental friend.

Check this show out: Black Mirror

Season 5 Episode 3

Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too

A lonely teen becomes obsessed with a robot doll based on her pop star idol, Ashley O -- just as Ashley's real life starts to unravel.

As you all know once Covid 19 hit we all began to be secluded from the rest of the world social media is our only way to get around think about it we had to stay in our homes kids were not in school they started school online which moves more towards technology a set up of social anxiety waiting to happen once everything started going back to somewhat normal majority of parents decided to have their kids stay at home, in my opinion kids need the social interaction as much as possible. Thinking about it, kind of makes you wonder who was behind all of this. Why do we have to be isolated? I understand for our safety because we did not know about this virus and it came about so rapidly. But what is the ultimate goal here? Seems suspect if you ask me but again this is based on my own opinions.