Accept Me Maybe?

When I was in my twenties, I dated a woman that liked to criticize how I looked, how I acted, the things that I liked to do, and who I surrounded myself with. It was weird. How could someone want to be with you when they didn’t seem to like anything about you? I didn’t really know how to take her judgement back then. I thought that she was right. I figured that I was still young and still had room to grow and she was trying to mold me into what I needed to be in order to have a longterm relationship. I mean, no one is perfect, and it does take two people to make a commitment work. So, after listening to her critiques, I did my best to accommodate her needs. I tried to be more open about where she went, even if it meant that she was going to her ex’s house. I tried to get along with her friends, even the ones that seemed to be addicted to substances that I had never heard of until then. I even tried to fit in with the personalities of the people that she surrounded herself with. It was very uncomfortable. I always felt like I was being judged, and when she lectured me, telling me that I was too standoffish, I felt back, because I didn’t want to make a bad impression on the people that were close to her. I went through about four years of this before I called it quits. I was tired of standing on eggshells. I was tired of not feeling like I could be myself, and I was tired of being criticized for who I was. I wanted to know who I was, and I wanted someone to like me for that. I was tired of people telling me who I needed to be or blatantly misinterpreting what my wants and needs were. I was ready to speak for myself and be who I was without having people who didn’t like that in my circle. So, after breaking up with her, I cleaned up my physical appearance. I wore the clothes that I wanted to. I got my hair done, and I basically cleaned up my outer appearance to what I wanted it to look like. I still wasn’t completely myself after this. I still didn’t know who I was or what I wanted, so I began making new friends and having new experiences. I went out and did things that I hadn’t in the past, like trying improv or driving halfway across the country to see all of the states that I hadn’t before. Then, when I met my soon to be wife, I started to let my guard down a little. She wasn’t like any of the other women that I had dated. She didn’t tell me how to dress or act or who to hang out with. She didn’t restrict my ability to do the activities that I wanted to do. She just let me be myself, and she loved who I was. This was new for me. I wasn’t used to being around a person that fully accepted me for who I was. I didn’t understand that concept as I had never experienced it. It was such a breath of fresh air. After meeting my wife, I was more confident in who I was and I learned more about my wants and needs, because she gave me the room to grow. She allowed me to explore whatever I needed to in order to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. She supported me on this journey, even when there were barriers, and after being around a person like her, I realized that there were people that I could be around without having to change a thing about mysel