Abigale From Hell

My children were both grown well before the most amazing Christmas bamboozlement of all time emerged. The Elf on the Shelf tradition has blown up massively over the last couple of years, and admittedly I’m a little bit jealous. I can only imagine all of the fun and excitement that both children and their parents are having with this surprising, little holiday puppet.

Last year I decided to create my own form of holiday amusement in a similar - yet much more adult, and horrifying version.

Nothing says “Christmas Magic” quiet like Grandma’s Haunted Doll coming to visit for the holidays.

Meet Abigale, she was given to me for Christmas about forty-years ago!

Abigale is from the time when Cabbage Patch Dolls were extremely popular, and well sought after. People were standing in lines and physical fights were breaking out in attempt of securing one of these treasures. My granny and papaw travelled for miles to acquire this little beauty. Even as a child I knew just exactly how lucky that I was to have her.

Abigale had been well taken care of, sitting on my bed until the day that I was married. It was only then that she moved to her new, and most safe home on a shelf.

When my boys arrived, I struggled to keep their little, curious hands off of my doll. Eventually, I wrapped her in plastic and put her away. For well over twenty years, she had been out of sight and out of mind. Neither of my sons remembered her, or had any recollection of her existence. To be honest, I too had nearly forgotten about my precious Abigale.

That was until I had the most fantastic, yet fiendish idea!

Sweet Abigale was given a grim, and malevolent make-over. I spent days preparing her for the exciting holiday adventures ahead.

No, Abigale did not dress up as a cute, magical elf. Instead, she appeared to have just crawled out of a dark and gloomy grave.

I even went to the extent of placing her in a box and mailing her to myself - just to add authenticity to my cruel and atrocious scheme. Attached to the new and improved doll was a note, scribbled in my best forgery.

I can no longer keep Abigale in my home, because she has somehow changed.

During the night I hear odd and spooky sounds, like little feet scurrying through the house. I sometimes even hear the evil laughter of a child coming from the room where she stays.

I asked a preacher to come bless the doll, but after that, things got even worse!

Abigale began moving around at night. I have been finding her in the strangest locations, never where I leave her.

This morning I woke up to find Abigale lying next to me in the bed. I am terrified! I am much too old to be harboring an evil spirit.

I know that this doll means the world to you, so instead of disposing of her, I am sending her back to you.

- Love Granny

When the giant box arrived back on my porch, I made myself busy, and asked my son to go retrieve it. “It’s from your granny!” he advised with a confused expression.

“Oh! I bet she sent us Christmas presents! Open it for me, and see what it could be!” I turned my back and resumed busily peeling potatoes so that the huge, mischievous grin on my face was unseen.

Now, if only my son would have thought about it, my granny had passed away many years ago when he was still a small child. But thankfully, this reality never crossed his mind.

“Uhm Mom, it’s a creepy, old doll with a note pinned to it!”

-“Well, don’t just stand there, what does the note say?”

After a few short moments I see him stuffing Abigale back into the box, and he still has not told me exactly what the note had to say. However, he’s heading toward the back door with the box in his arms.

“Wait! Where are you going? What did the note say?”

He proceeded to carry the box back outside and carefully placed it on the porch. Although he didn’t speak a word, the expression on his face was speaking volumes.

A few minutes later, after I had composed myself and fought away the hysterical laughter. I walked into the living room holding Abigale. “Oh, it’s my doll! I got her for Christmas when I was just a little girl! Granny had kept her for me, and now I finally have her back!"

“Mom please, take that creepy thing out of here! Did you even read the note?”

-"There was no note, what did you do with it?"

"I put it back in the box!"

-"No, you didn’t, I couldn’t find it, what did it say?"

“Mom, that thing has been running all around her house, tormenting her. That’s why she sent it back to you! It’s haunted or something.”

-"Seriously! Surely you don't believe in haunted dolls that move by themselves. Do you remember how much papaw liked to pull pranks, and joke around? I bet he was moving the doll!"

"Mom, papaw is dead....."

-"Ohhhhhhhh my..........."

So that night I placed Abigale on the table and surrounded her with Christmas garland and twinkling lights.

“I’m thrilled that my sweet Abigale is here to spend yet another Christmas with me!” I beamed with enthusiasm and eagerness as we all went to bed.

The very next morning when my son awakened, he found that Abigale was missing! Garland and lights were strung all across the living room. Following the tangled mess, he found her in the kitchen sitting in his chair at the table.

“Ohh heck no!” He grabbed her and shoved her back outside on the porch. Of course, I was quick to bring her right back inside.

“Stop throwing my doll outside! I love her, she’s special to me!”

“And stop trying to scare me by moving her around at night!”

-“Mom, I didn’t touch that doll and you know it!”

“So, you believe that she just jumped up and ran into the kitchen all by herself?”

“Well, that’s exactly why granny sent her back!”

“Oh, give me a break! You know better than that!”

“No! I don’t know what’s going on!”

A few days later, while my son was at work – I wrapped a multitude of fake presents and placed them all around the tree. When he came home, his eyes lit up at the impressively, beautiful sight.

Abigale was placed perfectly amongst the bright and colorful display of freshly wrapped gifts. But that night something unimaginable happened!

“MOM! MOM WAKE UP!”

It took me a moment to gather myself before entering the scene of the crime.

-“WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"I DIDN’T DO IT!"

-"OH MY GOSH! YOU’VE OPENED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PRESENTS! YOU’RE NOT A CHILD ANYMORE...YOU’RE A GROWN MAN!"

"MOM, I SWEAR I DIDN’T DO IT!"

-"DON’T TELL ME THAT THE DOLL DONE IT! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL OF THOSE PRESENTS!?"

"MOM PLEASE THROW THAT DOLL AWAY!"

-"SERIOUSLY! YOU’RE BLAMING THIS ON THE DOLL?"

Completely defeated, he dropped his head and went back into his room while I cleaned up the mess. Laughing my bootie off the whole entire time. There was a moment when I was laughing so much, I literally had to sit down.

Abigale spent the whole entire holiday season causing chaos and confusion all around our home. She wrecked the Christmas Tree; she stole my sons socks, and she was even found in the kitty's litter box doing the unthinkable.

It wasn’t until Christmas morning when she offered my son an apology, and admitted that it was I who was the real ghost of Christmas.

We all had a good laugh about the whole situation, although I do believe that some of his laughter was completely sarcastic and staged.

Abigale has returned again this year just to spread some “innocent” holiday magic once again.

Was this a mean, cruel and absolutely outlandish prank to play? Of course it most positively and absolutely was.

Would I do it again? Yes! You can bet your elf that I would!

"Who needs an Elf on the Shelf, when you can have Abigale from Hell?!"

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