A Moment That Changed My Life

A May Writing Challenge (#Quietcornermaychallenge). I know it is no longer May;

The prompt — A Quiet Turning — Describe a moment that didn’t seem important at the time but changed everything later.

Author’s Note: Stewartkabbis introduced me to this prompt from Quiet corner

When our second child was one month old, he stopped breathing. As my husband and I passed him back and forth and moved outside, the neighbor asked what was wrong and I said, “Call an ambulance.” And she said, “Run him to the hospital!”

That made sense as the hospital was one block away from where we lived. Why didn’t we figure that out? We had smoked marijuana just prior to our baby stopping breathing and a couple years later we would find out that he was allergic to smoke.

My life changed in that moment as I never smoked marijuana again. My baby was diagnosed with sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and I was told that he could stop breathing at any time until he was probably 2.5 years old.

Now to live with that. I did my best not to sleep when he did. I had quit smoking cigarettes when pregnant. I was a 2–3 pack a day smoker. I wanted a cigarette my whole pregnancy. I haven’t smoked cigarettes yet either. My husband never quit either for long.

He would be holding our baby and quickly pass him over to me, with fear in his voice saying, “I don’t think he is breathing!” I am sure today that it was the smoke allergy. We didn’t know that at the time, so every time that happened was tough.

Within a month, I realized I couldn’t take care of our baby and my husband and his drinking and drugs, so decided to leave him. He then wanted counseling and the marriage therapist told us that she couldn’t help us, as long as there was an alcohol and drug problem, we would get nowhere.

She said, “It would be like pounding our head against the wall, it won’t solve anything as long as there is a drug and alcohol problem.” She gave us a list for meetings of Alanon and AA (alcoholics anonymous) and an assessor's name and number.

I knew that she meant the assessor and AA for my husband and so I started alanon that same week, now 47 years ago. Yes, our son is 47. Being in recovery for all these years, has brought so many miracles. I had grown up in an alcoholic/addicted family and the recovery brought healing.

It brought a new way to live, in much the same way others find in religion, or for my people in the culture. My Anishinaabe people got religious freedom in 1978, the same year I found recovery. My life is completely changed from the life I lived prior to 1978.

There was no way I could have known or would never have found recovery if it wasn’t for my son being allergic to smoke. That night in the hospital while he was being tested, I did foxhole prayer. Save my baby, take me instead. I truly thought he would die.

Especially when they couldn’t find anything wrong with him. I said, I will do anything, just please don’t take my baby. After that I always knew I had a choice. It was clear. Do this (not good) or do that (good choice). Thankfully I chose right. I had to.

Today my life is as promised. Happy, joyous and free. My baby is doing well. He has a 6-year-old daughter that he didn’t expect to have, and a loving partner. I have a loving husband who is in recovery also. Together we have 7 children, 30 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren.

~~~~

First published by Mercury Press on medium.com