A letter to my ex

Where do I begin?..

To say I won’t, and don’t miss you, is a lie.

You were my first true love, and always will be.

When you proposed, I said yes, and then began our wedding plans with hopes of our happy future together.

In between the days and nights filled with laughter, passion and tenderness, were small (yet heavy) moments of worry, and insecurity.

We both know how that turned out though.

I thought it was you, until one day I couldn’t tell anymore.

My heart believed that your effortlessly charming personality and sense of humor had captured my own for eternity.

I loved everything about you.

Until I sensed that you no longer loved everything about me.

From then onward I retracted myself. I put up walls to make myself feel safe.

I could no longer trust you to be the partner I thought you were and would be.

And maybe that was my mistake.

Maybe I had made myself believe that you were a different version of who you really are, I don’t know.

The farther I strayed from you mentally and emotionally, the closer I found myself gravitating toward someone else.

I found someone that was filling the void of what I needed, but wasn’t getting from you.

I do not pride myself in that, and will always regret allowing myself to fall for someone else, before I fell out of love with you.

That may have been the straw that broke the camels back for us.

In hindsight of it all, I’ve learned an incredible amount not only about myself, but of you as well.

You and I were strong together once, but now have to be strong apart, individually.

I thank you for everything you taught me through the years (some of which I didn’t comprehend until just recently).

You helped teach me to be strong, to be disciplined, to be ambitious, and more.

And you taught me about love and happiness, even if you don’t realize it.

In the end I chose myself.

And that was, by far, the absolute hardest thing I have ever done.

My heart has never been more broken and defeated as it was amidst that decision.

As was yours, maybe even more than mine.

That will always be the saddest thing of my life. To say goodbye to you.

I knew the grief and hurt you would go through before I even officially decided to end it.

I can’t tell you how much time and thought I devoted to making that choice.

Well, here we are now. Two years later.

I know you’re not happy, and I know you blame me.

I can’t very well say that you’re wrong in doing so because I’m not in your position.

But I hope one day that happiness will find you like a needed, warm hug.

You deserve everything you desire and more. And you deserve bliss.

I’ll always be sorry for what I put you through, and wish you nothing but the best.

And I hope you know how much I loved you, and still do.

You have a place in my heart T, and for the 3 years we spent together I am eternally grateful.