A FEELING.

I stand over the balcony a sunny day and as I look at nature.

It is so pretty and calm to me though I can not help but wonder.

If we did not meet each other at some point would I be in danger?

Shaking that off with those negative thoughts because I don't want to have it at all.

I am here to tell you a short poetry version of my story of love that some may not even think is real enough to call.

But it is and some don't understand love is true.

That it can happen and when you least expect it to.

That his love is the only direction and only feelings of destination.

I desire to be with him and to feel every sensation.

My love if you are reading this too you know who you are and I am glad and happy you live up to the real man of every expectation.

Now back when I was a child.

Born into a world so wild.

I went through so much heartache and hardships.

Feeling the trauma as I continued to run with it.

I was diagnosed at age seven with a bipolar schizophrenia mental health illness.

Nobody knows but it is life that might be so dangerous.

Not to others but to mostly to ourselves for we are our biggest self critics.

Feeling everything ten times the mess.

From mental or physical and emotional abuse on top of my mental health madness.

You name the trauma I went through most of the list.

It is not fun at all though I became stronger through all of it.

Years passed I grew a bit older but this time I am 18 and have not even lived.

Call me crazy for saying so but I am not like most teenagers.

I have never been to a party never drunk and never smoked just never lived the life of a normal human being I guess not that it matters.

It is what it is anyway, I started dating after a year of finding my call as an author.

The saddest thing is I didn't know what a real man was like because of my own father.

He was a drunk and abusive person and never there.

I guess to my hurt feelings it felt like he did not care

Later he passed away without me saying bye and leaving me in despair.

Though I dated yes and to my surprise.

My mother who later on after a couple of heartbreaks and abuse made me realize.

I am broken and I hurt and I was living and being so kind and naive.

As I lived my life and thought of it with my hope it should be like the movie screens.

It pains me because now I am broken yet a year later with trying find me.

I am now 24 and I got accepted into college.

A great university due to my great knowledge.

That was then when I was not looking but building myself and my journey.

That I met the love of my life even though love is still tough in reality.

My love is everything to me it is why I get scared and push you away like fire with fire.

But because you popped into my life in shock of my mentality that men are all liars.

Now is the time as I write this I realize a few days ago we fought like lions.

After we would make love and then talk and tell the truth.

I told my love that I never had a man stick this long to be real with you.

Even so, during our time in our relationship, there were plenty of ups and downs.

As we lose our minds trying to cause each other to understand things and still did not get a sound.

Because I feel we are mirroring each other like twin flames

belonging to each other.

I would never say a word though still you take my breath and steal my heart away one way or another.

As you also steal the things I know.

You then continue to stand by me while you save me from my cold.

You warm me like a candle warms the room with its bright light.

This is scary but my feelings of that I know are temporary and soon my feelings of love will take flight.

Saving me from out of the cold with this much desire.

We are winners together.

we should be and due to what we have been through in similar ways.

We may look out of control at times but I believe we are not sinners every day.

We just are strong for each other and sometimes not seeing eye to eye all the time is okay.

A love I truly desired long ago was brought to me in a beautiful rhythm.

God only knows who to put into your life to save you and make a miracle for that I can't fathom.

You see when he holds me and I speak of my love I mean I feel like my whole world is warmer and filling with secure light.

We look each other in our eyes

Instantly telling each other we love each other and the sparks of love that fly.

Though in my eyes It is supposed to tell him your perfection

You are my only sense of direction

My loyalty lies in your destination.

Wherever we go with our love shall go with the flow of life.

For that, I am not scared anymore of you leaving because you made it clear you are not like the men who drove my heart out with a knife.

Fire is the desire I have for you flowing through my veins

As love courses through allowing my heart to beat again without shame.

Our passion for our love will not hopefully ruin A FEELING so special.

Yet because our love is undeniable.

It is true and it is unquestionable.