A 24-Year-old girl who has never Dated

A little background my name is Vanshika and I am a finance professional from India, I love to cook and I am a shy kind of person but only until I am not familiar with you, the moment I am friendly with you I can not be shut up.

In India, it is not very common to be dating very early into your school or sometimes even in college, or even if someone is dating it is usually a secret to be kept from families. So, as I graduated from school in 2015 I thought the world is at my feet I’ll go to college start dating, and have the time of my life, but things did not go as planned, I started pursuing CA (Chartered Accountant ) which is a distant learning program. there is no need to go to college you just study at home and appear for exams, so it did not give me much of social life. And whenever it gave I just couldn’t open myself up.

Also growing up I had a lot of insecurities regarding my physical appearance as my mother would often comment upon it when I was younger ( she does not do it anymore, we both had to work towards it ) that I was not fair enough or slim enough, those insecurities stayed with me long after, I am still not fully over it, but I am working towards it. So even if someone sends off those vibes I don’t know, I would lose my confidence and friendzone them. I would be comfortable until they are my friends but as soon as it starts becoming more I withdraw. And it’s not that I don’t want to be in a relationship I have tried but I don’t know why I cannot do it in person. So I did what everybody is doing nowadays ……YES!!! online dating sites.

I was firmly against the idea of online dating but there was a point in my life that everyone around me was in a relationship and I was very lonely. So I succumbed to the pressure and I made a tinder profile. In the beginning, it was great the flirting, the attention talking to someone new, I could be anyone, any version of myself but here’s where the good part ends, as the talks start progressing you start seeing something or the other wrong with the person, I don’t know if it is just me, am I overcritical, am I setting really high standards, all those movies and books have set the bar high and those things do not exist in real life I don’t know. But I don’t want to settle for less. Also, the majority of people on the dating sites are there for hookups and I am not up for that. So these dating sites too have been a disappointment for me.

After this my self-confidence took a huge hit, for me it was like I cannot find anyone in this world to love me, and I am past that point in my life where I should have my first relationship. But I pick myself up and think that in billions of people around the world there is gonna be one person who loves me for me, who will be there for me in my worst and my best, who will be there for me in my highs and lows.

The one thing that became clear was that I did not love myself so how is someone else gonna love me, I was my biggest critic and not appreciated myself for anything I have achieved or done, I know myself best and if I cannot love and appreciate myself I should not expect others to love me, also my happiness is not someone else’s responsibility, I should be able to make myself happy, it is too big a burden to depend my happiness on someone else. Nobody should have such a burden.

So, have learned through this that before I find someone to me, I should love myself, and learn to appreciate the person I am.

Thanks for listening to my story. If you also at any time in your life felt the same please share it with me. I would like to hear about it.