How Things Went From Wonderful to Terrifying...

When I first met we'll call him Wade I was working at my uncle's grocery store, I was pregnant, I had a six year old son and was in the middle of a divorce from my highschool sweetheart. Wade was working for a local businessman who owned a couple of local business' around our small town and they came into the grocery store about everyday for lunch and to do business such as cashing checks for some of the local business man's employees. I was feeling lost in my life as you can imagine; I didn't know where to go from here. I had worked my ass off for years to finally own my own home as my previous husband had not been very consistent with keeping a job and I knew it would take more than what I made to be able to keep my home. I had another baby on the way and a six year old plus myself to feed and take care of and stressed and scared doesn't even begin to describe it. I had also felt lonely, unheard and misunderstood for so many years in my marriage that it had left me feeling desperate to see if better was out there. Wade started talking to one of my co-workers and they even went out on a date but it didn't go well and when he tried to come talk to her about it at the store that should've been my first red flag but I let my desperateness see past that incident. When Wade came to talk to her he cornered her in an aisle and wouldn't let her pass telling her that he just wanted to talk about the date and that she couldn't just avoid him. She was smart and said that she didn't want any part of that meaning his aggressiveness and abrasiveness and they didn't go out again. I waited a few weeks and let all that simmer down but I couldn't get something I had heard Wade tell my young co-worker when they were talking out of my head. He had said that he just wanted someone to settle down with, someone to love and that would love him back. I thought because my co-worker was young at the time "Well then you don't need a girl you need a woman and you need me." Although I also was petrified he would see me and run because I was pregnant with another man's child. So, after those few weeks and things simmering down I let the talk of my other co-worker we'll call Sue who was telling me things like "He's cute!", "You should grab him up! K(the other co-worker who'd went on a date with him) didn't want him so you need to get him." get to me. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes one day and let myself get lost in them. I asked K for his number and it was not long after that that we were texting back and forth and then the next day he and his boys came to visit. He had two sons from a previous marriage. One of his sons who we'll call LJ was the same age as my son and the other, we'll call NJ was nine. Things with Wade were very hot and very heavy very quickly. That first night we spoke on the phone and stayed on the phone most of the night; talking to each other, asking each other questions about our likes and dislikes and our family life. He agreed with most everything I said which now I see it for the red flag that it was, unfortunately at the time I just thought "This is great! How are we so much like each other!?" The next day we all met each other and let the kids play while we hung out and talked some more. By the end of that day, we had shared our first kiss and it wasn't just one. The next day which I believe was a Monday, Wade came to stay the night. It was a horrible decision on my part with having my six year old there but he consumed my every thought and made me feel like I was so special that I didn't want to be away from him. I felt at the time that God was answering my prayers since I knew that alone I would lose my house possibly and I was so worried about that. That night, Wade and I made love all night and the rest of that week followed much the same way. We'd get up in the morning on little to no sleep, go to work, come home, cook supper, eat with my son who we'll call AJ, get him his bath and homework done, put him to bed and then resume our love making sessions. It was some of the most passionate sex I'd ever had(granted I'd only ever been with my highschool sweetheart beforehand) but Wade was full of a fire and a passion I had never known. He was hungry and wild and passionate and so was I. If only I'd understood that part of that passion came from an anger burning deep inside that could not be tamed. A beast that would soon emerge....