A Lasting Storm: Chapter 5

A man can die a thousand deaths before the one to put him in his final resting place. Jim should have been enjoying the happiest days of his life. His world was upside down, and nothing he did kept his mind off his problems.

Somewhere between the light and the darkness lies the heart of men. An eternal struggle to maintain the balance between what’s right, and what’s good. Jim was struggling with some very dark thoughts and voices in his head. The voices were slowly chipping away at the good man Jim promised himself he would become. He needed to do it for Sonny, but had he ever planned to do it for himself?

Jim had friends, but none could pull him out of his funk. The only times that Jim wasn’t praying for death was when he was with his son. Of all the things Jim had experienced, this was the only time he was desperately afraid.

Work, then school, then to his parents to pick up his son. That was Jim’s existence. On the weekends, he picked up a few extra hours. He expected to need the money. Divorces were expensive, and everyone warned him that a guy fighting for child custody faced an uphill battle. One way, or another, Jim expected to be served divorce papers any day.

Lying in bed, as the sun rose and light streamed through his window, Jim reached for a cigarette. It was Saturday, and Jim had the day off. He planned on spending the day with Sonny, catching up on his reading for procedural law, and riding with one of the patrol guys. It would be a full day.

Still in his bed, Jim struggled with motivation. Since Jayla left, he hadn’t heard from her. Jayla’s true confession left him in a state of anger and dismay. As he breathed in the burnt tobacco, hoping to conquer his anxious mind, Jim swung his legs off the side of his bed and reached for a bottle. He barely managed to choke down the copious amount he chugged when he heard a knock at the door.

Jim walked down the stairs, still in his underwear, and found Kimber standing on his porch. Looking at his watch, he wondered what she was doing there so early in the morning. Jim opened the door, motioning for her to come inside.

“Stay quiet. Sonny’s sleeping,” he told her. “Let me get some pants.”

Jim went to the drier and grabbed a pair of jeans. He came back to find Kimber standing in the doorway. She was looking him up and down, nervously biting her fingernail.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

Kimber knew Jim was a good man at heart. She watched the past couple of years as Jim turned from the sketchy street punk people thought he was into a decent father. He’d been good to Jayla, better than Jalya deserved. Kimber didn’t condone what she’d done to the man, and the two were on the outs over the sordid affair.

“So, why are you here?”

“Honestly,” she sighed, “I should have come sooner. I just…didn’t know what to say to you.”

“I’m going to need coffee if it’s going to be that kind of discussion,” said Jim, turning and walking into the kitchen. “Want a cup?”

Kimber followed him and told him to sit down. “Let me,” she told him.

Jim had his kitchen well organized. Kimber found everything she needed and put on a pot of coffee. She poured two cups when it finished brewing and sat at the table. Kimber was awkward. She was a cute girl for a dorky teenager.

Kimber looked up to Jim. She knew the rumors, but all she saw was the gentle giant of a guy. When Jayla and Jim were dating, Kimber would ask Jayla what Jim was like. Despite what happened between her sister and Jim, she remembered Jayla said good things about the man.

“Are you doing alright?” she asked. “How’s my nephew?”

“Sonny, he’s alright. He misses his mom, but what do I say to a kid that just turned two?”

“I don’t know what to say to you, and you’re an adult. What can you say to a kid at that age,” Kimber admitted.

Kimber reached across the table, grabbing Jim’s hand. It took Jim by surprise but was comforting. She asked again how he was doing. Sitting there, he wished he had something good to say.

“I’m still here,” he told her, “Unfortunately.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What would happen to Sonny if anything happened to you?” she asked, pushing her point across the table.

Kimber explained that she and Jayla were on the outs now that her sister admitted to her what she had done. It took a month to get Jayla to tell her the truth, and she only opened up about things because Kimber swore to keep it from their family. The two girls wound up fighting until some guys split them apart.

“Jim, I didn’t know. I want you to know if I’d known what she was doing, I’d have warned you.”

“I appreciate that,” said Jim. “I just wish I understood. Why would she choose me?”

“Reputation,” replied Kimber.

She explained that Jim didn’t see the value of his reputation. For all his womanizing, he didn’t understand how attractive someone can be when they make you feel safe.

“So, she used me for my body, and I’m known to handle myself in a confrontation,” sighed Jim. “Then, none of it was real.”

“Well, you do have a good body,” Kimber said, staring at her shirtless brother-in-law. “And yes, she chose you because of the rumors about your ties and your business dealings.”

Jim laughed. He knew the stories that were going around. Some of them were practically a part of local lore. Small towns and even some mid-sized towns were known for gossiping-busybodies. Since they lived in an area where everybody knew everyone, nothing stayed a secret for long.

When the neighborhood cop stopped to visit Jim, stories spread like wildfire, and friends from other towns would call to check on him that night. Jim went on a date once with a girl that he hit it off with, and everybody at work found out he slept with her before he returned to work the following weekend.

The reputation did him well, and Jim knew he was guilty of playing into the myth of James McAlister. Most people didn’t realize his questionable associations had nothing to do with money. He wasn’t the big-time player in the local scene some thought him to be.

Jim’s reputation grew from rumor, innuendo, and insinuations. He was the guy that everybody knew. However, nobody knew him well. It allowed him to navigate waters that some found distasteful. Or at least, that’s how Jim saw the legacy of his teenage years.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I guess,” said Jim, getting up to refill their cups, “I’ll wait for the divorce papers and get an attorney.”

“Smart,” Kimber admitted. “What about Sonny?”

“Sonny stays with me!” announced Jim. “Anything else and the discussion’s a non starter.”

“Honestly,” Kimber replied, looking him in the eye, “I think that’s the best plan, inspite of what my mother’s saying.”

She told Jim about her mother’s plans to hire the best attorney she could find, take custody of Sonny, and force him to pay child support and alimony. Kimber admitted that her mother had no idea what happened between them or that she admitted to using Jim to escape the abuse their parents put her through.

“Great,” sighed Jim. “Any idea who?”

Kimber promised to keep her ears open and share anything she learned about her mother’s plans or Jayla’s. She wasn’t there to help her sister by any means. Kiimber wanted to see her burned at the stake and saw Jim as the guy to make that happen. If she could help him exact some revenge, she was all in.

“What did she do to you? Why do you want to hurt her so badly?”

“Oh, I don’t want to hurt my sister. I want to make her suffer in ways she won’t forget, and then tell her what I did to her so she knows it came from me,” Kimber excitedly explained.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jim sighed, mulling over her offer. “In the meantime, you’re more than welcome to visit, spend time with Sonny, whatever’s good for you.”

“So, instead of a babysitter, what if I help you? At least on weekends,” Kimber suggested. “It would get me out of the house and keep me out of trouble at.”

“Sure, how much?”

Kimber looked at him, a wicked smile on her face. “It’s on me bro. He’s my nephew, you’re a friend no matter what, so I want to help.”

“I appreciate it more than you know,” he said, getting up and hugging her tightly.

The two were surprised when they heard a little voice ask why Aunt Kimber was there. Jim picked Sonny up, telling the toddler how his aunt Kimber missed him and came to see her nephew. Kimber took Sonny from Jim and gave him a big hug.

“Daddy,” Sonny said, looking at the table, “I’m hungry.”

“You’re welcome to stay…it’s pancake Saturday.”

Kimber would stay most of the morning. Much of it was spent playing with her nephew, watching kids’ shows, and giving Jim a break. Jim was taking Sonny to the mall for some father-son-time, which at his age amounted to riding the kiddie rides and going to Mcdonalds for a happy meal. In those days, the days of indoor malls, a little shopping, attraction seeing, and lunch or dinner were all found in one place.

Jim took Sonny to the grandparents for the night, leaving him there so Jim could do a ride along with the local cops. He could catch a few hours of sleep and then get into his uniform. For the first time in a while, Jim didn’t feel the dread that was his everyday existence. He felt a little bit of hope that things would get better in time.

Kimber was home sitting outside and having a cigarette when Jayla stopped by. She was with her newest flavor of the week when she pulled into the driveway. She walked up to the porch, trying to make things right with her kid sister.

“Nope, I’m not even going to listen to this shit. What you did, I hope you realize how much he did for you. For you to turn your back on your son and do what you did to Jim, well, paybacks a bitch and I hope she’s coming sooner than later,” Kiimber screamed as she stormed off.

“That went well,” Jayla chuckled, not a care in the world.

Jim couldn’t sleep. He still wasn’t there yet. The stress of the impending divorce, trying to get hired on with an agency, and spending each day as a father not knowing what he was doing right or wrong left him restless. There wasn’t a good answer he could see on the horizon.

He looked at the clock, seeing it was nearly ten. Jim got up and put on his uniform, the uniform he imagined Jayla being proud to see him wear. Jim felt the angst of the moment, a moment that he dreaded. Growing up in a single-parent household for the first half of his life, Jim remembered what being alone did to his mother.

People aren’t meant to be alone in the world. They’re meant to find the right person, spend their lives together, raise a family, and grow old with each other. That was the life he always admired, a life with someone to share things with. Now, he was facing the world alone and wondered how to manage.

He wasn’t hired full-time anywhere. Even to do a ride-along, he needed someone to watch the kid, to make sure his boy was taken care of. Jim didn’t know how he was supposed to balance that responsibility and take on any others.

Even without being hired full-time by a police department, the dreams were dying. He wouldn’t be able to do the jobs he hoped for and know that he’d be there for his son when he graduated high school or went to college. In his mind, something like S.W.A.T. or undercover work was out of the question.

Jim wondered why he was still pursuing the job when there were other ways he could make a living. Was he right to continue on the path he started, or should he find a different one?

Jim pulled his gun out of the lockbox, press-checked it, and put it in his holster. He told himself to calm down. None of his problems were going to solve themselves tonight. He needed to keep his head on straight and focus if he was going to be of help to the officers and make it home safely.

“Here goes nothing,” he said as he grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

To be continued…