A New America

Janice gripped my arm with her toes, startling me awake. "Huh? Everything okay, babe? Sorry I dozed off. It was such a great spread you made for the picnic!" I tried not to grovel too much, but she could be a little unpredictable.

"Shh!" My girlfriend had a finger tight against her lips, and her eyes were as wide as hubcaps. I shut my mouth and slowly turned to see what was in her view. "Don't move," she said tersely. She gritted her teeth. "Not a muscle, Kevin."

I froze, and all the good feelings of our date dissipated into the tension emanating from Janice. A shadow appeared over my shoulder, and I fought every impulse to see who or what created it. What happened next answered my question but left me with greater temptations to react.

"Lady, you and your man friend shouldn't be out here. This is protected land, you know." The man that spoke was not unpleasant, but there was no mistaking his tone. It was clear he expected us to clear out. "And don't go bothering to tell me this is private property, Missy. There's no such thing when it comes to saving Mother Earth."

"Sir," Janice began, "you need to leave. You are on private property. The Constitution gives us the right to own property and do with it as we see fit. All we're doing is enjoying a picnic! We're not harming anything. We always clean up after ourselves. We take care of the environment. You are trespassing here, and---"

That was as far as she got before Mr. Mouth jumped in. "That's where you're wrong, Missy! The President's executive order on the 21st of this month states that--"

My girlfriend cut him off. "Executive orders do not have U.S. Constitutional authority! Presidents have used them as an end-run around Congress when the House and Senate can't seem to agree on anything, but EOs are not law. Mr. Henderson, you need to leave. Now."

The man was surprised when she said his name. "How do you know my name?" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Oh, Henderson. You've been making a name for yourself around here lately. For the less-informed, I hear you've been 'cancelling' them on social media, convincing them that they don't have the rights they thought they did under the Constitution, and forcing people to give up their land to you. I bet you're getting rather wealthy with that scheme."

"You don't know what you're talking about, lady. If we don't make changes soon, there won't be an American society or any other society that will survive the devastation coming on Mother Earth!"

"Mr. Henderson, do you see the beautiful landscape out here? You do? The fields, the trees, the wildflowers, ample sunlight--you really see that? Then why do you want to destroy all that to put man-made solar panels in its place? Isn't that more destructive to 'Mother Earth' than helpful? Those panels can't store energy, they aren't recyclable when they break down, and the companies that build them are making hundreds of millions of dollars a year in government tax breaks. How does that help us?? You don't have answers for me, so get off my property before I call the cops!"

The shadow moved away from me, but Janice didn't relax for several minutes. Finally, she signaled the "all-clear," and I sat up. "Same guy as before, huh?" I asked.

She nodded. "I didn't want him to recognize you. He probably would've called the cops, and then we would've been in real trouble. You did a good job playing the role of a 'dead body,' though, Kev." She smiled, hugged me, and drew me in for a kiss. "Kissing you beats kissing a corpse! Not that I've ever kissed a corpse," she added hurriedly.

"I'm glad I rate better than the proverbial corpse!" We laughed. "But seriously, babe, we need to figure out how to protect your property against this dude Henderson. What is America coming to? Whatever happened to 'the home of the free and the land of the brave'?"

My sweetheart rested her head on my chest. "I'm free when I'm with you, Kevin. You make me brave. I can't believe I stood up to Henderson like that! He just made me so mad, trying to tell me what I can and can't do on my own property."

"It must be those social studies classes you're taking at the university, babe. The more you know about American history from primary sources, the easier it is to sort through the opinions we see on social media and in the news. It's one reason my podcast is popular. Our generation is hungry to know. We're sick of the cancel culture. The cultural elites cancel someone for failing to live up to their standards one week, and two weeks later, one of those same elitists is canceled for something similar. When will it end? What will America become after this?" I stopped, realizing I was preaching to the choir, as they say. "Sorry. I'll get off my soapbox now."

My apology was met with a passionate smooch, and we were soon wrapped in our picnic blanket. A few minutes later, I came up for air. "Wow, what brought that on?" My grin stretched from ear to ear.

Janice sighed happily. "I love it when you get on your soapbox, Kev. It's so sexy. Come on, babe. Let's clean up the picnic gear, finish our fun inside, and map out our plans to save our beloved nation."

"I know we can do at least two of those, Jan, darling. Even if it takes all night."