"You Can't Stop Me Lovin' Myself!": How these 7 BTS Songs taught me to Embrace Self-Love

I don't hate Valentine's Day.

Expressing the adoration you feel for your partner by bringing them flowers or taking them out to dinner on a specific day is an undertaking that can always be done the other 364 days in the year but setting aside February 14th to do so is certainly a lovely gesture.

A notion I reject, however, are those who lament being "alone AGAIN" during this time; cursing out the universe demanding to know where their forever love is and why they haven't found The One yet. They anticipate this day every year with intense dread and scoff at any heart-shaped balloons found in the grocery store.

I've written about my own Valentines (note: in my dreams) BTS several times and a common theme found in their exceptional discography is self-love. Understanding the idea that human beings make mistakes and it is by learning from these errors which ultimately allow us to grow into our unabashedly true selves.

Striving to put yourself first or placing emphasis on your happiness is a measure in life many have been taught to avoid. Wanting to take a few days off for your mental health after a tough month at work has been historically seen as a negative: "well if you're not up to it, there are plenty of others who would kill for your position!"

"An hour on the couch is an hour that can be spent making money!"

"If you haven't had sex at least once during high school, something must be wrong with you!"

"If you haven't found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with by the time you're 25, you're going to be alone forever!"

"If you don't have enough in your savings for potential retirement, you spend too much money on frivolous expenditures like rent and food!"

Scrutinizing these harmful societal pressures is just one out of a myriad of reasons why BTS has the eternally loyal following they have today.

"... True love first begins with loving myself." - Kim Namjoon (RM)

In 2017, the group partnered with UNICEF for their "LOVE MYSELF" Anti-Violence Campaign which "committed to making the world a safer place so that children and teenagers will be able to live happy and healthy lives, without living in the fear of violence."

Their efforts culminated in the septet appearing at the United Nations where leader RM's inspirational six-minute speech implored those struggling to find their voice ("Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin colour, gender identity: speak yourself") and to utilize the messaging found in their music to assist them with their journey.

Here are seven Bangtan songs I believe embody the idea of loving yourself and why I feel as much of a personal connection with them as I do.

Check out the Spotify playlist link below:

1. Epiphany: "I'm the one I should love... In this world."

When I first listened to the ballad "Epiphany" sung angelically by member Seokjin, I initially believed the lyric above to be "I'm the one you should love in this world." The song itself is undeniably beautiful-sounding and I figured it was probably a message sung to a lost love.

It was only after I looked up the translation of the track (you'll find that any ARMY, Korean or not, will always recommend reading up on the extraordinary meanings behind their songs) that I learned just how important of a message "Epiphany" has.

"Why did I want to hide my precious self like this?

What was I so afraid of?

Why did I hide my true self?"

Feeling insecure about your physical features, personality traits or anything remotely related to yourself is not a new phenomenon and never will be. Growing up, I allowed these insecurities to manifest within me whenever a random kid called me ugly during recess. I strove to ignore these taunts and although I thankfully had a great support system who helped me find my inner strength, it was difficult. "I have an overbite, I wear my brother's old clothes and my short hair makes me look like a boy, who could ever possibly love me?"

Listening to "Epiphany" transports me back to facing that kid in recess and places a self-accepting barrier around myself that refuses to allow their words to hurt me. I can assure my younger self that I no longer want to "live my life for [them]" because I am good enough:

"I finally realized so I love me.

Not so perfect but so beautiful.

I'm the one I should love."

Accepting your true self and who you are as a person is an undeniably difficult process. It may not happen overnight but you are always worth being loved and it starts with loving yourself first above all else.

2. I'm Fine: "I'll let go of your hand now... I know I'm all mine, mine, mine."

This synth-heavy EDM track encourages the listener to not solely depend on an outside force to bring them inner peace while excitedly reassuring themselves that they are feeling "just fine, fine fine."

I do think having a partner, someone to rely on both physically and emotionally, is certainly an important figure to have in one's life. Spending time with someone, learning more about them and ultimately starting a family together is a journey many individuals choose to undertake... But achieving this lifepath should absolutely not be the end all-be all in terms of feeling happiness.

Relying on a partner for (potentially) the rest of your life is an incredible joy, completely depending on a partner to service your every need is dangerous.

I am a 26-year-old unmarried Afghan whose distant relatives I've spoken to a whopping total of ~twice seem to continually adore reminding me that my chances of corralling a husband are dwindling with each passing year.

It's difficult for them to fully comprehend my insistence of "... guys, I'm actually fine."

The aptly-titled BTS track "I'm Fine" emphasizes how it's "alright" to be your "own salvation." The line in the chorus ("I know I'm all mine, mine, mine") is "the reassurance of knowing who you are" and because you are your own person (the person you know you'll definitively spend the rest of your days with), "confiding in someone else doesn’t change that in any way."

3. Paradise: "It’s alright to stop... There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason."

If your social media is anything like mine, you will be reminded at least once a day from a high school acquaintance via their Instagram story that "if you're not working every second of every day to achieve your dream, work harder."

"Hop on that grind and never stop until you're dead" or whatever.

More likely than not, this former pal from biology class who always asked for your notes is referring to a financial dream. It's never them hyping up the dream of wanting to spend the weekend solely binging on The Golden Girls. It's typically the dream of possessing a garage full of Teslas and caviar fountains (that's what rich people do, right?)

A dream of swimming in an unattainable amount of wealth because they saw a badly pixelated inspiration quote saying something along the lines of "people doubted Amazon, look at Jeff Bezos now!" and thought "hey! Maybe I could be the richest person on the Earth if I just grind! Surely that's how people like Bezos etc. have accumulated their vast monetary gluttony wealth: good old-fashioned, boot-strapping hard work!" Avoiding taxes and not providing those who have actively assisted you in amassing this greed with bathroom breaks surely helps too, but I digress.

When discussing the process behind "Paradise", RM rejected the long-held belief of "if you don't have a dream, you are not living a life... I think that's not cool." We've been conditioned to view someone who doesn't have a grandiose, detailed plan for their next ten years as being lazy or uninspired.

Although someone may be making the money needed to go on a dream vacation, they simply won't ever have the time needed to travel.

"It’s alright to stop.

There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason.

It’s alright to not have a dream.

If you have moments where you feel happiness for a while.

It’s alright to stop."

"Paradise" serves as a reminder that if you want to take a moment to breathe, take it. If you don't happen to have a list of where you want to be in the future, that's alright. "All the breaths you breathe are already in paradise." You will eventually lead to where you're meant to be, just make sure you're taking care of yourself first before you arrive.

4. Answer: Love Myself: "Me, who used to be sad / Me, who used to be hurt / It’ll make me more beautiful."

It's in the title itself: love myself.

"Loving myself might be harder.

Than loving someone else.

Let’s admit it.

The standards I made are more strict for myself."

The toughest critic we have readily prepared at our disposal to cause insurmountable pressure is our own voice. We've been taught to bury ourselves into our work rather than spend a few hours playing video games with a loved one. Ensuring your mental stability takes precedence has traditionally been a "rich person's" activity; what do you possibly need therapy for? Don't you know how lucky you have it compared to everyone else in the world?

As the years progress, awareness toward placing emphasis on mental health has thankfully increased yet we have an incredibly long way to go before the societal norm becomes finding help whenever you need it.

"The me of yesterday, the me of today, the me of tomorrow.

(I’m learning how to love myself).

With no exceptions, it’s all me."

What you've endured in the past and the present is what shapes your future self. It is with reflecting on these versions of yourself that allows you to "not only love [yourself] but also [accept] and [forgive your] past mistakes."

"Answer: Love Myself" is a touching track that illustrates how crucial it is to embrace every single part of what makes you you because you are wholly unique.

This is such a fundamental concept for everyone to embrace regardless of age, gender identity or life experience. How simple of an idea that seems to be the hardest to achieve: "I should love myself." The mistakes I've made in the past do not need to dictate how I move forward as "even all the scars from your mistakes make up your constellation." I've grown from my mistakes and rather than trying to hide them, I embrace them because they make me me and I am wholly unique.

5. So What: "Your worries, worries without no answer... Don’t fall into them and stay in them."

If you submit a paper that you thoroughly researched on, spent the time needed to review and edit and re-edit and edit again until you were satisfied with what you had in front of you and the fate of this grade now lie in the hands of a professor or TA... How often do you find yourself anxiously awaiting the results from Day One?

You can't sleep, you lose your appetite because you are freaking out at what this grade could possibly be. Should you have included that sentence from the author who grew up in the same area as you did? Would the TA find that inappropriate?

Days turn into weeks and it's now officially a month since you submitted the paper. You've relegated yourself to believing "yeah, I definitely failed. I am going to be kicked out of this institution. The professor is probably forwarding my terrible work to the entire faculty so they can just laugh and laugh! How will I possibly pay these exorbitant student loans back without my gran-- Oh, the marks are in... I'm in the top 3% of my class! They included a digital sticker on it! Hm... Maybe I... Shouldn't have piled on an unnecessary amount of stress into my blood stream for something that was entirely out of my control once I hit 'submit' a month ago..."

Does this scenario feel at all relatable to anyone reading this? If it does, you were me during university except the "top 3% of the class" was more like "congrats, you earned the barest of minimums needed to graduate."

Worrying is a part of human existence. You are going to have worries, however take a second to possibly accept that "90% of your worries are an imaginary swamp that you created" and to respectfully "shout it out, so what, what."

"In a sigh, lots of worries are hiding.

Stop thinking about it, You already know it all.

In the middle of the road, in the moment you want to give up.

Shout out louder.

So what, what, what."

There are moments where I find myself bopping along to whatever BTS song is playing in my car when I suddenly feel a jolt of sadness wash over me because I didn't have their music during my schooling days.

My mental health was not in the best shape when I was in university and I kept most of (I mean, let's just round it up to "all") my struggles to myself even though I knew I could've spoken to my mom or a counselor about what I was feeling. If I did the best work I could possibly do, if I was happy with whatever tasks I completed, why did I insist on stressing as much as I did on circumstances I had no control over?

For now, thankfully, I strive to not "get scared", I work toward making myself "cheer up" and shout it out: "So what!"

6. Anpanman: "I’m not a superhero / Don’t expect a lot / I can be your hero."

If someone were to ask me what my all-time favourite BTS song is, depending on the day of the week and what mood I'm in, I would excitedly blurt out "Anpanman!"

For those unfamiliar with the character, Anpanman is a Japanese superhero whose name loosely translates to "Bread Man." He has no formidable super powers or skills, however he is "a kind hero who helps those in need and gives to hungry people pieces of his face, which is made out of red bean bread."

In a reality where there are physically intimidating and extraordinarily wealthy characters we perceive as being "super", there are also those who choose to be super in their own way. They utilize what little they have to selflessly give to those who need it more than them and in the case of Anpanman, it's literally his body.

"Although I’ll fall again.

I’ll make a mistake again.

And I’ll be covered in mud.

I believe in myself because I’m a hero."

The amazingly catchy BTS tune examines what it means to be true to yourself and relays the importance of remaining honest with your feelings is vital in embracing your true self.

Being true to what you want ("Being a really cool hero is my fantasy") and accepting that this may not come to fruition ("but I’m not a superhero") and how ultimately "in the attitude of wanting to become a superhero and honestly admitting that you’re not one, you can feel self-esteem and self-love."

I may not have the extravagant purchases of Batman or the flying capabilities of Superman but I know I will always have the red bean bread found within myself to feast on.

7. IDOL: "I do what I do, so you do you... You can’t stop me lovin’ myself!"

Like the previously mentioned "Anpanman", if someone were to ask me what my favourite BTS song is I would, without hesitation, answer with "IDOL" depending on however I feel during that day.

While this absolute bop of a hit can liven up even the most mundane of monotony, its message of self-acceptance appeals to anyone who is facing their own respective hardships.

The song explores the pressures faced within their idol industry by definitively stating I will not allow harmful influences to change who I inherently am as an individual:

"I know what I am.

I know what I want.

I never gon’ change.

I never gon’ trade."

Now there is a categorical difference between feeling confident and being arrogant - Believing that you are intrinsically above another person for whatever reason is arrogance. Expressing the adoration you feel for who you are is a staple of confidence.

My personal journey of reaching how comfortable I am with myself today has been a two+ decade process and I can assuredly state listening to BTS' music has been an invaluable support for me as I've grown into the confident and content person writing this article.

"I’m so fine wherever I go.

Even if it takes a while sometimes.

It’s okay, I’m in love with my-my myself.

It’s okay, I’m happy in this moment."

"IDOL" remains one of the quintessential BTS songs to listen to during any occasion, really. Particularly when you're in need of a pick-me-up as listening to a stadium of 40,000 individuals with their own insecurities and challenges screaming out at the top of their lungs "you can't stop me lovin' myself!" is truly a cathartic experience:

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