This Highway Called Life

29 years. 72 days. 2 hours. 47 minutes. 11 seconds. As of now that is the exact amount of time that's passed since I entered this world.

The term "milestone" is often used to describe events of great magnitude or things that we will remember for the rest of our lives, but I prefer the term "mile MARKER" as it signifies the ongoing journey we are all on. As I reflect on these mile markers of my own existence, it's bittersweet. It's sentimental to think about the first time I drove into a new state during one of several moves as a kid, it's painful to recall the heartbreak I felt when I experienced something hard in my teen years, yet it's reassuring to look back upon everything I've made it through, and to see how far I've grown to become the man I am here today, 29 years, 72 days, 2 hours, 47 minutes and (now 57 seconds) later.

I'm hopeful that by the end of reading about my journey, you will be able to better reflect on your own, and together we can look forward to the rest of the mile markers yet to go on this highway called life. So, without further adu, let's take it to where it all began!

MILE MARKER 1: These Are Days - 10,000 Maniacs

At 11:48 AM on a crisp winter morning in Bend, OR, a 7 pound 8 ounce dreamer named Kyle Maddox was born. People often debate whether or not destiny is predetermined or decided, and while I can understand both sides, my life has definitely been proof of the latter. This song spoke to me because it's opening lyrics of "these are days you'll remember. Never before and never since" speak to the unique journeys (or highways) we embark on from the moment we take our first breath until the moment our last is spent. No two highways are the same, yet we can learn from each other as we pass (hopefully after signaling) along the way.

MILE MARKER 2: We Are Family - Sister Sledge

Much like that first winter morning, except a few years later this time, my little sister was born. This was not only a huge mile marker in my life because I was officially a big brother, but this is where I was officially to blame for everything I didn't do, officially under surveillance for everything I did do, and officially enlisted as the on-call Ken Doll operator for her lavish (and frequent) Barbie camping excursions from the upstairs bedroom to the kitchen downstairs. Life as a big brother was now exhausting, annoying, but above all rewarding. I loved having a buddy who navigated life with a similar viewpoint as me, and as my little brother arrived a few years later, the party just kept going. I may be the oldest, but I learn things from my brother and sister everyday. I'm more proud of them than they know.

MILE MARKER 3: Bad Boys - Inner Circle

Another common theme in life is the succession of careers. Since biblical times, sons have been following in the footsteps of their fathers, and I didn't do much to break that cliche!

My dad is one of my biggest heroes, and he looked the part during my childhood. He was a police officer, and for the first decade of my life I saw him in uniform just as much as I saw him in plain clothes. I would learn later in life that in that profession even when you're out of uniform, you're never out of the mindset. The positive here is that I got to have a front row seat to the great potential that lies in a law enforcement career. I saw people come over and thank my dad for his service, I heard stranger's voices on the phone (after they mistook my prepubescent voice for my mom's) wishing to thank Officer Maddox for helping them the day before, and I got to see my dad hand out stuffed animals to my friends at school assemblies.

During one of those assemblies, my dad brought his police car, a brand new 1999 Ford Crown Victoria Interceptor. Its polished black unit number proudly contrasted its crisp white roof, and the freshly printed words "POLICE" stretched across each side. I couldn't wait to show my friends the 200 horsepower beast that sat infront of my basketball hoop at home. I sat back and watched my friends climb into the driver's seat with the pride of a father watching his son swing a baseball bat for the first time. I was so happy I got to brag about my dad, saying this was how he caught the bad guys. But it wasn't until I sat in his car that day at school, that my life course altered. I sat down like I had done many times before alone at home, but having the crowd of classmates there with me changed things. I valued them. I loved them. I wanted to protect them. I wanted to be a police officer just like my dad.

The challenge is that with that came the potential life of constant vigilance, the difficulty to relax and be fully present at home, and the quick 20 minute visits on days like Christmas, or Thanksgiving, because duty would inevitably call. I was naive to much of this as a kid, but I always remembered being so proud of my dad, and I still am today.

MILE MARKER 4: Dream On - Aerosmith

From a young age, my other dream was always in entertainment. I loved everything about movies and wanted to be in them, create them or be a part of the process any way I could. Which, at 8 years old, meant grabbing my mom's Panasonic camcorder, rounding up a few friends, a younger sister willing to work for M&M's and making movie magic in the backyard. "Dr. Robotic" was the title of this ultra-ultra-low-budget flic, but what it truly represented was the first time I took an actionable step to pursuing my dreams, which would set the stage for a major turning point in my life years later.

MILE MARKER 5: Country Roads - John Denver

If there were a miler marker that were to stand 15 feet tall, with bright neon paint and flashing lights around it, this would be it. This was the first time I moved as a kid. At 10 years old, I left the school I was the "popular" kid at, the friend group who had taught me what forging bonds meant, and the city I knew and loved as home. My dad got a new job after leaving law enforcement, which meant a new adventure for us. Morgantown, West Virginia was the destination, and I had no idea what to expect. We packed up the car, dog, two cats and all, and drove to God's country. It was gut-wrenching to watch the landmarks I had taken for granted pass by one final time as we left Bend. I would return later, with a much different world view.

MILE MARKER 6: Hurt - Johnny Cash

At age 15, my family moved again, this time to Salt Lake City, Utah! After three of the most memorable years of my life in West Virginia, I had developed a core friend group even closer than I ever would have imagined in such a short time. I had finally found my people, settled into my new life, and started to come into myself as a young teen. However, the universe had other plans. The summer after my 7th grade year, we packed up the dog and one cat this time (RIP Louie the overweight cat) and headed out West. Much like my move to West Virginia, I had no idea what to expect, yet after the joy I found in the last three years, I was naively optimistic for this new chapter of my life.

Unfortunately, the optimism was short lived. I entered my last year of middle school as one of few non-mormon kids, and was greeted as such. With the exception of a few amazing kids, I was given cold shoulders, ostricized, and bullied frequently because I wasn't at the same church as my classmates on Sundays. It was a rude awakening, but in the long run I'm grateful for it, because it led me to be stronger in my own faith after having to defend it. It also meant I was so much closer to the few friends I had, most of whom I'm still close with today.

This song is ironic to me, because during this time I also blew out my knee in school. Similar to the familial relationships I had built with my friends in West Virginia, my patellar tendon was torn right down the middle after a basketball injury, and I had a year of recovery ahead. It was grueling, and physical therapy the hardest thing my body has ever gone through, but over that year I learned how to walk again, how to climb stairs, and forced myself to be able to run again after overhearing the Physical Therapist tell my mom "in private" that I may not be able to gain full mobility back. That wasn't an option to me, so I soldiered on even though it hurt immensely both mentally and physically. I'm so proud I did that at such a young age.

MILE MARKER 7: Shooting Star - Owl City

After overcoming the hardest obstacle I thought I'd ever face with knee surgery, I was proven wrong once again by the universe! My parents divorced after 17 years of being together. There were moments I'm not sure any of us thought we'd make it through, from having to play man-of-the-house at 17, to wanting to spend equal amount of time with my mom and dad for fear of growing distant to one side over the other, it was the hardest year of my life. But, that first post-divorce-christmas was INCREDIBLE! Seriously though, I was forced to find a way to cope with this life adjustment. My solution? Stand-up comedy. I started journaling, which evolved into writing, which evolved into performing anywhere I could. For the last two years of high school, I'd drive down to the comedy club downtown every Wednesday so that I could tell strangers my problems, which inadvertently helped me work through them. I was always first to sign up on the call sheet and last to leave the club. I met some very eccentric people while in those clubs, and that gave me a very colorful perspective on the world as I was about to enter it on my own. Aside from the club, I'd perform in coffee shops, church functions, and friend's mom's book clubs. I was actually making money (not much) doing something that didn't involve shoveling popcorn into unhappy mormon's oversized bins at the local theater! I caught the bug, and from this point in my life, I never stopped writing. My inner star had begun to shoot.

MILE MARKER 8: Fighting Myself - Linkin Park

This one was a hard one. How do I describe realizing one dream while silencing another? Then when it flips unexpectedly, how do I justify upending one life to start the other? The inner conflict I felt for these years of my life was immense. On one hand, I had graduated police academy at the top of my class, won every accolade I could along the way and had established myself as one of the rising stars of the Sheriff's Office. I took on several collateral duties, including running the police academy fitness program, teaching defensive tactics, and holding a position of high responsibility acting as the liaison between our agency and the National Fingerprinting and Crime database. Long story short, I was crushing it! But I wasn't complete. I remember many nights I'd be cruising through the desert in my Police truck thinking "I'm living my dream." I was so happy to be a police officer. I had fulfilled the prophecy of following in my dad's foot steps, I was excelling and was having a great time doing it. I had met several amazing men and women I'd lay my life down for, and had become imbedded in my community. I was even volunteering! But the more involved I became with my police career, the more I longed for the possibility of an entertainment career. Most of the time it was a quick fleeting thought while driving aimlessly through the county, or after I'd see a film with my coworkers on our night off. Yet the flame remained lit in the depths of my mind. I still wanted it, no matter how impossible it felt. I always wondered what would happen if I just went for it? That thought was always followed by the realization that I am living my dream, and I'm very fortunate to be doing that at such a young age. Why give that up?

As you can guess, the universe was about to answer that for me. During this inner conflict I had been feeling, an opportunity arrived...

MILE MARKER 9: Lose Yourself - Eminem

One night, as I watched the sunset over the dash of my Ford F-150, the AIM instant messaging notification on my ToughBook laptop chimed. I opened the chat box, and my Sergeant had posed a question that would alter the course of my life. "Anyone wanna be in a movie?" With the speed of a contestant on family feud I jammed four letters into my keyboard so fast I thought I'd pop the keys loose. "Sure." My response didn't do my heartbeat justice in that moment, as my heart was pounding harder than in any high speed pursuit I had been in from that same driver's seat. My sergeant called me up, gave me the details and exactly 2 hours later I was in a bar parking lot talking over my scene with the directors. It was a simple task, "arrest our lead actors and escort them into your car" one of the directors instructed me. "Copy" I said with the focus of a disciplined, well, police officer. We went through the scene, the actor I was responsible for arresting was twice my height and three times my weight, and we wrestled with each other, adding slight nuance to each take we did. We did three or four different takes, and then it was done. "Thank you!" the directors shouted as they set up for their next shot. I was left climbing back into my truck to patrol the empty county roads for the rest of the night.

My mind raced, thinking of when I could see the movie, how I could do something like that again? It was simple: move to Los Angeles. It was easy, but it was also the hardest thing I had ever done. Fortunately, the world has a strange way of working things out, and I ended up resigning from my job as a police officer for other reasons. My path was now clear. I packed my 2008 Dodge Durango and drove to the land of dreams. My time was coming.

MILE MARKER 10: All the Small Things - Blink 182

I made it to L.A. My acting career is in full swing at this point! By full swing I mean barely paying bills and enjoying any stage time I could get, but at least I'm enjoying it, right? Anyways, my dating life had been going about as well as my acting career, and after several first dates and failed second dates I decided I might be better off on my own. That mindset is what led me to a random music show in the middle of Hollywood late one night.

As I sipped on my drink, I meandered back through the crowd to find my roommate (one of those church friends from Utah) and was interrupted by the siren's voice of my future girlfriend. She was on stage singing her heart out on a day I would later find out she almost didn't perform. There's that universe again. I couldn't find her after the show, but I took one of the flyers, looked her up on Instagram the next morning and sent the text that would start the relationship I've been in for the last two years: "Hey! Great show lastnight!" pretty smooth, I know.

We met for coffee, hit it off and here we are two years later pursuing our dreams in Los Angeles together. It's a grind, her being a musician and me an actor/writer, but it's worth it because we get to do it together. I am reminded daily by "all the small things" she does of how lucky I am to have found someone in the same place of their life whom I can love and relate to so much.

This journey, or highway called life is a crazy thing. It has sharp turns, unexpected drops, and potholes galore. But if we take the time to notice and appreciate the mile markers, we will never be lost. We will always end up right where we were destined to be, and we may even be blessed enough to cross paths with someone heading the same direction along the way.