These Are The Tunes Of My Teenage Days

Music is my therapy, my escape, and my way of being understood when I couldn't explain my pain. I'm sure others mention some of the same songs I'll be reminiscing about. These songs helped others out like they helped me get through troubling times. But the stories I have for these songs are different, I'll never forget what these songs did for me, how I found them, and the routines I had when I would escape into the world these songs immersed me into.

Before my angst period began in my middle school days, I was already listening to the likes of Linkin Park, 3 Doors Down, Trapt, and Incubus at 7 years old. I loved the sounds and messages within these rock songs, so when I got to middle school, it wasn't a big transition in tunes. From the get-go, I was already acclimated to these angsty songs.

Throughout my day of school, all I would think about is listening to that music, it was my addicting comfort. At home, if I needed to have the escape to heal the hole in my soul from school or the mounting anxiety and depression that wracked my mind while I did my homework. The bathroom became a new escape for me to continue to listen to my songs. Because the habit was so bad my mom would call for me, and I wouldn't hear her because I was immersed in this musical escape. So I went to the bathroom, and if my mom called for me, I would just say, "I was in the bathroom" So I had a reasonable selfish excuse to keep doing this to keep up with my escapades into music.

On my walks home from being dropped off at the bus stop, I had ten to twenty minutes to get relatable relief and muffle the world around me with the tunes that I had on a rinky-dink MP3 player. I had comfort from these emotional songs about a plea of pain. In those days I was so lonely I needed something to understand my soul. Even now as an adult with a healthy mindset, I still remember what these songs did for me in those days. I wouldn't rely upon them for comfort like I did, but they still hold a place in my heart going through those teenage turmoil days.

The Playlist Of My Teenage Days

Never did I think I'd have a song in my music library that had screams and bad words, and it helped me, that was My Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead. It lulled me with the low eerie beat with violins, it set the tone for me before going into these painful declarations of pain in the lyrics. I couldn't understand the lyrics until I was much older, but the screams and sadness in this song were my way of feeling understood. It was my go-to for my middle school days to get through the misery.

The song of my seventh-grade days was Everybody's Fool by Evanescence. To prepare for the week, I remember spending my Sundays listening to this song on repeat, I felt at peace with the sad message about reality. It came into a part of my life of the many things I realized in the loneliness that I suffered from in my teens. It helped me be aware of the people around me and the way life truly is with critical and harsh people that become a specific brand of bully later on in life.

The taste in tunes changed when I found This Is How I Disappear by My Chemical Romance. This song is a part of the hearts of the misunderstood misfits of the 2000s. I came to find this emo gem when I finally caught on with the crowd of the new music coming in. That's why this particular song is special to me because I could be on par with what everyone else was listening to.

If there was a certain song I had to play in the show it was All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u. The beginning keys growing louder and faster in rhythm already had me at peace. It was a song that I didn't know was a relationship between two girls, but to me, it was a song about being understood by someone. After feeling misunderstood, the lyrics summed up exactly what I was going through fault, shame, and loss. I listened to this song in my teenage days wondering when I would find someone that would understand me like the lyrics of this song. This song metaphorically washed away my pain while having some physical water wash over me.

If there was ever a band that I liked every song with how it healed my wounded soul, it was Three Days Grace. I Hate Everything About You was the song for my Friday nights. Then I listened to Over and Over within the tiny haven of my room with my headphones on at 11 p.m. on my weekends. The whole three-day weekend had been graced.

Loser by 3 Doors Down has been a part of my life since I was 8 and it'll be part of my life for the rest of my days. It's a song that relays the message to say someone about the suffering of the soul, how it wears, and tears to the edge. Near the end of the song where the singer just goes-

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

You're getting closer

To push me off of life's little edge

'Cause I'm a loser, oh baby",

-it felt like a fight winding down, just trudging to keep going. To fight against the ones who make me feel that I'm going to amount to nothing.

Headstrong by Trapt, I remember listening to this song at 7 years old, I could understand the lyrics to be the theme of not backing down, it was invigorating. It's a staple of the 2000s and no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'll always rock my head up and down to radical rock lyrics.

What kind of the 2000s kid didn't listen to the beats of Breaking Benjamin. The Diary Of Jane is and will forever be the staple of the metal beats during the end of my time in middle school. This is the song I credit for being the inclination of imagination for the writing of my characters. On the times I had to run an errand with my mom, she could take as much time as she wanted. I had this song to immerse me in my world to continue to create whatever I wanted in my mind to think of for my characters. Anytime I listened to that song, I wanted to have someone that would want to know my pain like the singer sang about wanting to know the pain of Jane.

I went through a goth phase, I lived in black clothing to physically embody those songs. As I continued in my teenage evolution revolution, the idols that I wanted to style changed when I found Within Temptation. Never before have I found music that I could describe beautiful to both the music and the musician. I wanted my appearance and style to be like Sharon Den Adel, to this day, she's still a goddess to me despite not being coined as a gothic singer. I loved the beautiful songs she sang and had a style I wanted, I watched her music videos over and over, and I was entranced by her style and beauty. I loved her long black hair, the gorgeous gowns, and the Victorian style in some of her music videos. My introduction to her was the song Angels. The eerie atmosphere had a positive vibe to it, it was the first band I listened to that didn't have a negative outlook on their songs.

I have to end this list by talking about the band that started it all, Linkin Park. Numb, In The End, Points of Authority, I listened to them on repeat on my scratched CD. When I found their other songs, I had to have them all because I knew from the second I heard the sound, that it was automatically going to be a favorite. A majority of songs on all of my MP3s and my iPod consisted of many songs from Linkin Park. I had Faint, Nobody's Listening, Crawling, Runaway and the new tunes to come in the later years. This is the band I credit for how I was able to learn the meaning behind the lyrics and understand the message of the music. Without them, I would have never understood music to the creative comfort that is provided by the singer.

I have to credit all of the singers for giving me peace in those mundane days, but also giving me pieces of creativity. It wasn’t just for getting peace, but it ground the gears in my brain to create scenarios for my characters and have these scenarios for myself. As I am getting older, these songs never falter and are still timeless to me.