The Year of Soundtracks and Feelings

2020 started like every year for me, but before COVID came about and ran through everything like a knife through butter. I had feelings for someone, and things didn't work out, naturally, but that's okay. After my winter quarter, we had to do online classes, so since I haven't been working when I'm not doing school work, I've been indulging in some movies and shows that I missed out on.

Since my mom lets me have a profile on Hulu, HBO content was available for a while, and that's when I started to watch shows like Barry. Still, while I love Barry (it might be one of my all-time favorite shows at this point), I had to watch Big Little Lies because the line up in that show is astounding to me regarding the cast. Nicole Kidman (The Others, Aquaman), Shailene Woodley (The Spectacular Now, Divergent), Zoe Kravitz (Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindlewald, Hulu's High Fidelity), Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation, Krampus), Reese Witherspoon (This Means War, Wild), Alexander Skarsgard (Stephen King's It, The Legend of Tarzan), I mean goddamn! That's just the first six people I named in the show. Anyway, Big Little Lies led me to the song that plays in the opening. "Cold Little Heart" by Michael Kiwanuka became the year's song for me since Spotify kept track of how much I listened to it after seeing the show. I heard the radio edit since the song is almost 10 minutes long because the first three minutes is just music and no vocals. Those three minutes are an experience of their own because I can listen to it and fall asleep or listen and feel whatever it is that I'm feeling.

After I saw Big Little Lies, there was a point in the spring or summer when I had feelings for someone else, but I was feeling like something was going in my chest, and the more I talked to her, the deeper it was going in. I was already listening to "Cold Little Heart" a lot, but at some point, I realized that I needed something a little more mellow, but the feelings I was having were still there, so I talked to a friend of mine who's a giant music nut than I am. He gave me three recommendations; two were albums, but one was a song by Injury Reserve, and I was already familiar with them since this same friend had me listen to them beforehand. The song he had me listen to was "Ttktv," which stands for time to kill the vibe, the way this song sound was so perfect that after the first time, I heard it, I ended up putting it on a repeated loop after the third or fourth time, and I played it more than ten times. I even took a nap while I listened to it.

After I went through the wringer that I know as my feelings, there was a movie I was excited about that was coming. It kept getting pushed back but eventually, I got to see it in theaters before they closed again. I heard this song while I was filming for the YouTube channel I'm in (Good Time Geeks is the channel), and Tenet had dropped a final trailer before the movie came out. That was when I heard Travis Scott's "THE PLAN," the song sounds so trippy for the film, but it's catchy as hell. The bass is insane, and it's even better when you listen to it in the theater (I've seen the movie in theaters three times). I think this was one of the songs throughout the year I heard, and I had fun listening to it, but at the same time, you can walk like a badass to it.

After having fun listening to Travis Scott and going through the wringer with my feelings, I think this song came about because I like how it sounds and reminds me of when I had strong feelings for someone. Given the fact that I haven't had strong feelings for someone since 2015, I have had little moments where I would have a crush on someone, and my mind would play out these moments where the feelings we have for each other would be so strong that we feel off without each other, but reality has a way of bringing me back from my mind. Anyway, the song that reminded me of this feeling was "Nothing Compares" by The Weeknd. I can't explain how it sounds; you'll have to listen to it yourself.

Lastly, there was a song that I stumbled upon when I was listening to the radio feature on Spotify, and I may have woken up listening to this, I'm not sure. Anyway, I came across the song "COFFIN" by Jessie Reyez. I was already familiar with her since she was on two songs with Eminem on his album, "Kamikaze". The song is already good enough as it is with its blues guitar riff; the lyrics from Reyez were okay, but the hook/chorus was even better. The production just got better but when Eminem came in with his verse, let's say that one made me want to write lyrics again, especially the way it starts. I don't want to give it away, but I'll say this, you must listen to it if you want to know what I'm talking about to see what I'm at least trying to say.

Sure, this year has been filled with music from movies, and TV shows more than music that matched how I was feeling. It was still part of the overall year, and I'm not the same person I was back when these songs guided me through the year. These songs didn't necessarily give me a clean slate at everything, but it did give me a little more perspective on some things and how I should handle things better, so hopefully, 2021 can show me something better.