The Music of My Life

Ever since I was little, music has been a prominent and impactful aspect of my life. When I was small, my mother rarely went a day in her life without singing or playing the piano. The earliest days of my childhood are vague at best, but I remember three songs in particular that stand out particularly strongly:

1. Harry Belafonte's "Banana Boat Song"

Every night at bathtime, my mom would sing this tune. I remember she always seemed happy whenever she sang it, and how she would drum on the side of the tub to the rhythm of it. Because of this, I became a fan of all Belafonte's music as an adult, and I will always treasure the happy memories this tune conjures.

2. C.C.R's "Looking Out My Back Door"

This one was and still is one of my mother's favorites to this day. She played it on the piano all the time, smiling as she sang. I think she enjoyed the chorus the most. At least, that's what I remember. The absurdity of "tamborines and elephants playing in the band" and "taking a ride on a flying spoon" was always amusing to me. That, and it had such a fun, upbeat melody. I'm not as big a fan of C.C.R. as an adult, but I appreciate their music and have a lifelong fondness for this song.

3. The Partridge Family's "I Think I Love You"

Another one of my mother's favorite tunes on the piano. I look back in great fondness on the memory of her belting out the chorus. The lyrics are a bit manic at times, as the subject of the song is slowly going mad from being in love. Still, it's a very sweet song, and I've always wanted to feel that kind of "if-I-can't-be-with-you-I'll-go-crazy-in-a-good-way" love. My mom always had a good time singing it, so this is another one on the list of fond favorites... even though the Partridge Family is a little too cheerful and campy for my liking today.

Moving on to my later childhood years and early teens, I think there was a significant shift. I was bullied a lot in school because I was short, had bad teeth, was chubby and had a temper. As a result, I became withdrawn and very quiet both at home and school. Music then became less of a fun afternoon singalong-type interlude and more of an escape I think. Something to help me unwind and relax, and to focus on something other than how miserable I was most of the time. Again, I don't have many memories of that time, but these are the songs I remember most from back then.

1. Bill Haley and his Comets' "Rock Around the Clock"

You can't listen to this song and be grumpy at the same time. My parents were and still are big into Oldies Rock-n'-Roll, and we had this cassette tape of Golden Oldies we'd listen to in the car all the time (yes, I'm that old. Shut up.) This song was track number one on that tape, and it never ever failed to lift my spirits. I remember fondly putting that tape on during rides home from school, rocking out to this song while my cousins competed in the back seat to see how many warheads candies they could fit in their mouths at once. It was a good time, one of the few bright spots in my childhood that I'll always look back on with a wistful grin.

2. Shaniah Twain's "Man! I Feel Like A Woman"

Being born and bred in the South, Country Music was no stranger on our family car's radio when I was growing up. This song has a very bouncy and iconic melody that is an instant earworm (I'll bet you're humming it right now). While I never really understood the lyrics as a young'un, I do remember how they made me feel. As a child, all I wanted was to be a grown-up, and this song exuded confidence, strength, and powerfully positive femininity to me. It made me feel sexy before I even knew what that feeling was, and made me want to grow up to be a proud, confident, sexy woman who was comfortable in my own skin. That part is still kind of a work in progress, but damn if those feelings don't return every time I hear this on Spotify.

3. NSYNC's "Bye, Bye, Bye"

As a child of the 90's and a teen in the early 00's, I admit fully to being well swept up in the boyband craze sweeping the nation at that time. My closest cousin was a huge NSYNC and Backstreet Boys fan. Because she was a few years older than me, I thought she was the coolest person on the planet (I still do, honestly), and I wanted to be just like her. So, I became a fan, too. I remember many a sleepover at her house with my sisters, rocking out to this song in particular on her stereo. It was the textbook stereotype of singing into hairbrushes and bouncing on the bed you see in campy teen movies. Thinking back on it, it was really cringe. Still, those were good times, and I wouldn't trade them in for anything... cringe and all.

Moving into my late teens and early twenties, we start to enter a darker time for me personally. I graduated highschool with zero self esteem and zero close friends, along with a healthy amount of fear and self-doubt. I had no plans for my future really, even though I went straight to college. I had no idea who I was, or who I wanted to be. I started to feel that I had no purpose, and was simply going through the motions the way young adults are supposed to: I finished college, got an associates degree, and entered the work force... but on the inside I felt empty... lost... directionless. Music again became an escape, as did YouTube eventually. From there my taste in music changed, which I think is a good thing. I still hold strong to my country and classic rock roots, but from that point I also developed a love for Alt Rock, Pop, and Emo.

1. Nickelback's "This Is How You Remind Me"

My cousin got me into Emo and hard rock in my late teens. It was the perfect match to all the angst and self-doubt one experiences during those years, but this song in particular resonated with me. The lyrics are brooding (maybe a little whiny) and can stray into a bit agressive in the chorus. What I loved and still love about this song is the power behind the melody of the chorus. You can feel the anger and frustration the singer feels, which echoed the deeply-buried anger and frustration I felt on the day to day. When I'm feeling moody even today, I tend to put this song on. It's one of those songs that if you want to feel angry, it lets you. Sometimes that's a good thing.

2. Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

This will always be a favorite for me, hands down. It's a whopping six minutes long, but there is not a single minute of this song that isn't dripping with energy and passion. When I'm feeling low, it immediately picks me up. There's nothing more fun than belting this out in the car, and yes... I do know every word. Yes, I'm that person. No, I won't apologize for it. What else can I say about it except that it's a badass song performed by a badass band that will never go out of style in my mind.

3. The Eagle's "Hotel California"

This is another long one that I happen to know all the words to. The story it tells is dark and kind of moody, and the imagery in it is beyond psychadelic. Not surprising considering it's about a man trapped in an opium den (I think. Don't quote me on that). I really resonated with the narrator's feeling of being trapped: "you can check out any time you like... but you can never leave." It's also just a fun song to sing along with, and to play air guitar to. It's also one of the first songs I aced in hard mode in Guitar Hero. The difference between "Hotel California" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" is that you do notice how long the former is after the halfway point in the song. I'm all for awesome guitar solos, but when the guitar solo lasts for half the song it can get a little boring. That's one of the great things about this song though. After belting out the lyrics in the first half, you can let your mind kind of wander until the song ends. The melody really is mesmirizing and catchy, which always helps.

Moving on to today, I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin and in my life as a whole. I'm still figuring things out, but with focusing on my writing I am a lot happier and feel like I actually have a purpose. I've also been exploring my love life, which has done wonders for my serotonin levels because I've actually met someone. I don't want to put labels on it yet as we've only just met, but I have a good feeling about him. I don't listen to as much music these days (as I don't really have the time and I suck at multitasking), but there are a handful of tunes I come back to every now and again. Mostly, these fall into the categories of 70's/80's/90's rock, Alt Rock, and Pop.

1. Imagine Dragons "Radioactive"

This song is a beast. Nothing gets my heart pumping quicker, nor pumps me up quite as effectively. Imagine Dragons might just be my favorite band overall, as all of their songs have a similar effect. No two of their songs are exactly alike, either, which is surprising and intriguing to say the least. "Radioactive" is just a great song, always nice for a quick mood boost or pick me up.

2. Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer" and "It's My Life"

I have always been a big Bon Jovi fan. I like their sound, and their songs are - pardon my archaic phrasing - rad. "Livin' on a Prayer" is always a good energizing song much like "Radioactive", and it's fun to sing along to in the car at the top of your lungs. "It's My Life" is on this list for those same reasons, with one other reason on top of that. When listening to this song one day post pandemic, the lyrics actually struck me in a way they hadn't before. I was working in a grocery store at the time; the pay was good and the work was alright, but I was struggling. I wasn't happy, nor was I as productive as I should have been. I guess I was too busy daydreaming about my OCs and stories to focus on my work. They were going to move me to a different department, which I had all but accepted... and then this song came on over the store's PA system. It was kind of a shock, both because the songs at that store sucked rocks and because it was like a message from God. This was my life, and I was losing control of it again. From that moment, I started drafting my resignation to focus on writing full time. That decision took a lot of guts, guts that I didn't think I had. I just hope it pays off some day.

3. Panic! At the Disco's "Emperor's New Clothes"

Really, anything by PATD is a banger for me. This one just speaks to me on a fundamental level. It's all about grabbing life by the horns and living unapologetically: "I'm taking back the crown", "finders keepers, losers weepers," etc. Also, the music video is really awesome from a production standpoint. PATD captures the love I had for hard rock and emo in my youth, but channels the angst into postive "screw-you-I-have-the-power-to-do-anything" energy. "Victorious" has the same energy, but something about the melody and darker tone of "Emperor's New Clothes" resonates more with me. Also at the top of the list are their covers of "Into the Unknown" from Frozen II and "This is the Greatest Show" from Greatest Showman. Both are powerful and uplifting in all the best ways, and they rock. Nuff said.

My taste in music continues to change and evolve as I get older. I'm open to a lot more styles and artists than I was when I was younger, and discovering new ones every time I turn around it seems. I honestly don't really know what the future holds for me or my writing, but whatever happens surely will have a banging soundtrack to boost my mood and keep me going along the way.